How long has it been since you've lived as a couple?
Recalling the past, I have also turned the phoenix upside down, sweating, spring night after night...
When people reach middle age, the seven-year itch, the pillow partner is like the most familiar stranger, close to the eyes but the desire is lost...
How passionate and obsessive I used to be, how hopeless and tired I am now.
If you haven't done it for a long time, where have the desires of middle-aged couples gone?
01
How we feel about sex
Over time, we are afraid of sexuality, we don't know how to deal with the issue of sexuality in intimate relationships, we gradually lose interest in sex, and we become indifferent to each other and have no sexual attractiveness.
For those who enter into a marriage relationship, sex has become more of a means of procreation, leaving behind personal pleasure and enjoyment.
At this time, sex no longer becomes a kind of prohibition and repression, but we have been suppressed too deeply, forbidden for too long, and when people reach middle age, we have no desire and no sense in the face of this too much familiar body.
02
Acceptance and exclusion
We all have a thirst for sex, we all have a thirst for love, whether it's expecting him to spend more time doing foreplay, or putting aside the idea of shame to have a good experience.
Through intimate contact again and again, we rely on each other and trust each other.
03
Active and passive
Entering the seven-year itch, the income of the two is not high, and they are usually frugal, barely able to afford the mortgage.
What causes them to lose interest in each other is the daily trivialities and the weight of reality.
They prefer to be self-sufficient rather than trying to make fun.
Why hasn't it been done for a long time? From the movie, we can also see a side of modern life couples:
The exhaustion of running for a lifetime and the boredom of working and living day in and day out make couples tired, too lazy to do it, and not feeling it.
Life will not make people's desires disappear, but it will reduce the desire for in-depth communication between people, and the mutual run-in in marriage will wear off the excess communication costs between two people, leaving each other with a space for masturbation alone, which is a wordless tacit understanding between many couples.
04
Self-rediscovery and mutual redemption
The seven-year itch, sexless marriage, whether it is the re-exploration of the body and the further step of the relationship with each other, requires a lot of time and energy, bit by bit to awaken.
Sex and love are too complicated, and maybe we can start with something simple.
1. Fully open up your five senses
When two people stay together for a long time, when they hold hands, it is like holding hands with their left hands and holding their right hands, so it is very important to reawaken the five senses.
The five senses include sight, hearing, touch, taste, smell, and most importantly, the sensation of touch.
Try to touch every part of each other's skin, every inch of skin, feel the different textures and sensations brought by contact, from light to heavy, from slow to fast, from point to surface, inch by inch.
First of all, you have to find your heart, love yourself, respect yourself, so that you can attract the person who resonates with you.
When you are able to satisfy yourself and love yourself, then in an intimate relationship, you will not blindly cater to the needs of the other person and become a hollow and tool person in sex.
When you can feel yourself, you can better feel each other, connect with each other, and realize the bloom of true unity between two unrestrained individuals.
I believe that sex is an ability that doesn't age, an attitude, a practice, a potential that needs to be developed.
Marriages without sex seem to be dangerous in a sense, probably because the factory setting of marriage revolves around sexual relationships, and unless neither of them needs this thing, the demand is either suppressed or needs a channel to release.
I like the arrangement of the ending of "Long Time No Job", the two of them can't do it anymore, because the existence of the other party seems to be taken for granted, and it has become a part of the body as a matter of course, and there is a lot of dissatisfaction and resistance in this part, which makes people no longer have sexual desire, and the two people are mixed together.
After the breakup, the other party's face as an independent individual gradually became clear.
At the end of the first year of separation, I had been used to being with each other, and suddenly my surroundings were empty. The heroine sat alone in the newly rented apartment, with the TV on. The family called her to ask her to celebrate the New Year's Eve together, not to be too bleak alone.
She pointed the phone into the TV, said I was having dinner with friends, and hung up in a hurry. At this time, the male protagonist suddenly knocked on the door, and the two of them were actually rusty and cramped, as if the two had just met and fell in love on the side of the road, first there was a greeting without a match, and then the silence of the heating up, and finally the hand touched the hand, and the long-lost feeling seemed to be back.
The two of them seem to have completed a period of childbirth, finally separated from a stable and happy life, and become two people with names and independent people, and they finally start to do it again.
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