A mother's distress: My daughter has always been quite sensible, but since she was in junior high school, she has changed. I asked her to go east and she went west, becoming more and more disobedient, and she also learned to talk back, which really me off.
I believe that many parents have such distress, for the phenomenon of children's backtalking, we can not blindly blame the child, with their own parental authority to suppress the child, to understand the reasons behind the child's backlash, actively guide the child, and change their own education methods.
In fact, there is usually a reason why children talk back to their parents. Let's see how these children answer why they talk back, and maybe it will be inspiring for parents!
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Why should I talk back to my mom and dad
▊ 1. Words are not believed
Last week, I made a promise with my dad to take me to Disney if I finished my homework. But when I finished it, he changed his words and said, when you are admitted to the top ten in the class, don't think about it if you can't pass the test. I'm really angry, why do you adults say so badly......
▊ 2. Feel aggrieved
Actually, I would only talk back when my mother misunderstood me. One time I just wanted to help her with a little housework and not let her work hard, and accidentally broke the bowl. My mother came up to me and yelled, "Who told you to wash the dishes!
▊ 3. Parents do not lead by example
Mom and Dad asked their children to do something, but they didn't do it. Let me go to bed early, but they don't come home until the early hours of the morning when they play mahjong outside, and tell me not to play on the computer, but my mother watches Korean dramas on the computer for hours.
▊ 4. Parents are domineering
I think my parents are too domineering. My mother often taught me that I was your mother, so you have to listen to me, what do you know as a child?"
▊ 5. Always compare me with others
They only knew that it hit me, and my mother just talked about other people's children intentionally or unintentionally, and what awards did so-and-so win next door, and he was admitted to a key high school. Why do you always say that other people are good? Then you should find someone else's daughter to be your daughter!
▊ 6. Talking back is to express ideas
In front of our children, parents always feel that they are absolutely right, omniscient, omniscient, and omnipotent. In fact, I have grown up and have my own opinions, and when I disagree with my parents' opinions, if we don't "talk back" loudly, there is no power at all, and we should be brave enough to speak our minds.
▊ 7. I hate being ordered
I just wanted to finish the second half of the series and go to bed right away, but my dad insisted that he couldn't turn off my TV, and he always talked to me in a commanding tone, looking like he was on top, which made me very unhappy. "A slap doesn't make a sound", it can be seen from the above children's answers that children and parents are not unreasonable, and parents should also reflect on themselves, carefully analyze the reasons, talk to their children more, and understand their children.
It is not a good way for children to talk back to solve problems, and once they become accustomed to it, it is not conducive to children's learning and growth, and even affects the harmony of interpersonal relationships when they grow up. Therefore, as a parent, we should guide from the following aspects.
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What parents do
▊ 1. Control your emotions
Parents who are unable to make their children effectively stop talking back often have poor self-control and are inevitably rude and impatient when educating their children, and this improper handling method is often easy to hurt the child's mind.
▊ 2. Be calm in case of trouble, and reward and punish in moderation
As a parent, no matter how much mistake your child makes, don't be impatient, first ask the ins and outs of the matter, and then decide how to deal with it, don't engage in joint punishment, and don't turn over old accounts. Before rewarding and punishing, it is necessary to explain the reasoning so that the child is completely convinced.
▊ 3. Take the initiative to understand the child's intentions
When your child confronts you, you should ask yourself, "What is going on?" and when you understand your child's intentions, you will understand why all of a sudden the child is so rude. Thinking from the child's point of view helps parents ease the atmosphere and their own emotions.
▊ 4. Remind your child to change the way he speaks
Parents should say to their children bluntly, "Don't talk back", it is better to say, "I understand your feelings, but can you say it in a different tone?" or "I don't like you to talk like this, you can slowly convince me with your reasoning". If the child is angry, parents can also say, "I know you're angry right now, let's talk when you calm down, okay?"
▊ 5. Pay attention to teaching by word and deed
The child's ability to imitate is very strong, and if the parents themselves often talk back to their lovers and conflict with the elderly, then the intensity of disciplining the child can be imagined. Therefore, parents should set an example, be calm on weekdays, not impatient or impatient, and respect their words and deeds when they meet their elders, and their children will naturally listen to the teachings and no longer talk back.
▊ 6. Reduce the doting behavior of children
All parents know the harm of coddling, which can cause children to talk back, and only by expelling the atmosphere of doting on children can the phenomenon of talking back be reduced. It is best to be on the same side as the whole family, if the child is disobedient, it is obviously unreasonable to talk back, everyone ignores him, isolates him, and makes him suffer the consequences. And when he becomes reasonable and obedient, strengthen his conversion with words and deeds of encouragement.
▊ 7. Create a democratic family atmosphere
In order for children to have something to say easily, parents should not always assert themselves as authoritative. You may wish to create a sufficient democratic atmosphere at home, listen to whoever has a reason, and encourage your child to express his feelings at any time and resolve his grievances at any time. Don't be afraid that you will not have authority, in fact, the more you do this, the more your child will understand and identify with you. On the contrary, if parents always use "big" to suppress the small, in the long run, it may lead to the formation of rebellion or avoidance in the future.
▊ 8. Give the child the right to defend himself
Even if you know they are quibbling, listen patiently to what they have to say, and then help them realize their mistakes. If conditions permit, they can also choose to make up for their mistakes by making up for their mistakes, which is often the most acceptable to them.
For the phenomenon of children's backtalking, we should not blindly complain about the child, suppress the child with the authority of our parents, understand the reasons behind the child's backtalk, actively guide the child, and change our own education methods.
This article is transferred from Dong Jinyu Parent-Child Education, and transferred from Today's Education Media
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