As night fell, Zhang Kesha sat quietly at the front of her desk, her eyes deep as she gazed at the heavy manuscript in her hand, the autobiography "Women's Dream" that took her two years of hard work.
The work is full of sincerity and delves into the rich and varied course of her life.
For many sleepless nights, she faced the overwhelming hundreds of pages of drafts alone, endless tears spilling down her cheeks. The bits and pieces of her life are like slides in her mind: from the moment she fell to the ground to adulthood, from gender to marriage, her life's achievements are like riding a magnificent roller coaster, full of thrills and ups and downs.
Once, in order to hide her transgender identity, she had to live incognito, and during her work at the Friendship Store, a large number of onlookers gathered at the door to point fingers and taunt her, and her colleagues also stayed away from her.
Her first love ended without a hitch, and Chen Ping's mother ruthlessly humiliated her in public, which deeply pierced her heart.
Subsequently, she married Mr. Xiao, a wealthy businessman, and lived a seemingly carefree life as a "noblewoman", but deep down she had no feelings for this marriage.
In Hong Kong, she once had a thriving career and became a well-known model, but she was blackmailed by her hometown Ali, forced to flee Taiwan, her mother died, her husband died, she fell into extreme grief, and when she sorted out her husband's belongings, she suddenly realized that she had never really loved him.
Now, Zhang Kesha hopes that through this book, the world will understand and accept her choice, and at the same time, let herself regain her courage and face life with a more open mind.
She hopes that this book will become a precious record and testimony of her life, telling the world about the tortuous and courageous life of a transgender person.
Zhang Kesha was born into a military family, and his father, Zhang Shuxiang, was a well-known founding major general. As the youngest child in the family, Zhang Kesha has been deeply loved by her parents since she was a child, and relatives and friends affectionately call her "Little Seventh Son".
However, since childhood, Zhang Kesha has shown a distinctive femininity. She loved to wear her sister's dresses, play with the girls, and even grew long hair.
At first, the parents didn't pay much attention to it, and the mother even quipped, "This is my little daughter!"
As the years passed, Zhang Kesha's femininity became more and more revealed. After entering the school, his behavior on campus is incomprehensible: whether it is his facial expression, words and deeds, or the tone of his speech, he has an irresistible feminine atmosphere.
Teachers were deeply concerned about this phenomenon and visited him many times and strongly advised his parents to take him to the hospital for a full check-up.
In the tolerance of his family and the ridicule of society, Zhang Kesha gradually realized that he was deeply troubled by gender identity. After puberty, he became convinced to change himself through medical means and become a real woman.
In 1980, under the hesitation of his family and the bitterness of his teachers, Zhang Kesha joined the Chinese People's Liberation Army under the arrangement of his father, hoping that the rigorous training of the army would give him more "manliness".
However, to everyone's surprise, in the barracks, Zhang Kesha not only failed to get out of the shadows, but secretly bought estrogen and began to inject himself, and his inner world is undergoing a great change like a river and a sea, and is ready to go.
In 1983, after retiring from the army, Zhang Kesha moved to Changsha and worked as a salesman at the most well-known local "Friendship Store". In order to say goodbye to the past completely, he resolutely decided to change his name to "Zhang Kesha".
This not only marked the beginning of a new chapter in his life, but also a pivotal moment for him to publicly declare his gender identity.
However, fate does not seem to show much mercy to Zhang Kesha. Whenever she goes to work, a large crowd of onlookers gather in front of the store, pointing fingers, sneering at her, and even speaking ill of her.
Some deliberately questioned whether her hands had become weak, and others maliciously speculated whether her doctor had told her whether she would be able to have offspring in the future.
These words ruthlessly cut and stung Zhang Kesha's self-esteem like sharp knives. When the other employees in the store saw this, they chose to stay away, lest they suffer from the fish in the pond.
The leaders of the store are also increasingly dissatisfied with the "lively" scene of Zhang Kesha's door.
What's even more shocking is that the first blow that came was that Xiao Zhang missed out on his love with Chen Ping. When Chen Ping's mother learned about the relationship between the two, she openly abused and humiliated Xiao Zhang in public, causing her to suffer deep psychological trauma.
In the face of doubts and ridicule from all walks of life, Xiao Zhang was under tremendous pressure, feeling that although the world was vast, he could not find a place to truly belong to him.
In extreme helplessness, she chose to leave the place that made her heartbroken and return to the Dongguan toy factory where she once worked. There, she married her boss, Mr. Xiao, who had a crush on her, and then moved to Hong Kong to live a seemingly carefree life as a "rich wife".
Her husband, Mr. Xiao, cares so much for her that he even hired two Filipino maids to take care of her daily life.
However, deep down, Xiao Zhang was not really involved in this marriage. It is more like she has used her husband's strength and wealth to get rid of the shadow of the past and start a new journey in life.
For Mr. Xiao, who has entered middle age, Xiao Zhang is just an ornament he cherishes.
In Hong Kong, Xiao Zhang, with his unique temperament and graceful figure, quickly became a well-known local fashion model, and his career was booming, and even surpassed Zhong Liti, who later became famous.
However, the good times are short-lived, and she is forced to flee to Taiwan for refuge after being blackmailed by her fellow countryman Ali. At this time, the bad news of the death of her mother and the death of her husband came one after another, which undoubtedly brought a heavy blow to her.
In the process of sorting out her husband's belongings, Xiao Zhang suddenly realized that she had never sincerely devoted herself to this marriage, and had been trying to hide her identity as a transgender person and live a miserable life of self-disguise.
Tears flowed down her face, and she fell into endless pain.
In a moment of extreme pain, Xiao Zhang stumbled upon an old newspaper from January 1983, which reported in detail how she underwent sex reassignment surgery.
All the past came back to her eyes like a movie screen: the struggle between her and her family to get the surgery approved, and the moment the operation was successful, she cried tears of joy and finally realized her dream.
In order to conceal her true identity, she had to resort to various means to conceal and deceive.
Once, in order to survive, she hid this big secret from those closest to her. From a certain point of view, it seems that the behavior at that time was out of helplessness, but in retrospect, it was undoubtedly a kind of self-deception and betrayal of loved ones.
She expressed her deep gratitude and respect to her husband, Mr. Xiao, for his meticulous care and understanding during the long journey, but at the same time, Zhang Kesha felt deep remorse and self-reproach for her selfish desires and deception.
The more touching plot is that Zhang Kesha learns a long-buried secret from a personal maid. It turned out that Ali, the fellow who blackmailed her back then, did not disappear without a trace, but was severely punished by the people sent by Mr. Xiao and sent back to his hometown.
Mr. Xiao always silently guarded her to avoid any harm to her, but he chose to remain silent in order not to let her know about it.
Tears welled up in her eyes again, and Zhang Kesha cried bitterly, regretting her past wrongdoings. She realizes that she has been bound by narrow social concepts for a long time, and she is afraid that revealing the truth will be spurned by everyone, and instead hurting the people who cherish her most.
At that moment, she was determined to make her true experience public, no longer hiding and deceiving, and bravely opening her heart to the world, breaking free from the shadows and re-examining life.
Since then, Zhang Kesha has started a new chapter in her life. She was determined to record her experiences, stop hiding herself, and bravely meet the challenges of the world.
So, Zhang Kesha worked tirelessly, and after two years, finally completed an autobiography of hundreds of pages - "Women's Dream". The work vividly depicts her upbringing, gender transition surgery, career, and emotional world, revealing her heartfelt monologues, magnificent twists of fate, and endless longing for a beautiful love.
As soon as the book came out, it aroused strong repercussions from all walks of life. Many people were moved by Zhang Kesha's bumpy life experience, and countless readers spoke highly of her, calling her an outstanding and brave woman.
Some readers who were originally biased against transgender people also read the book to gain insight into their hardships and expressed their willingness to understand and accept them.
Thankfully, the book has become a spiritual pillar for many of her fellow travelers, and many transgender people have been inspired by Zhang's story and have written to express their gratitude and understanding.
According to rumors, people who have read this book seem to be able to inspire hope and courage in their hearts again, and from then on, they will be able to unload the inferiority complex and fear in their hearts, face life more firmly, and bravely show their true selves! Indeed, it is precisely because of this book called "Women's Dream" that the brave Zhang Kesha from 1970 and Mr. Yan Ke, who was born in 1964, got acquainted.
Mr. Yan Ke is a middle-aged writer who has been divorced for many years, and after reading "A Woman's Dream", he developed a deep admiration for the heroines depicted in the book.
Mr. Yan Ke was deeply impressed by Zhang Kesha's spirit of daring to pursue himself and perseverance, and he couldn't help but be attracted and fascinated by this girl's story.
Therefore, in a letter to Zhang Kesha, Mr. Yan Ke wrote in sincere and warm strokes: "I firmly believe that Zhang Kesha is essentially a woman, she has achieved self-regression through medical means, she is a great woman, she has always bravely pursued her own life, I am full of admiration for her, I am eager to have the opportunity to meet her, and become her friend, I am a divorced man who has suffered setbacks on the road of love."
When Zhang Kesha received this letter, her heart was full of excitement. In her reply, she expressed her feelings in sincere and affectionate words: "I was deeply touched by Mr. Yan's sincere attitude, and I am extremely pleased for your understanding and recognition of me.
If we have a good time, I will not hesitate to choose to spend the rest of my life with you, everyone should have the right to be free to express themselves, I am just one step behind others".
In this way, a transsexual and a divorced man meet under the arrangement of fate. Although their respective life experiences are full of twists and turns, they all have a strong belief and dare to pursue their own lives.
Perhaps, this is what love should look like, they will support each other in the coming days, heal the wounds of the soul together, and use love to overcome all the prejudices in the world.