Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
For marriage, every woman has a beautiful vision. But after getting married, because he couldn't handle the relationship with his in-laws, this longing finally turned into a disappointment.
From time to time, women complained to me that her in-laws looked down on her and that she was always an outsider in this family, which made her feel extremely painful and sad.
So, why does your in-laws look down on you? Many times, there is only one reason - you don't love yourself well and don't live out your own worth and dignity.
01
A reader told me about what happened to her.
She married to an in-law with very strict family rules. At first, she struggled to meet her in-laws' expectations, but found herself increasingly unhappy.
Moreover, her mother-in-law's family did not give her the respect she deserved, and even did not take her seriously, and often spoke disrespectfully.
Later, she realized what was wrong with her. It's because she cares too much about her in-laws' opinions and ignores her inner needs. If you don't take yourself seriously, how can others take it seriously?
So, she began to focus on herself and strive to improve herself. Slowly, she became more and more confident, and her in-laws began to look at her with admiration.
At all times, you must understand one truth: respect is not given by others, but earned by yourself.
As Schopenhauer said, "The value of man is determined at the moment of temptation." ”
When you are facing your in-laws, if you show low self-esteem and cowardice, then they are likely to look down on you for it.
On the contrary, if you are confident, independent, and assertive, then they will not dare to underestimate you.
02
So, how can we truly love ourselves and live out our worth and dignity?
First of all, maintain economic and spiritual independence.
As the saying goes: "The mountains will fall, everyone will run, and only yourself is the most reliable." ”
For a woman to gain respect in her in-laws' family, she must first maintain her financial and spiritual independence.
Financial independence gives you the confidence to face the ups and downs of life, while spiritual independence allows you to have the ability to think independently and make you more assertive.
When you're no longer dependent on others, you're in more control of your life and more likely to earn the respect of others.
Second, stick to your principles and bottom line.
There is a saying that "a man without principles and without will, like a ship without a rudder and a compass, will change his direction at any time as the wind changes." ”
In the process of getting along with her in-laws, women should adhere to their own principles and bottom line, and do not be overly tolerant and compromised.
When you face unfair treatment or some unreasonable demands, you must stand up bravely to stand up for your rights.
Only in this way can you let your in-laws understand that you are a person with a bottom line, so that you will not be despised.
Thirdly, strive to improve your inner self-cultivation.
It is said that "there is poetry and writing in the belly", if a woman wants to live in her in-law's family and have a status, she also needs to work hard to improve her inner cultivation.
Read more, study more, see more of the world, and make yourself more connotative, temperamental, and even more capable.
When you have a wealth of knowledge and experience, you will be able to express a unique perspective on something. Then, your speech and demeanor will naturally reveal a unique charm, which will make your in-laws look at you differently.
Finally, establish good communication.
Communication is the bridge of the heart, and to get along with her in-laws, women must learn to establish a good way of communication.
Listen, understand, and tolerate each other, and respect each other's differences and perspectives. When you are able to be honest and communicate with your in-laws on an equal footing, your relationship will naturally become more and more harmonious.
03
It is often said: "Life is like the ocean, only the strong-willed can reach the other side." ”
Although it is not easy to get along with her in-laws, women should maintain a positive and optimistic attitude. Don't dwell on small things, but be big-hearted and believe in your abilities.
When you approach life with a positive mindset, you will find that everything is moving in a good direction.
We must always remember that marriage is not the whole of life, but a small part of life. We need to learn to pay attention to our own needs and feelings, and not to lose ourselves in order to cater to our in-laws.
Only when we live our own value and wonderfulness can we truly win the respect and recognition of our in-laws, and can we truly have a place in our in-laws' family.