Source: Hiphop Village
During the Spring and Autumn Period, the famous Chu State Ling Yin - Sun Shu Ao.
During his tenure, he made great efforts to make the state of Chu gradually stronger, and was praised as a virtuous minister by later generations.
It is rumored that Sun Shuao was dismissed three times before taking up the post of Ling Yin, but he was not resented or discouraged by this.
On the contrary, every time he was dismissed, he was able to deal with it calmly, as if none of these political turmoil had anything to do with him.
There is a hermit who comes to ask for advice, and everyone around you will inevitably sigh about what happened to you, what do you think in your heart?
Uncle Sun Ao smiled slightly when he heard this:
The gains and losses of the road to official office do not depend on me, if it falls on others, it has nothing to do with me, and if it falls on me, it has nothing to do with others, what is there to force?
The hermit listened with admiration.
Yes, life is your own, and it has nothing to do with anyone else.
When you focus on yourself and try to be yourself, instead of paying too much attention to the distractions and injustices of the outside world, you will find that those so-called resentments have nothing to do with you.
Because all you can control is yourself, and people and things in the outside world are uncontrollable.
01
People who are emotionally stable have their own aura, which comes from the mentality of "everything has nothing to do with me".
Many people feel that emotional stability is the norm for adults.
But this is often difficult to achieve, because people are often prone to get angry about things that have nothing to do with them -
opened Weibo, it was originally to see something new, but when I saw someone scolding idols, I immediately became angry;
When I went out for a walk, I was supposed to relax, but when I saw someone beating a stray cat, I was in a bad mood;
These things, people who can't fight with themselves are angry, and they have to complain to their friends, and sometimes they will go back in person.
What did you end up with? Nothing, except for a headache and chest tightness.
However, there are people around me who can always maintain emotional stability, and they have their own stable aura, which comes from the mentality of "everything has nothing to do with me".
These people's mantras are: It's about me, it's about you
Just like Feng Tang once said:
A large part of the matter, in the final analysis, is two things, what is about me and what is related to you.
Why do many young people who were old-hearted and bombarded when they were young end up becoming calm and calm or even a little "indifferent" middle-aged people?
Because, time will eventually make them understand that the best way for a person to live is only six words, that is-
Nothing to do with me.
02
There are too many voices in life that "everything has nothing to do with me" to live soberly
In life, we often hear comments from different people.
Alas, you're just too cautious;
Why are you so ignorant?
You're grumpy, aren't you?!
The reason why many people are unhappy is that they care too much about the reactions of the people around them.
An unintentional look from a colleague can make you feel depressed for a long time.
A friend's casual remark, I was silently entangled for a long time.
A casual action by a partner will trigger the fuse in an instant.
Such a result is only to wronged oneself in sensitivity and flattery.
But you have to understand that life is just a process of pleasing yourself, and what you really need to care about is not the eyes of the people around you, but your inner feelings. Remember the story of a father and son riding a donkey?
A father and son drive a donkey to the market.
At first, the father rode the donkey, and the son led the donkey.
However, some passers-by accused the father of being inconsiderate of the child, and he rode a donkey while letting the child walk.
So the father came down and put his son on the back of a donkey.
At this time, some people accused the son of being unfilial, and even rode a donkey to let his father walk.
Both father and son rode on donkeys, only to be accused of cruelty to animals.
They all had to come down and walk, but there were still people who accused them of not riding donkeys, which was so stupid.
In the end, the father and son were at a loss and had to carry the donkey away.
No matter what you do, there will always be someone who will point fingers at you.
In fact, many people in life are experiencing similar situations:
Treat every friend around me gently, and as a result, he is said to be a good person and has no principles.
to provide the best life for the child, but to be said to be old, forcing the child to do what he does not want to do;
conscientious and conscientious, he was promoted by the leader, and he was said to be scheming and used extraordinary means.
So, "everything has nothing to do with me" is extremely important at this time, which is a kind of sobriety and self-preservation.
A person who lives a sober life is a person who knows who he is and who can see himself correctly.
We know how to get along with the world, and we should know how to get along with ourselves.
Everyone is the protagonist of their own life. We don't need to show it to others, we just need to have fun ourselves.
03
It is not necessary and does not mix with the cause and effect of others
Schopenhauer said:
One of the most special weaknesses of human nature is to care about what others think of you, regardless of other people's mouths, guard your heart, and shift your focus to yourself, so that you can live the most shining life.
Is there such a group of people around you:
- I am very busy for my children, but in the end it is thankless, I always take on all the housework, and I have to take care of myself when I am tired and sick.
- Accompany friends when they are sad, take care of them when they are sick, and do not hesitate to act when they are short of money, but the result does not end up with a good sentence.
This is a typical savior role, who is extremely himself, but responds to others' needs, and can think of what others think and what others are anxious about before they even ask for help.
Not everyone in this world understands Entu and deserves your sincere delivery, and not everything can be responded to and needs your help.
Someone on Zhihu once asked, when will people become enlightened?
A cruel answer goes something like this, 1% by being reminded by others, and 99% by a thousand cuts from society.
People are always like this, only when they are completely lost, will they be sober, those detours he should take, the hardships he should endure, and the south wall that he should hit, none of them are indispensable.
No matter how much advice and help you have, it will only consume ineffective energy and consume your own energy:
When others are short of money, they should do less to mix with other people's feelings and disagree, and to evaluate less.
I agree with the saying that choosing what is good and doing is a virtue, and doing what is right is a kind of wisdom.
The best help we can do is to allow everything to happen and not to mix with other people's causes and effects unless necessary.
To allow the other person to suffer and make mistakes and imperfections, because these are also their rights, to use their own kindness to grow in place of others, and to deprive others of the right to benefit from pain.
04
How do you achieve a state where "everything has nothing to do with me"?
Do not get involved in unnecessary disputes
In adult life, it is inevitable to encounter all kinds of arguments and conflicts.
Many times, the cause of these disputes may be just trivial things.
Learning to be neutral and not getting involved in unnecessary disputes can avoid a lot of unnecessary troubles.
When others are arguing over trivial matters, we can choose to remain silent or change the subject, which can both protect ourselves from negative emotions and set an example for those around us to solve problems peacefully.
No comparison, no envy
The popularity of social media makes it easy to get caught up in a whirlpool of comparison and envy.
When we see the glamorous lives of others on social media, it is easy to have low self-esteem and dissatisfaction.
But to practice the "nothing to do with me" principle is to realize that everyone has their own life trajectory, and the successes or failures of others should not be the yardstick by which we measure our own worth.
Focusing on your own growth and progress, rather than comparing yourself to others, is the key to staying happy.
Don't be swayed by other people's evaluations
External evaluations and perceptions often have an impact on our emotions and sometimes even lead us to question our own values and choices.
However, to practice the "nothing to do with me" principle is to learn not to be swayed by the evaluation of others.
We should make decisions based on our own values and goals, rather than pander to the expectations of others.
When other people's evaluations don't match our hearts, we can listen selectively, but don't care too much.
Maintain an appropriate sense of distance
When interacting with others, you should not only be sincere, but also learn to protect yourself from being involved in other people's emotions or problems.
This gives others room to grow and solve problems, while also avoiding unnecessary difficulties for yourself.
Pay attention to your inner world
Happiness is an inner feeling that has nothing to do with external material conditions or the perception of others.
Paying attention to your inner world and understanding your needs and feelings through meditation, journaling, or counseling is an important way to stay happy.
When we know more about our hearts, we are better able to cope with external challenges and maintain inner peace and happiness.
summary
What's really great is that it's none of what I do.
There's a lyric that goes like this:
"You are happy and your happiness has nothing to do with me, I am sad with my sorrow, it has nothing to do with you. ”
"Everything has nothing to do with me" is not a kind of indifference, but a kind of sobriety and self-preservation.
A person who lives a sober life is someone who knows who he is and can see himself in perspective.
Life is like a play, everyone is the protagonist of their own life, they don't need to act for others, they just need to have fun.
Because, everyone has to go their own way and cultivate their own fruits.