Maybe you've heard this phrase.
But 90% of women get it wrong.
I'll tell you a case and you'll understand.
A student said to me, Mr. Lu, my husband and I have been married for nearly 20 years, and both of us have our own careers.
Now I have 900w in assets and he only has 50w.
He can have a revenue now, thanks to my help, money, and advice, otherwise, he may still be in debt.
Over the years, he often doesn't go home at night, always messing with flowers and grass outside, but he has always "gone to the kidneys and not the heart", he doesn't care about the children, I am sick, he also plays mahjong outside and does not come back. But when I want to leave him, he will come back for a few days. There were a few times when he ran away from home to be free, and the longest time, he and I were separated for a year, but then came back.
But now he wants to leave me, saying that he has been miserable all these years, and he is firmly controlled by me, and now he only wants his company's assets, and he doesn't want my assets, that is, the 50w in his hand, just want to leave quickly.
I'm confused by him, doesn't it mean that men just need to be "free-range"?
I can be regarded as giving him full freedom, he plays with women, I don't care, he is out of the house, I don't care, he doesn't care about me and the children, I don't care. At this point, why does he have to get a divorce?
I say, you simply misunderstand the word "stocking".
The original meaning of "put" is "to capture and indulge";
We can give a man space, give a man time, and give a man freedom, but in essence, in exchange for his loyalty to marriage, there must be a bottom line in doing things.
And what many women think of as "free-range" is actually "indulgence".
In other words, the purpose of "putting" is to "receive".
Free-range ≠ abandoned.
In other words, it is the "face" that is put and the "lining" that is received.
The original meaning of "raising" is "to cultivate"
What is "cultivated"?
Develop a man's ability to pay for you and be loyal to this family.
So exactly, how?
In one sentence: we don't want to manage men, we want to give birth to men
1. Women must not care about men, and if they manage men, their marriage will be over
Now all kinds of "imperial husbands" are mentioned on the Internet, which essentially teach you how to "control men" and "educate men".
For example, after you find out that a man has betrayed, you have to let the man's mobile phone be checked at any time, you have to let the man sign an intramarital property agreement, and you have to break off with 2+1, these are not impossible to do, but the problem is that you can't only have these tricks.
Because men are animals of power, they are rebellious, and what they care about most is their own face.
You can control him for a while, but he must find an opportunity to fight back against you.
For example, the student I just talked about, she has two tricks for repairing marriage. The first is to tie up a man with money, every time a man makes trouble, every time he does it, in the end, his wife wipes his buttocks, and in the end, he is like a patient with "incontinence", completely losing the ability to take care of himself, and feels that everything is taken for granted. On the other hand, she felt that she was very bad in her heart, so she couldn't help but blame the man, counting the man, when the man asked for you, of course, he was willing to "endure the humiliation and anger", but once he "hardened his wings", he would soon be separated from you.
Ordinary men, with nearly 10 million family assets, take a 50w position, don't you feel a loss?
Her husband would rather suffer a loss like this than leave, because he feels that this kind of life of always "low wife" can't go on for a minute.
Second, women must learn to manage human nature, manage human nature, and men will give you love.
Therefore, women must learn to "manage love against human nature and love themselves according to human nature".
Since we talk about "human nature", we should understand that human nature is divided into "good and evil".
I have found that wives who have had a bad time in their marriages have one thing in common, that is, they are strong supporters of "human goodness".
They always have a fluke mentality: as long as I am good enough to a man, given time, he will definitely find out with his conscience.
She doesn't understand that only if you can harness the evil of human nature can you have the good of human nature.
So all the good that men do to you is that you do two things.
The first is to stop the evil of human nature.
The second is the goodness that inspires the human nature.
For example, I first told her that if you want to be a weak person for a lifetime, you should always be self-moved and self-compassionate, like a sister-in-law of Xianglin, and live in Gu Ying's self-pity and man's repeated injuries all your life.
If you want to be strong, don't complain and start learning to solve problems with your heart and brain.
From a man's point of view, he wants two things all his life:
- The success of his career can bring him a supreme sense of value.
- Emotional success can bring him a supreme sense of happiness.
With these two points, he can really become a better man.
But many wives don't know how to grasp these two points.
In fact, this involves the concept of "gestation".
I often say, don't treat a man as a man, just educate him as a child.
If you want to give him "paternal love", then you must train him to socialize.
For example, it is obvious that if a man does not have the ability to do business, you have to teach him to face reality and make him have the ability to manage himself.
If his business fails, do you want to give him more money to make him hock?
No.
Because you have to tell him that my money is going to appreciate, but the investment you are making now is risky for me.
At this time, many women will say, what if I reject him and he breaks up with me?
This is the problem that many wives are not enough.
She doesn't know that a man's respect for a woman is determined by a woman's sufficient boundary, sufficient concentration, and strong enough core.
A man will not love you because of conflict, he will only not love you because you compromise.
If you want to give him "motherly love", then you must give him enough nourishment.
Many wives will feel that I love this man, he is in trouble, I don't help him, I can't bear it.
In fact, if you think so, you don't understand the "evil of human nature".
If you help once, the man will appreciate you.
If you help every time, he will hate you.
Because he will have a "sour grape mentality", he feels that he is too weak, and he has to rely on your charity every time to "continue his life", your career is so good, his career is so bad, he will be jealous of you, and with you, he will always realize that he is very bad, and after a long time, he just wants to stay away from you.
At this time, can you resonate with his emotions and help him find his "presence" in your relationship?
Let him feel that even if I am defeated, I am still a big man in my wife's heart, and my dedication to my wife is very important to him.
Although I was not successful in my career, I was still a winner in my relationship.
If you can make him discover the sense of value in the "emotional track" and make him feel that you are the woman who understands him in the world, don't you say that his self has been nourished by emotion?
Therefore, women need to grasp human nature, need to manage human nature, need to be able to manage men against human nature, and follow human nature to raise men.
If you can do this, you can raise children and enrich yourself later, let alone do it.