As the saying goes:
Home and everything is prosperous.
And the greatest misfortune of a family is the emergence of a person who is "always right".
Such people tend to be self-centered and believe that their opinions and practices are impeccable, while ignoring the thoughts and feelings of their family members.
In their world, blame and blame become the norm, and reason and rules become the only standard.
This seemingly "right" behavior quietly destroys a family.
If you blindly blame, the relationship will be far away
I once read a story.
The protagonist of the story is a lady named Pepe.
One day, she took her three-year-old son to the mall.
The little one's eyes were shining, and suddenly, he pointed to the mangoes on the shelves and excitedly shouted to eat them.
Looking at his son's cute appearance, Pepe gently fulfilled his wishes.
Unexpectedly, after eating the mango, his son had many red rashes on his face.
Pepe's heart instantly rose to his throat, and his son turned out to be allergic to mangoes.
She picked up her son and hurried to the hospital.
At this moment, Pepe's husband also hurried over.
His first sentence was not to care about his son's condition, but to accuse Pepe with a slap on his head:
"Why can't you even take a child? What's the use?"
A wave of grievance welled up in Pepe's heart, and she hurriedly explained that she did not know about her son's mango allergy.
But the husband did not seem to listen, and he still reproached sharply:
"You don't even know that your son is allergic to mangoes, how can you be a mother?"
Fortunately, after the doctor's treatment, the child's condition is fine.
But Pepe's heart has been left with indelible scars.
She could not forget her husband's clinging to her mistakes, lacking understanding and forgiveness.
Since then, there seems to have been an insurmountable crack in the relationship between the husband and wife.
Pepe, as a mother, fulfilled her son's wishes, albeit with good intentions.
Faced with her son's sudden allergic reaction, she was under tremendous psychological pressure.
In this case, her husband did not give her the understanding and comfort she deserved, but blindly blamed her.
This not only exacerbated Pepe's psychological burden, but also planted the seeds of distrust between the husband and wife.
There is a saying:
"In the family, understanding is better than reproach, tolerance is better than accusation. ”
In family life, blaming often leads to estranged relationships.
In difficult times, mutual support and understanding are the keys to maintaining family relationships.
The reproachful behavior of one partner not only does not help to solve the problem, but also makes the relationship between the husband and wife drift apart.
In the family, when faced with problems and challenges, one should learn to empathize and understand the difficulties of the other person, blame will only make the relationship strained.
Therefore, we should all learn to avoid blame, but use tolerance to resolve conflicts, so as to make the relationship closer.
Always reasonable, the affection will fade
I've seen a case of marriage counseling.
One Ms. Zhang talked about her marriage with a sad face.
Confused, she asked, whenever she wanted to share her troubles with her husband, he always instilled all kinds of big truths in a condescending manner, as if he didn't care about her true feelings at all.
Ms. Zhang gave a specific example:
Once, she came home full of grievances and complained about the unfairness of her boss's assignment of work.
When colleagues encounter problems, they throw the blame and have no sense of responsibility, which makes her feel angry everywhere in the company.
But when her husband heard this, he did not give her the comfort she expected.
Instead, she told Ms. Zhang in an indifferent tone that she should reflect more on her own problems.
Only by constantly reflecting can we make progress.
Ms. Zhang said frankly:
Originally, she just wanted her husband's comfort and support.
But every time she listened to his teachings, she felt even more depressed and lost.
I couldn't help but argue with my husband.
Such a situation is not uncommon in the married life of the two.
Gradually, their feelings became more and more indifferent.
The husband found Ms. Zhang's reaction incomprehensible, while Ms. Zhang thought that her husband was callous and could not give her the emotional support she deserved.
Under this communication barrier, the relationship between the two gradually became estranged.
Romain Rolland once said:
"In the face of emotion, the truth often pales in comparison. ”
Marriage requires not only reason and principles, but also emotional communication and understanding.
If you always respond to the emotional needs of the other person with reason, then the emotion will gradually disappear in this alienation.
Emotions play an extremely important role in human communication, and they are related to people's inner experiences, feelings, and needs.
When people feel hurt, distressed, or upset, they crave understanding and empathy rather than simple reasoning and explanations.
In this case, too much emphasis on reason and logic can make people feel cold and incomprehensible, exacerbating emotional estrangement and alienation.
In interpersonal communication, especially when deep emotions are involved, it is difficult for simple logic to reach people's hearts.
In particular, when dealing with issues involving emotions, it is necessary to pay more attention to the communication of emotions.
A person must learn to respond to the troubles of others with a sincere attitude, listen patiently, and feel the emotions and needs of the other person with his heart;
In this way, we can build real trust and closeness, and bring each other's hearts and minds closer.
Reform the family, and the family will be scattered
My friend Xiao Han is divorced because her wife always wants to change his habits.
Xiao Han has some unique living habits.
For example, he likes to read books in the evening, likes to eat all kinds of snacks, and likes to lie in bed on weekend mornings.
His wife always wanted him to live a more regular life.
So, she began to try to change Xiao Han's living habits.
At first, Xiaoli just whispered to remind Xiao Han to go to bed early and get up early and eat less snacks.
Although Xiao Han is a little unaccustomed, for the sake of his wife's kindness, he also tries to cooperate.
Later, Xiaoli's expectations gradually escalated, and her requirements became more and more stringent.
Instead of just reminding, she began to force Xiao Han to change his habits.
She would confiscate his books at night, hide snacks, and even wake him up early on weekends.
Xiao Han began to feel depressed, and he felt that he had lost his freedom.
He tries to communicate with Xiaoli, hoping that she will understand and respect his habits.
Xiao Li thinks that her approach is for Xiao Han's good, and she firmly believes that only change can make him better.
The contradictions gradually accumulated in the daily quarrels, and finally one day, the relationship between them broke down completely.
Xiao Han decides to file for divorce, and he can no longer stand this kind of attempt to change his life.
Essayist Joseph Addison said:
"A true family is one that respects and accepts each other, not tries to transform each other. ”
Trying to reform a family often leads to family breakup.
A family is made up of different individuals, and each member should be respected and understood, not unilaterally changed.
In the family, everyone has a unique role and should be allowed to maintain their own individuality.
If a person is always trying to transform the family so that it meets their expectations and standards, then the family may lose its warm feeling and become a stressful place.
A healthy family should be based on mutual respect and understanding.
Learn to accept the differences of family members, tolerate each other's shortcomings, and appreciate each other's strengths.
When there is a disagreement, it is necessary to find a solution through communication, rather than trying to force a change through transformation.
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If you blindly blame, the relationship will be far away.
Every member of the family craves respect for each other and not endless blame;
Always reasonable, the affection will fade.
The family is a haven of emotion, not a battlefield of debate.
Excessive reasoning will only make the family feel constrained, and the original deep emotions will become weaker;
Reform the family, and the family will be scattered.
Everyone has their own habits, and forcibly reforming a family member will only strain family relationships.
May your family be filled with respect, understanding and warmth, so that every member can find a sense of belonging and happiness.
Author | Purple Plump
Picture | Submitted by Ziqiao photography enthusiasts