Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
It is often said that "young couples, old companions".
Many times, it is easy to become a couple, but it is not so simple to be able to really grow old.
After all, two people have to live together for decades, during which they have to go through various run-ins and quarrels, without a certain emotional foundation, mutual tolerance and understanding, it is difficult to really grow old together.
Those couples who can really stay together until old age are not because they have never had problems or conflicts with each other, but because most of them have done the following 3 things.
01
Have a solid emotional foundation
Any relationship is destined to be fragile if it does not have a solid emotional foundation, and even more so between husband and wife.
Before becoming husband and wife, two people have already gone through a process from acquaintance to acquaintance. In this process, the two parties have a certain understanding and understanding of each other, and have also established a certain emotional foundation.
This emotional foundation is like the foundation of a building, and only when the foundation is solid enough can the building stand firmly there and withstand the wind and rain.
A solid emotional foundation is not an impulse after love at first sight, but a deep friendship after a long time together. This kind of relationship is the determination of both parties to choose to be together after in-depth understanding, and it is a trust and commitment to each other.
The love story of Li Yinhe and Wang Xiaobo is a good example.
They met during a special period and experienced all kinds of twists and turns, but their love became more and more determined. After Wang Xiaobo's death, Li Yinhe still adhered to their love and missed Wang Xiaobo in her way.
This rock-solid emotional foundation is an important reason why they can grow old.
Shakespeare said, "True love cannot be expressed in words, but deeds are the best expression of faithfulness." ”
A solid emotional foundation is not built by sweet words, but by the sincerity and common experience of both parties.
02
Tolerate and understand each other
Between husband and wife, due to differences in personality, habits, hobbies, etc., it is inevitable that there will be friction and quarrels. However, couples who can really grow old know how to tolerate and understand each other.
They understand that everyone has their own strengths and weaknesses, and that no one in this world is perfect.
Therefore, they are willing to accept each other's imperfections and are willing to be tolerant and understanding when the other person makes mistakes.
This kind of tolerance and understanding is not a mistake to let go of the other party, but a kind of concession and compromise made in order to maintain the relationship between husband and wife.
The love story of Yang Jiang and Qian Zhongshu is a model of this kind of tolerance and understanding.
One of them is a literary genius, and the other is a talented woman, but they have too many different habits and hobbies in life.
However, they were able to tolerate and understand each other, and they have gone through a long time together. After Qian Zhongshu's death, Yang Jiang used her brushstrokes to recall the bits and pieces between them, and the deep friendship was moving.
The French writer Romain Rolland once said: "In marriage, everyone has to pay the price, and at the same time take something back, which is the law of supply and demand." "Tolerance and understanding between husband and wife is a balance between supply and demand.
You are willing to pay and give in for me, and I am willing to understand and tolerate for you. This kind of balanced relationship can make the husband and wife truly grow old.
03
Grow together and progress together
Couples who can really grow old are not blindly dependent on each other, but grow together and progress hand in hand.
Because they understand that marriage is never an end, but a new beginning. On the road to marriage, they are willing to learn together, grow together, and face the challenges of life together.
They are willing to be better for each other and are willing to continue to grow themselves in their marriage. This process of growing together can not only increase the relationship between couples, but also make their lives more meaningful.
The love story of Jack Ma and his wife Zhang Ying is the best interpretation of this kind of growing together.
Together, they founded the business empire of "Alibaba" and faced countless difficulties and challenges together. The tempering of life has made their feelings deeper and they have also achieved the transcendence of self-worth.
It can be said that this experience of growing up together has made their marriage more indestructible.
As Gorky said: "Marriage is the spiritual union of two people, the purpose of which is to overcome all the hardships and hardships of the world together." ”
Growing together is a must for husband and wife to walk hand in hand, and it is also the rib strength for them to grow old.
Couples who can really grow old are not free of contradictions and quarrels, but they know how to deal with them and how to make their feelings deeper in contradictions and quarrels.
May every couple cherish every step they have taken hand in hand and grow old together.