Some people are more clingy to their husbands during pregnancy, and some people are in hell during pregnancy

Be a person who loves to learn and is willing to grow with me

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Text/Yan Lingyang

Seeing a blogger say that she became more clingy to her husband during pregnancy, I also remembered my own unbearable experiences.

After I became pregnant, my mood fluctuated greatly and my sleep was very light, and I really wanted my husband to spend more time with me..... However, no. Most of the time, he didn't come home at two or three o'clock in the morning.

I didn't count on it anymore..... I often have a prenatal check-up alone, walk alone in the community, and go alone everywhere.

Later, my only hope for him was: I slept lightly, and he could come home early and not disturb my sleep.

However, this is still a luxury for me.

During pregnancy, I slept very lightly, and after he came home at two or three o'clock in the morning, he could cover his head and sleep after washing, but I was woken up by him as soon as I was a little sleepy, and then, I could only keep my eyes open until dawn.

During pregnancy, there are great hormonal changes in the body + emotional ups and downs + long-term insomnia, coupled with the uneasiness caused by "I don't know where he went when he didn't go home in the middle of the night", we often quarrel, but we can't argue for a reason.

I also failed to catch any substantial evidence, and because of my in-laws' unprincipled protection, I felt a great pressure of "being isolated".

We were still fighting until I was about to give birth...... So much so that on the day I gave birth, he didn't show up.

I had to sign the autopsy and need my husband's signature, but he was not there, so I got up from the delivery bed and signed my name on the "Consent to Surgery" crookedly when my body exploded in pain.

In retrospect, it was really one hell of time......

At that time, I was only twenty-eight or nineteen years old, I had a child for the first time, the child grew up in my belly day by day, and then giving birth to a child was the first time I broke through the life and death barrier, I was really scared at that time.

Fortunately, when the child was 8 months old, he woke up from a dream.

Now, in the blink of an eye, more than ten years have passed, and I talk about these things as if I were talking about someone else's.

But to be honest, I still feel sorry for myself.

He and I both chose the wrong person, but men are easy to correct, women are not.

When men reach the age of forty, they can still find reliable women to remarry and regenerate, and when they give birth again, they only need to produce sperm and a little money;

And a divorced woman with a baby has a small chance of finding a reliable man, and even if she does, the price is much heavier than that of a man.

For example, I want to have another daughter, but if I have another child, I have to risk my life and bear the huge cost of caring for the child in the future.

Therefore, I will only get married and have children once in my life, but the weddings that send out invitations can be canceled by the elders, and the husband during pregnancy and childbirth is useless........ In these two major events in life, he didn't leave me with any good memories.

However, then I thought: happiness is the same, and misfortune is the story.

When others tell the story of their own wedding and childbirth, it may be common and similar, but my story has a plot, a twist, and an emotion, hahahahahaha.

He didn't leave me any money, he didn't leave me any very good memories, but he left me a story, and I used it, supplemented by my own talents (if I had one), to make a little money.

This is also a special kind of creation.

I wrote them into a novel, Seven Years of Divorce.

In fact, it's been 11 years since I got divorced, but because this novel was written when I was seven years after my divorce, the title is still called "Seven Years of Divorce".

Perhaps, there are too few men and women who can get along well after divorce, so once a woman mentions her ex-husband, people think that she will only have one gesture: scolding.

For example, when I wrote "Seven Years of Divorce", they thought that I would only have this one possibility. There is even an acquaintance who only read the title of a book, and scolded me as a scumbag in the circle of friends (click here to read: "I made a frenzy in the circle of friends").

However, those who have read the whole story will understand: this is also a story of Lan Yin and Fruit.

I depicted the good times I spent with him in detail, and I also showed how our relationship fell apart step by step, and then recorded the changes and growth of each of us after the divorce.

It is not a book that lashes out at anyone, nor is it a book that accuses others of lacking virtue from the moral high ground, but on the contrary, it is full of my self-solving, self-forgiveness, self-redemption, and self-improvement.

"Do you know the sentence Lan Yin Suguo? I only felt sorry when I read it when I was young, but now I understand that flowers bloom and fall from time to time", this sentence may also become the final tone of this story.

You were upset, but you're relieved. Life rolls forward, and you will eventually let go of everything, let go of everything, shake your hair, and move on.

Those who like it, who think that this story has accompanied them through the most difficult times, not only bought it themselves, but also bought it for relatives and friends who are at the crossroads of divorce. People who don't like it, just read the title of the book, and say that I rely on scolding my ex-husband to attract attention.

Everything is a mirror image, and everything is just a projection. Whoever you are, you see whoever you are.

To be honest, this book was quite difficult to get out.

At first, I approached an editor with the manuscript, but they rejected me on the grounds that the country was now advocating a "cooling-off period for divorce" and fearing that the book would make people feel like encouraging divorce.

Another editor's reason for refusing is that the heroine of the book did not remarry in the end, and the ending is not inspirational and reassuring enough.

I listened and was speechless, but I understood the current market a little. After all, everyone loves to watch cool dramas.

Whether it is "The First Half of My Life" or "Fearless", such a drama can indeed satisfy the lust of divorced women for their future lives.

Many people watch dramas and unconsciously substitute themselves into roles such as Luo Zijun and Luo Yingzi, thinking that they can get everything they can get if they work hard. It's just that a TV series is just a TV series after all.

Luo Zijun and Luo Yingzi on the screen are actually luckier than the vast majority of divorced women.

For example, when Luo Zijun divorced, she was able to fight for the custody of her son and so much property, especially the help of He Han and Tang Jing, two high-end people, which was simply a "gold bar from heaven" for her.

He Han is really no longer the prototype in Yishu's novel, this character in the TV series is loved by everyone, but in fact, the image is very thin and the face is serious. The underworld boss and Wang Yang in "Fearless" are also like this.

They are all deified people, people who were arranged by the screenwriter to save the heroine, similar to the Monkey King who fell from the sky every time Tang Seng was in trouble.

It is precisely because of their existence that the heroine's counterattack seems less inspirational, and it also makes the heroine less independent and resolute, and the entire TV plot is also rushing towards the routine of "Mary Sue".

A woman is beaten to the bottom because of the man, and finally another man or men get help and support to reach the top of life.

The purpose of the screenwriter setting up these "male savior" characters is probably to make the heroine counterattack more thoroughly. After all, even if you have a successful career, if there is no man around you, you can only raise your eyebrows from your scumbag ex-husband.

After a woman divorces, if she does not remarry, she is actually regarded as nothing more than inspirational and relieving.... But what a cheesy value it is.

I wrote about "The Daughter of the Sea" before:

When I read "The Daughter of the Sea" as a teenager, I felt beautiful and sad, and I felt that the little mermaid was too "in love".

Reading it in my twenties, what it taught me was: since you love, don't ask for anything in return, learn to take the risks of every choice, learn to let go and forgive;

Now at the age of thirty, I have figured out the struggles and desires of the mermaid princess's inner world, and finally understood why she was able to maintain her original intention of beauty and goodness after suffering from the ordeal, and why she finally gave up her obsession with marriage and love, no longer relied on anyone, and embarked on a journey to find an immortal soul.

And that soul was created for herself by her own hands.

Poor little mermaids, like us, have worked wholeheartedly for a certain goal. She endured the pain and persevered, but there was no good ending, but her kindness and tenacity allowed her to create an immortal soul for herself three hundred years later.

Such a soul cannot be changed.

In the same way, if through the divorce incident, you can find yourself and embark on the path of self-ascension, what a thing to be thankful for.

After all, many people never reach it in their lifetime.

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Author: Yan Lingyang, born in the 80s, emotional columnist, author of new feminism, member of the Chinese Writers Association. He is the author of the best-selling books "Those That Make You Miserable, One Day You Will Say It with a Smile", "May You Let Go of the Past and Be Worthy of the Future", "May You Have a Journey and a Way Out", "I'm Divorced", "With Your Rivers and Lakes Are Not Lonely - An Alternative Interpretation of Jin Yong's Martial Arts Novels" and the children's picture book "Mom's House, Dad's House". With 13 years of experience in financial industry (management), he is currently the founder of a cultural information consulting company in Guangzhou and the co-founder of a cultural media company. Born in Lijiang, Yunnan Province, he now lives in Guangzhou.

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