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My name is Lin Wan, I am Chinese New Year's Eve six years old, I have a stable job with my husband Li Wei in Beijing, and we have a pair of children, the eldest is called Xiaole, who is eight years old this year, and the younger one is called Xiaomei, who has just turned five years old. Although we are not wealthy, we are well off to meet our daily needs. The only thing that bothered me was my relationship with my mother-in-law, which had been strained since I was pregnant with my first child.
The mother-in-law's surname is Wang, and she is the kind of traditional northern woman who speaks straightforwardly and does things in an orderly manner. She lives in the same city as us but rarely comes over to help babysitting. According to northern customs, usually the mother-in-law will provide great help when the daughter-in-law is pregnant and gives birth. However, my situation is completely opposite, my mother-in-law, even if she is retired at home, always stays away from helping with the children.
I remember when Xiaole was born, I needed to stay in the hospital for nearly a month because of a caesarean section. During this period, my mother-in-law only came three times, and each time she came, she was in a hurry, and after sitting for less than half an hour, she said that she had other things to do. After returning home, Li Wei and I had to figure out our own way and hire a month-old sister-in-law to help take care of Xiaole and me. When Xiaomei was born, the situation did not improve at all, and my mother-in-law did not even visit us once a month.
This cold attitude gradually alienated my feelings for my mother-in-law. Although Li Wei understands me, he is also in an awkward position as a person caught between his mother and wife. Whenever this topic was raised, he always tried his best to mediate, persuading me to be more understanding, maybe my mother-in-law was too old and didn't want to worry too much, or she thought that we were young and should be able to cope with it on our own.
Today, this question is once again on the table. Our family of four was having dinner, and Li Wei suddenly spoke: "Wanwan, my mother called today, and she said that she is old and wants to move in with us, so that she can help us take care of the children." ”
I froze, and the chopsticks paused in the air for a few moments before they were put back into the bowl heavily. "Now she wants to help take care of the children? Now that the children are older, where was she when she needed help the most?" my voice, although very low, was full of unconcealable dissatisfaction.
Li Wei obviously expected my reaction, and he sighed softly, "I know that my mother really didn't care much about this family at the beginning, but she really wants to make up for it now." She was really lonely at home alone. ”
"Make it up?" I couldn't help but ask, "It's the right thing to do, but it doesn't mean we have to accept her way." We also have our lives, and suddenly there is an extra adult, and our lives have to be readjusted. ”
Just when we were at a stalemate, my father-in-law called, and after Li Wei picked it up, his father-in-law's anxious voice came from the other end of the phone: "Wei'er, your mother and I talked to me today about wanting to move to your side." I think it's a good idea, she's getting older, and we have to think about her old age. ”
Li Wei listened to the phone and looked at me, and I knew that this decision was not only about me and my mother-in-law, but also about the expectations of Li Wei and his father. After hanging up the phone, Li Wei said, "Dad also thinks Mom should come to our side." ”
"I need time to think about it. I replied lightly, but I was thinking in my heart that if I really wanted to accept my mother-in-law's arrangement to come and live, I needed to set some rules and conditions to ensure that the harmony of this family and my personal space were not excessively violated.
After dinner, I sat alone on the couch in the living room, thinking about the possibilities and challenges of my mother-in-law moving in with us. I decided to list three conditions for myself and discuss them with Li Wei tomorrow. If these basic requirements are not agreed upon, then the possibility of living together is impossible.
The next morning, I stopped Li Wei before he went out and told him that I had thought of a few conditions, and if they could be accepted, I would not object to my mother-in-law moving in.
"Tell me about it. Li Wei said while tying his tie.
I took a deep breath, first of all, I asked my mother-in-law to be able to share some of the housework, not all of it alone. "If my mother-in-law moves in, I hope she can help with some household chores, at least take care of the cleaning and tidying of her own room. ”
Li Wei nodded, "This is reasonable, I will tell my mother." ”
The second condition is about personal space. "Mother-in-law has to have her own life and can't stay at home all day. She can participate in some senior activities and make some friends, which will not only enrich her social life, but also reduce friction between us. ”
Li Wei was silent for a while, and then said: "I also agree with this, Mom should indeed have more social activities, and I will help her find a nearby senior activity center." ”
The last condition, which I think is the most important, is about the rights and methods of educating children. "I don't want my mother-in-law to interfere too much in my child's education. She can give advice, but the final decision should be in our hands. ”
Li Wei paused, obviously this condition made him a little embarrassed. "This may require you and me to sit down with Mom and have a good talk and find a balance that is acceptable to everyone. ”
"Okay, that's it. When you come back, we'll talk to your mother-in-law together. I said.
In the evening, my mother-in-law came to our house for dinner, and the atmosphere was a little tense. I prepared braised pork and stewed tofu, which my mother-in-law likes to eat, hoping to lighten the mood with delicious food.
At the dinner table, Li Wei first broke the silence: "Mom, Wanwan and I are very welcome for you to come and live with us, but we hope to talk about some rules of cooperative life first." ”
The mother-in-law put down her chopsticks and looked a little nervous, "You say, I'll listen." ”
I looked at Li Wei, and he motioned for me to start. I cleared my throat, "Mom, first of all, we want you to help with some household chores, such as taking care of your room and some light household chores. ”
The mother-in-law nodded, "There is no problem with this, I can do it." ”
"Secondly, we want you to have your own social life and not stay at home all day. It's good for yourself. I continued.
The mother-in-law looked at Li Wei, and then replied, "I'll try this, you can go and see what activities are nearby." ”
Finally, I talked about the issue of children's education, "We hope that we can make the final decision on children's education. ”
This obviously made the mother-in-law a little uncomfortable, and she frowned, "I'm just afraid that you guys are too busy to see it." ”
Li Wei interjected, "Mom, we will work hard, but we do hope to have a leading role in this issue." ”
After the meal, we sat in the living room for a long time and discussed in detail how to reconcile each other's living habits and expectations. Although my mother-in-law was a little reluctant, she finally agreed to our conditions. She also expressed some of her worries and expectations.
In the evening, when Li Wei and I were lying in bed, he said softly, "Thank you, Wanwan." I know it's not going to be easy for you. ”
I turned around and looked at him, "For the sake of this family, it's worth it." ”
A week before my mother-in-law moved in with us, Li Wei and I began to prepare intensely. We cleaned a guest room, redecorated it and bought new beds and cabinets to make sure my mother-in-law had a comfortable living environment. I also went out of my way to buy some home décor that my mother-in-law liked, hoping that she would feel our sincerity and welcome.
On the day my mother-in-law moved in, the weather was unusually sunny. Li Wei went to pick her up, while I was busy at home with the final preparations. The children also felt the upcoming changes, and Xiaole kept asking, "Mom, is Grandma really coming to live with us today?"
"Yes, Grandma will be staying in the room over there, so you can spend more time with Grandma. I replied as I tidied up the table.
Soon, Li Wei came back with his mother-in-law. As soon as my mother-in-law entered the door, I greeted her and helped her with her luggage, "Mom, it's the road, I'll help you put your things in the room." ”
The mother-in-law smiled slightly, "Thank you Wanwan, you guys really bothered." ”
When I showed her around the newly furnished room, she looked around and nodded in satisfaction, "You guys are really thoughtful. ”
Afterwards, we sat in the living room as a family, drinking tea and chatting. Li Wei tried to ease the atmosphere, "Mom, are you still used to the environment at home? ”
"It's nice here, much better than if I was alone in an old house. The mother-in-law took a sip of tea, and a trace of gratitude flashed in her eyes.
At dinner, I made a few dishes that my mother-in-law liked, and we chatted while eating, and the atmosphere gradually became lively. After the meal, Xiaole and Xiaomei took their mother-in-law to the sofa in the living room to watch TV, while Li Wei and I arranged the dishes and chopsticks in the kitchen.
"It seems that Mom is in a good mood today, and the children are also very happy. Li Wei said.
"yes, hopefully we can keep that atmosphere. I replied, although I was still a little apprehensive in my heart, but seeing that my mother-in-law and the children got along well, I also felt that my efforts were not in vain.
After a few days, I started to notice that my mother-in-law was really trying to adjust to the new environment and follow the rules we had agreed upon. She cleans her room herself and sometimes offers to help with cooking or washing dishes.
One night, when my mother-in-law was helping me wash the vegetables in the kitchen, we had a deeper conversation.
"Wanwan, I've been giving you trouble these days. The mother-in-law said while washing the vegetables.
"Mom, what's this, I'm glad you could help. I responded with a smile.
"Actually, I didn't help you much before, and I don't think I'm going to be able to do it. The mother-in-law's voice lowered.
I stopped what I was doing and looked at her seriously, "Mom, we're all a family, let's let it pass." The important thing is that we can get along well now. ”
My mother-in-law looked at me, and a hint of emotion flashed in her eyes, "Thank you, Wanwan, I will try my best to be a good mother-in-law and a good grandmother." ”
Since then, my mother-in-law has really been more integrated into our lives as we would have liked. She started participating in a nearby square dance troupe, dancing with a group of seniors her age every afternoon, and came back with a spring breeze on her face, telling her new friends and interesting stories about them. In the evenings, she would watch TV with the children, tell them stories, and sometimes even teach them to draw or do crafts.
Although there will be some minor friction between us once in a while, there has been a lot of improvement and progress compared to before. Through continuous communication and adjustment, the relationship between our family has become more and more harmonious, and the addition of my mother-in-law has also brought more warmth and vitality to the family.
As my mother-in-law's days in our family grew longer and longer, I gradually felt her sincerity and efforts to change. One day, I was sorting out the bookshelves in the living room when my mother-in-law came over to help.
"Wanwan, is this book Xiaole's?" asked my mother-in-law, holding a children's book in her hand, smiling.
"Yes, Mom, that's his favorite book lately. I replied, putting the other magazines in their places.
My mother-in-law nodded, put down the book, and then looked at me, "Wanwan, do you think that you are still satisfied with what I am doing now? ”
I stopped what I was doing and looked at my mother-in-law seriously, "Mom, you've done a good job." The home has become warmer because of you. The children are also happier. ”
When the mother-in-law heard this, a satisfied smile appeared on her face, "That's good, that's good." I just want to do something for this family, and I don't want to worry about you all the time. ”
Our conversation is interrupted by the laughter of the children, and Xiaole and Xiaomei run in from outside, each holding a small flower in their hands.
"Grandma, look, we've picked flowers for you!" Xiaomei excitedly handed her mother-in-law one.
The mother-in-law took the flower and stroked Xiaomei's head with a smile, "Thank you Meimei, grandma likes it so much." ”
Watching their interactions, my heart warmed. Such a picture used to be just an unattainable longing in my heart.
One weekend a week later, our family planned a picnic in a nearby park. My mother-in-law got up early to help prepare the food, and she was busy in the kitchen with me.
"Mom, tell me what to prepare earlier, don't take care of everything yourself. I whispered as I washed the vegetables.
The mother-in-law smiled, "I'm not used to it." I used to do this and that by myself, but now that someone is helping, I'm really not used to it. ”
I handed her a bowl of cut fruit, "Mom, don't worry, we can divide and cooperate in the future, and you don't have to be busy alone." ”
After sorting out the picnic items, we set off with the kids. There weren't many people in the park, so we found a clean place to spread out picnic cloths and the kids couldn't wait to run and play.
Li Wei was helping the children prepare kites, while my mother-in-law and I sat on picnic cloths and watched them.
"Wanwan, with a daughter-in-law and grandchildren like you, I feel very happy. The mother-in-law said suddenly.
I smiled and responded, "Mom, we're happy too." With you, home is like a warm force. ”
The afternoon sun shines through the leaves, dappled on us. A light breeze blows, bringing a burst of coolness. My mother-in-law and I talked a lot, from family to life. This conversation brought our hearts a little closer.
On the way home, my mother-in-law held my hand, "Wanwan, thank you for being so tolerant of me and giving me the opportunity to be a good mother-in-law again." ”
"Mom, you're doing a great job, let's work together to make this home better. "I held my mother-in-law's hand tightly, and my heart was full of gratitude.
Since then, we have paid more attention to each other's feelings, whether it is daily life or holiday travel, and strive to make each member of the family feel the warmth and love of home. The change of my mother-in-law also made me deeply feel the importance of understanding and support between my family. Our relationship has become stronger and more harmonious because of these daily efforts.
One weekend a few months later, we decided to invite Li Wei's father to our house as well, because he usually lives alone in another city and rarely has the opportunity to get together with our family. When my mother-in-law heard that her wife was coming, she started preparing early, and she even made a menu and wanted to cook a few dishes that her wife liked.
"Wanwan, what do you think of this menu? I want to make something your father-in-law loves. My mother-in-law asked as she showed me the menu.
I looked at the menu and nodded, "Mom, this is very good." I know Dad especially likes the braised pork you make. ”
"That's it. If you have time, can you help me prepare?" the mother-in-law's eyes were full of anticipation.
"Of course, Mom. I replied.
The day my father-in-law arrived, our family was excited. Xiaole and Xiaomei stood at the door early and waited, and as soon as they saw their grandfather, they ran over and hugged him.
"Grandpa, you're finally here!" Xiaole said excitedly.
The father-in-law smiled and hugged them, "I haven't seen you for so long, grandpa wants to kill you." ”
When he entered the door, his father-in-law looked very happy when he looked at the layout of the house and the waiting family. The mother-in-law took him by the hand and led him into the house.
"Wife, today I prepared your favorite dish, I hope you will like it. The mother-in-law said as she took him to see the prepared dishes.
The father-in-law looked at the table of dishes and said with emotion: "I really didn't expect to be able to eat this good dish you made at my son's house." ”
At the dinner table, our family sat together, and the atmosphere was very warm. Everyone, you talk and laugh with me.
"These dishes are so delicious today, Mom, you have worked hard. Li Wei looked at his mother-in-law gratefully.
The mother-in-law smiled and waved her hand, "It's nothing hard, I'm satisfied to see everyone happy." ”
After the meal, we went to the living room and sat down, and my father-in-law began to tell the story of his youth, and the children listened with relish.
"Dad, you were such a hero when you were young. Li Wei interjected with a smile.
The father-in-law smiled, "That's all in the past, and now it's my greatest happiness to be with my family." ”
The mother-in-law held her father-in-law's hand, her eyes gentle, "After so many years, we can still sit together like this, it is really a gift from God." ”
In the evening, when Li Wei and I were tidying up the kitchen, he suddenly said, "Wanwan, when you see your parents like that today, have you ever thought that we will be like that in the future?"
I stopped what I was doing and looked at him, "Of course I thought that if we could still hold hands like them in the future, then I would feel that our lives were successful." ”
Li Wei came over and hugged me tightly, "With you by my side, I'm not afraid of anything." ”
At that moment, I deeply felt the power of home. No matter how the outside world changes, as long as the family is united, there is nothing that cannot be overcome.
The visit of my mother-in-law and father-in-law added more laughter to our home. Since then, we have cherished each other's company and every opportunity for family gatherings even more. And the relationship between me and my mother-in-law has become more harmonious because of mutual understanding and respect. This home, because of love, is full of warmth and happiness.
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