Marriage has never been anyone's safe haven!, each other doesn't hate each other, it's enough to get married, just like "Siege", people in the city want to escape, people outside the city want to rush in, and in terms of marriage, there is nothing more than this.
In the course of marriage, it is both happiness and trouble, often take wine and pour alone, the more you want to be relied on, the more you often have no support in the end. After all, at any time, just like the "bride price" before marriage, the woman's family asks you if you want it, do you take it?
Sometimes women are born in patriarchal families and have to fight for everything on their own. It is very hard to conceive a baby in October, and it is very hard to do housework with a child, which has become a complaint, and then some experts boldly accepted interviews to speak for women, "Women are at a loss in marriage!"
So what are the experts saying about poisonous chicken soup or intimate words?
Experts analyze the classic sentences of the heart-warming nest
“。 When a woman gets a high bride price, she is often said to be the one who buys you with the money, is this objectifying the woman as a commodity, or is it a real guarantee for her?
"The value of having a child is not the same as not having a child, for example, after having two children, a woman's job will also be hit hard. Most of the housework and childcare work in marriage is undertaken by women, and it is not billed!"
"In marriage, it is easy for men to take advantage of women, and men will get more care, devaluing their social transaction value, so!"
"If women are required to be independent, they should not enter marriage at all, so many times, the slogan of self-reliance harms women,"
The heart-warming words seem to be really considering the problem from a female point of view, and I think no male friend will agree with this point of view. When did this notion arise?
Let's analyze the arguments that experts say:
。 It is true that two different unrelated families are united to become relatives.
If the woman's family is average, the man's family is good, the man can give a high bride price, and if they live in harmony, it is very good for both families, and the man can also help the woman's family, for example, the woman's family has brothers and sisters, etc. In the event of divorce due to emotional discord, the woman may also divide the joint marital property of the husband.
If the man's family is average and the woman's family is good, the man can not give the bride price, but many times the woman will ask the man to be the son-in-law, and the status between men and women will be changed, and the man's family conditions are poor, and he will not necessarily be helped, and will even be looked down upon, because the man has no responsibility to support the family. If you are divorced and want to divide the woman's family property, there is almost no such statement.
Then the families of both parties are very ordinary, and the woman also asks the man to give a high bride price, which must be unreasonable, after all, everyone is the same, and the family conditions are limited, resulting in limited ability. Nowadays, most marriages are basically given by the man as a bride price, and the woman does not have a penny, and the poorer the place and family, the higher the demand for the bride price.
Is it true that in marriage, women's protection should be responded to by the bride price?
The equality between men and women is actually very unfair in modern marriage, and of course it was the same in ancient times.
The woman's request for a bride price, the man's family should more or less also say, but it should not be too high, and you need to know whether the bride price is used for the formation of a small family, or the woman herself uses, that is indeed a kind of protection for women, after all, no one knows how long this marriage can last.
The bride price is all given to the woman's family to help the brothers and sisters in the family, so it should not be too demanding. After all, the pension of both parents will have to be borne by this small family in the future. It's realistic, but most people are just ordinary people.
Even if the bride price is given, it may not necessarily guarantee the material, because the bride price may be cobbled together?
In addition to the bride price, the woman's parents also have to ask the man to buy a house and a car in the city, and for these, they can also obtain property division if there is a divorce problem in the future.
Let's talk about having children. And it is normal for women to have children, and many women say that it is painful to conceive and give birth in October, and the child will also take the father's surname.
In this regard, it is impossible to argue who will suffer in the end, after all, this is the normal behavior of human reproduction, and there is nothing to say about drilling the horns of the bull.
According to the inertia of young people, in most families, children may be raised by grandparents, and many families are brought up by women themselves. In the eyes of women, if you want to take care of children, you can't work, and if you want to work, you can't take care of children.
On the whole, "men are strong and women are weak", so men will marry women home. So when the concept of marriage is reversed, women marry men home, that is, sons-in-law, and give houses and cars without the responsibility of supporting the family, I am afraid that too many men want to get involved.
, and the child will naturally be close to the mother. The only difference between men and women is that they can't have children, so it's not impossible for men to have children in the future of technology.
As long as the child is biological, what does it matter whose surname it is? If the surname is not with the male, where does the male have a sense of belonging, as if the child is not biological, it doesn't matter whose surname it is. People will be like the animal world, where they will be merciful and sowing, and after giving birth, they will run away, leaving women to take care of their own children.
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Experts say that women will consume their youth after giving birth to children in marriage, so if women do not get married and do not have children, this youth will still be consumed by time, and youth will not increase in value.
Everyone's ability to bear is different, just like some men earn tens of thousands a month, while some men only have a few thousand. Some women can bring their children to work, while others cannot. , close to the body, in order to empathize with enjoyment, with their own point of view to tell the things of others is not right.
Is it true that women are at a loss in today's marriage? Obviously, men are the ones who suffer the most. As long as a woman has a beautiful face, it can also be said that someone does not need to be beautiful to marry, someone is willing to spend money for you, and after marriage, you only need to pay the innate advantage to have children, take care of children, handle housework well, and work from home, basically nothing.
, even if you are divorced, you can still get part of your ex-husband's property, and then there are still men who are willing to marry you, why do many women feel that they are at a loss compared to men?
In the face of firewood, rice, oil and salt, men need to think too much about making money to support their families, and the money is earned and spent, and the money is not booked and is inconspicuous.
How to see the essence of marriage
For example, if the man's family is wealthy and the woman's family needs to alleviate poverty, the man will feel that he is suffering financially, but if the woman is beautiful or virtuous and gentle, she can provide good emotional value, and at the same time pay more for the family and children, the man will also feel balanced. In marriage, the man feels that he suffers, mainly because he feels that the exchange is not equal.
The woman attaches great importance to the material resources of the man, and the woman feels that the woman suffers in the marriage because she does not get the corresponding exchange value from the man. However, the demands of both men and women themselves are not consistent, and it is difficult to reflect them in language.
In the course of marriage, it is like the story of two people rowing a boat together, please savor it.
Woman: "I carry all the food, why do you eat more than me?"
Man: "I've always rowed the boat, what's wrong with me eating more?"
Woman: "You have a lot of strength, you should have rowed!"
Man: "You bring a lot of things, and the weight of the hull is caused by you!"
Woman: "Didn't you eat what I brought?"
Man: "You didn't contribute to my rowing!"
The two of them said a word to me, but they forgot the purpose of their trip this time, and they also missed the scenery on the road, but in fact, both of them went to the master's house to work.
When two people get married, there will be a lot of cost-effective expenditures, just like the three golds used for marriage, houses and cars that will inevitably depreciate in small cities, etc., causing parents of ordinary small families to consume their pension savings prematurely. An invisible force is preventing people from using their savings to join the cycle of value-added and supporting the overall development of society with a debt attitude.
After marriage, as long as there is a consumption addiction, extravagance and waste can lock the whole family into debt quickly, do you feel that people are running like cattle and horses, so as to join the social labor participation, reduce the bargaining power of production?
The generation of social value is a contribution for everyone. In marriage, both men and women are mutually satisfied, and they are mutually tolerant. If you talk about who will suffer and talk about equivalent transactions, you will inevitably lose the value of the word marriage!
To put it bluntly, a marriage certificate is a piece of paper with a few words written on it, which is the essential meaning of the marriage certificate.
, both men and women also speak from their own positions and perspectives, forgetting that marriage itself is a matter of two people. Having children is originally a responsibility and obligation to the family and society, and women have to say that they have suffered losses in marriage, so it is better not to get married.
I think that in marriage, both men and women are profiteering, and it is unrealistic to ask for a steady profit without losing, and you must know how to stretch the line to calculate the general ledger, only to find that in fact, everyone has earned, after all. The biggest problem with marriage is that it takes too long, so long that anything can happen suddenly.
The family environment is actually also an emotional management room, the bad temper and quarrels between husband and wife will be indirectly passed on to the children, so that the children become similar to their parents, this mutual harm of the cattle and horses model from generation to generation, and then promote the long-term interests of the society, after all, every family that is not good at management, is a devotee of society.
Who do you think has suffered in marriage?