Editor-in-chief: Qua Ma, a senior nursery teacher, has been in the maternal and infant industry for more than ten years, sharing parenting knowledge and parent-child education experience..... Make it easy for you to bring a baby.
Ran Ran is a 5-year-old boy who throws toys everywhere every time he plays with them at home. Mom and Dad have emphasized countless times to Ran Ran that they should be organized, reasonable, loving and clean children, and Ran Ran also understands that it is wrong for him to throw toys everywhere, but he just doesn't want to clean up. Only when the parents are staring at him, he will reluctantly clean up slowly, and the parents walk away for a while, and then put down the toys and do not clean up.
I believe that many parents are very annoyed by their children's reluctance to obey the requirements, and feel that everything is what their children should do.
In psychology, researchers refer to children's obedience to their parents' demands as obedience, and distinguish between two forms of obedience:
One is called restrictive obedience, in which the baby willingly and actively complies with the parents' requests;
The other is called situational obedience, which is the reluctant obedience of the heart in the above situation, where the child's compliance with the parent's request is only based on the parent's coercive control.
So what should parents do when their children show situational obedience and reluctantly obey their parents?
1
Build a close parent-child relationship.
A child's identification and intimacy with his or her parents does not happen just when the parents ask for their children, but in everyday life.
If the child's relationship with the parents is positive and intimate, and the parent-child interaction is loving and warm, then the child will also tend to maintain this intimate relationship, be more willing to accept the parents' requests, and show more restrictive obedience.
Conversely, if parents are indifferent and slow to respond to their children's needs, the child will not establish a warm parent-child relationship with the parents, and the child may be more situationally submissive or unwilling to comply with the parents' demands.
Therefore, parents should be timely and sensitive to the needs of their children, actively respond to their children's needs, share their inner emotional experiences with their children, and let their children feel warm and caring.
2
Love and rules need to be balanced.
Adopt an authoritative parenting style (For parenting styles, see "How Parents Raise Children". It is necessary to convey both love for children and requirements for children.
3
Explain patiently and reasonably.
When making rules, tell your child why you are making the rules and help them understand why they need to follow the rules. When your child violates the rules, try to avoid using methods such as "I don't like you anymore!" or "I want to see you" to revoke love to oppress the child, and avoid frequently using power suppression to punish or intimidate the child to complete the request.
Listen patiently to the child's ideas, understand the child's needs, find the part that can be coordinated with the child's needs and rules, and promote the child's implementation of the rules.
4
The heart of accepting children is reluctant.
The reason why a rule is a rule means that it is enforced, even if you don't want to.
Therefore, even if the child shows a state of reluctance, but still completes the things that the parents ask to do under a certain pressure, it actually shows that the child can obey and implement the rules, and parents do not need to care too much about the child's emotions, they can accept the child's small negative emotions and affirm the child's behavior of implementing the rules.