We have always said that "parents have the most influence on their children", and the truth is that it is their peers who have the greatest influence on children.
As the psychologist Jean Piaget once said:
There are "two worlds in childhood" in children, one in which parents and children interact, and the other in which peers interact. Peer groups play an equal or even more important role in children's development than parents.
From kindergarten onwards, children attach great importance to friendships, and childhood friendships lay the foundation for children to develop good interpersonal relationships later in life.
Most children's friendships are very innocent and beautiful, but we can't deny that some children will have some "bad" friends around them, which will have a negative impact on children's mental health and behavioral habits.
In "The Hidden Corner", Zhu Chaoyang is a scholar from a single-parent family, but his personality is a little withdrawn, and he is also a little dark and not very gregarious.
The mother never paid attention to this kind of thing, thinking that it was enough for her son to be excellent in his studies, and as for whether he had friends and how to get along with them, it was not so important, she even said to the teacher:
"Students should focus on learning, and making friends is something that only when entering the society. ”
So when Yan Liang and Pupu, two "bad" children, broke into his life, Zhu Chaoyang, who longed for friendship, was like opening the door to a new world, and the seeds of sin quickly took root and sprouted.
In a child's world, there is not only innocence, but also jealousy, aggression, bullying and hurt, so don't ignore the influence of friendship on your child.
Children have limited life experience, parents should enhance their awareness, tell their children the right way to make friends, and help them stay away from "toxic" friendships.
01
Don't make friends in a flattering way
Tell your child never to make friends with compromise or please.
Why? Mr. Yang Jiang's words can explain this very well:
"If you want to be an honest person who has no quarrel with the world, people will take advantage of you and bully you, and if you give in generously, people will violate you and damage you. If you want to protect yourself, you have to be on the defensive. ”
A few days ago, my best friend shared with me an incident that happened to her daughter:
My child has been a bit of a pleasing personality since he was a child. This year, I bought her a birthday bracelet and wore it on the hands of other classmates the next day.
I asked the child:
"This is a gift from your mother, why do you play with others too?"
The child is in a hurry:
"She just tried it on and gave it back to me, and if she didn't, she wouldn't play with me again. ”
Children who are too good to others will always suffer, and everything you give, others take for granted.
We have to tell our children that getting along with classmates and friends must have their own principles and bottom lines, and only the relationship you give unilaterally is not called friendship. Sometimes, we must know how to be ruthless, don't give kindness to the wrong person, when it is time to "have a small belly" and "be careful", we can be more serious, and never have to make friends in a flattering way.
02
Be brave enough to say "no" to unreasonable demands
Jimmy Ron's "Fifth Dimension Theory of Chums" argues:
A person's level is the average of the 5 friends he comes into contact with most often.
Friends have a great influence on a child's development. Children in primary school do not establish their own standards of judgment, and it is very easy for them to follow the crowd and listen to the instigation of their peers to do something harmful to themselves.
In the social news, there are many cases of making friends with bear children and finally dying.
For example, Truth or Dare, a friend instigated me to jump into the river, and some children didn't know what was right or wrong, and my friend asked me to jump and I would jump. In the end, one child drowned and one child was injured.
As parents, we must tell our children to be brave enough to say "no" to unreasonable demands from friends, especially those that endanger their own safety. A true friend will not let you hurt yourself, let alone joke with your life.
03
Don't be afraid of losing friends
Children, there is no shame in losing friends, so don't be afraid, bravely draw a line with unnecessary people, is the manifestation of growing up.
There is an allusion to "Guan Ning cutting the seat" in "The World Says New Words":
Guan Ning and Hua Xin were friends, one day they were sitting together reading, and there was a person in a "gorgeous" dress next to him who passed by in a "luxury car", Guan Ning was unmoved, but Hua Xin put down the book to watch.
Guan Ning immediately cut off the mat, sat down separately with Hua Xin, and said, "Zifei is my friend." ”
People with different views are close at hand, but they are like strangers. The circles are different, and they don't have to be forced. If you choose the wrong friend, it is easy to go astray.
When a child says, "I'm afraid he/she won't ignore me and play with me, and I won't have any friends." At this point, we can tell our children something like this:
Everyone's ideas are different, and other people's opinions can be used as a reference, but you don't have to be obedient, and you don't have to compete for a high level!
Friendship is a two-way street, friends have the right to choose not to play with you, and you also have the right to choose who not to play with.
When a friend says they won't play with you, just answer "yes" and just turn around and play with another friend.
Children, when they are constantly interrupted, they are disturbed.
If you also meet a friend who often leads you to do bad things, learn from Guan Ning to "cut off the seat and break righteousness" and be brave to be yourself.
04 Stay away from the people who consume you
There is also a type of friend who does not share happy things, as long as he encounters a problem, he will come to the child to cry. After complaining, my friend was full of positive energy, but he gave all the negative energy to the child.
Such a friend may seem harmless, but it is actually consuming you all the time. We also need to tell our children to stay away from friends who consume you.
There is a well-known "kick-in cat effect" in psychology, which says:
A person was criticized by the boss in the company, and when he went home, he got angry, so he scolded the child, and the child was also angry, so he went to kick the cat around him. The cat fled to the street in a hurry, and the truck drove by, quickly avoiding it, but hit the child on the side of the road and injured it.
This story tells us that people's negative emotions can spread like a contagious disease through social transmission.
Many children are depressed at a young age and are depressed all day long, perhaps due to the negative energy of their friends.
They don't know how to refuse, they accept all the things of their friends, and they can't digest negative emotions, they can only be swallowed by negative emotions.
As parents, we want to tell our children that I want you to be happy, sunny, confident, and not to be friends with people who consume you.
Good friends can share their troubles, but they should share happiness and pass on beauty.
05
A good friend will not compare with you everywhere
The famous writer Keigo Higashino once said, "There are two things in this world that cannot be looked at directly, one is the sun, and the other is the human heart." ”
There are some kind of friends who can't see that you are better than him, and always hope that you will fail, in the final analysis, "jealousy".
Regarding the psychology of jealousy, Wu Zhihong said it very well:
The happiness of jealous people is not based on their own constant efforts, but on comparison with others.
Tell your child to stay away from friends who are jealous of you, true good friends who don't compare themselves to you everywhere.
A good friend will not envy you when you have achieved something, and a good friend will not belittle or beat you down because of jealousy.
06
A good friend who won't abandon you when you're in trouble
The writer Sanmao once said:
The most beautiful relationship between friends lies in the icing on the cake, and the most valuable is in the snow. It's easy to put the icing on the cake, but it's hard to send charcoal in the snow.
Children, friends are not many, but true.
A true friend will not abandon you when you encounter difficulties, will not speak ill of you behind your back, will not joke about your shortcomings, and will not do one thing in front of you and one thing behind your back.
If you are not careful, it can affect your emotions at least and endanger your life at worst.
A fake friend is selfish, he only thinks of you when he is in trouble, but after you are in trouble, he runs faster than anyone else. A true friend is a heart-to-heart friend.
The poet saint Du Fu was disappointed in his career, and the whole family lived in poverty, and he didn't have the next meal. My friend Gao Shi didn't say a word, and immediately sent Du Fu silver money and rice oil.
The road knows the horsepower, and the people will see it for a long time.
Kid, I'd rather you only have one or two real friends than a bunch of fake friends who won't help you in your troubles.
07
Be strong
A good friend is not a grievance that comes from "begging"; a good friend is not a person who blindly follows the crowd and "mixes."
There is a saying that "if you bloom, the breeze will come". Children, we can only attract more "good friends" if we continue to make ourselves better.
Huang Bo once said frankly in an interview:
In the past, when I played a small role in the crew, no one cared about it, and I would be treated coldly every day, and you could meet all kinds of people and all kinds of caution......
Now that I have become popular, I am surrounded by good people, and every face is filled with a warm smile, saying Mr. Huang, what do you want to eat and drink, Mr. Huang, you are working too hard!
Instead of waiting for the wind to come, it is better to go to the clouds yourself.
Children, strengthen yourself, and naturally have more friends.
As the old saying goes:
"I have been in the room of Zhilan for a long time and have not smelled its fragrance, and I have been in the abalone for a long time and have not smelled its smell. ”
I hope that children can stay away from "toxic friendship" and find "good friends" for life.
Synthesized from: family education wisdom, little ape parent circle, Qian Zhiliang studio, etc. The above pictures and texts are shared, and the copyright belongs to the original author and the original source.
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