Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
It has always been advocated in the long cultural tradition of the mainland.
To this day, respect for parents remains one of the traditional virtues of our society.
However, while it may seem easy to talk about filial piety, it can be challenging to put it into practice.
Many people may not know that playing a filial role is not so simple and straightforward.
Uncle Liu, 53, is an example.
It stands to reason that he is also about to enter the stage of enjoying his old age. But the reality is that Uncle Liu's daily life is full of busyness and rush, and he needs to take care of his father who is paralyzed by illness around the clock.
Although the people in the village praised Uncle Liu as a filial son,
The cause of the incident can be traced back to Uncle Liu's childhood.
As the eldest son in the family, he took on the responsibility of caring for his siblings from an early age. Since he was the eldest son, his father was extremely strict with him and always expected him to make sacrifices.
When his family was not well-off, his father even made him give up his studies and give up the opportunity to go to school to his siblings. Although there are many dissatisfactions in his heart, Uncle Liu has always borne silently and worked hard to support the family economy.
As time passed, Uncle Liu's siblings each succeeded, one became a factory owner and the other became a businessman, and their lives were rich and colorful.
Every time they go home, Uncle Liu is busy. However, all peace was shattered by his father's sudden stroke.
The father's surgery cost 60,000 yuan, and even after reimbursement, the family still has to pay more than 10,000 yuan out of pocket. At this time, the father said that he had no money.
It turned out that the parents' savings were taken away by the younger brother, who claimed that he was financially strapped and did not want to contribute more funds.
As a result, the cost can only be shared equally between the three siblings. The responsibility of caring for his father after he was paralyzed naturally fell on Uncle Liu alone.
Despite his best efforts, his father never smiled and found fault with him.
What's even heavier is that taking care of his father deprived Uncle Liu of a source of income. At his suggestion, his younger brother and sister reluctantly agreed to give him $4,000 a month for living support.
Despite this, they still frequently blame Uncle Liu and criticize him for all kinds of shortcomings.
Eventually, Uncle Liu couldn't bear it anymore and made it clear to his father and siblings that if he was to continue to take on the responsibility of taking care of his father, he must abide by the three rules he had set.
Before introducing these three rules, let's explore the psychological state of the elderly.
Only by understanding these psychological problems in depth can we, as children, deal with them more effectively.
It has been said that there are no parents in the world who love their sons. However, Wu Zhihong, a famous domestic psychologist, once pointed out that
This statement is actually a lie, not all parents love their children so much.
Unfair treatment is particularly common in families with many children.
Studies have shown that parents tend to favor children whose personalities are most similar to their own, leading to eccentricity in the home.
This situation is especially evident in Uncle Liu's family. He sacrificed too much for his family since he was a child, and even gave up his own more exciting future.
However, in the eyes of his parents and siblings, all this seemed to be taken for granted, and Uncle Liu failed to gain the respect and appreciation he deserved.
Therefore, getting his family to recognize his dedication and sacrifice over the years is Uncle Liu's most urgent task at the moment.
That's why his first rule was
First of all, ask the family to recognize and respect his efforts.
He talked about his own experience of dropping out of secondary school due to his family, and explained in detail to his siblings the time and energy required to care for his paralyzed father.
It was only after Uncle Liu concluded his statement that his younger siblings truly realized the great sacrifice he had made to his family.
They also understand the difficulties associated with caring for an elderly person with limited mobility.
According to the analysis of psychologists, as they get older, their physical strength gradually declines, and their emotions often become irritable and anxious.
This is mainly because they find it difficult to accept the deterioration of bodily functions, and this irreversible change often triggers their uneasiness.
Therefore, the stubbornness and irrationality shown by the elderly is actually a manifestation of a sense of powerlessness.
Especially in paralyzed patients like Uncle Liu's father, mood swings may be more frequent.
He also had to endure physical pain and loss of basic self-service ability compared to a healthy old man, and depended on others for even the most personal tasks of daily life, which undoubtedly deprived him of his basic dignity as an adult.
Uncle Liu emphasized the second rule to his younger siblings,
No matter how he takes care of their father in the future, he should not be free to criticize his way of care.
Educational psychologists propose that in a family environment, it is better to have only one voice, because if there is disagreement in the family, children can be confused and do not know who to listen to.
The same is true for caring for the elderly.
Unless it is a last resort, family members who are not directly involved in care should not blame the way they are cared for.
There is a good saying, but actually taking care of the elderly who cannot take care of themselves is an extremely heavy responsibility, and this kind of bound life often makes children sacrifice their personal lives and even lose themselves.
Therefore, only by experiencing the hardships of nursing firsthand can people truly understand the difficulties behind it.
In Uncle Liu's last words, he reminded his family of the third rule,
It is the responsibility of the whole family to take care of the elderly: those who have money must contribute, and those who are powerful must contribute.
In particular, those children who used to occupy more family resources should show more filial piety and not put all the responsibility on one person.
After his father became a paralyzed patient, Uncle Liu had to give up his job and take care of his father full-time, and even his personal time was greatly compressed.
Therefore, his younger siblings should give him appropriate financial compensation and take the initiative to share part of the responsibility when his father is seriously ill, both financially and practically.
Uncle Liu said that since he set these three rules, his father began to reflect on his own behavior, and the family's attitude towards him has also improved significantly.
In fact, it is the responsibility of the child to support his or her parents, but there are also ways and means to be considered.
Especially in families with multiple children, the responsibility for caring for the elderly should be shared equitably and should not fall on just one person. The burden on the whole family will only be lightened when everyone takes on a part of the responsibility.
If a person sacrifices all his personal life to care for his parents and has to endure unjustified criticism from other siblings, then this so-called filial piety is a foolish act and should not be encouraged.
根据心理学家马斯洛的需要层次理论（Maslow’s hierarchy of needs），
In addition to basic physiological needs, people have the need to be safe, social, respectful, and self-actualizing.
Therefore, while fulfilling filial piety, children should not completely lose themselves, otherwise it may lead to serious psychological problems.
In this regard, family members must give sufficient understanding and support to create a harmonious retirement environment.
The End -
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