Text: Marriage counselor Liu Jie
As the saying goes, "every family has a scripture that is difficult to read", and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is probably the most difficult scripture to read.
In real marriages, many couples do not handle the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law well, which makes the relationship between two people crack. There are even some women who want to divorce their husbands, either because of anything else, or because of the problem of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
But even if the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is difficult to handle, as long as we enter marriage, this is a subject that we need to face. Therefore, learning more about the truth about the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law will help us better handle the relationship.
Under normal circumstances, the three practices of the daughter-in-law are often the easiest to touch the sensitive nerves of the mother-in-law, make the mother-in-law unbearable, and eventually erupt into a conflict between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law, seriously hurting the relationship between the mother-in-law and the daughter-in-law.
01
Ignoring her mother-in-law's opinions and experiences
As the elder in the family, mothers-in-law usually have richer life experience.
However, some daughters-in-law often appear dismissive when faced with their mother-in-law's advice, and even refute it to their faces.
For example, when it comes to taking care of children, the mother-in-law may kindly give her daughter-in-law some advice based on her previous experience with children.
But the daughter-in-law not only does not appreciate it, but laughs at or refutes these suggestions, then the mother-in-law will feel hurt and disrespected. After all, their advice is also out of concern for children.
So this kind of practice is obviously not to take the mother-in-law seriously, and not to give the mother-in-law face, so that the mother-in-law can't get off the stage. The mother-in-law will naturally feel uncomfortable, burying hidden dangers in the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
As the saying goes: "If you don't listen to the old man, you will suffer in front of you." ”
Although times are changing, some of the experiences of the elderly are also worth learning from. The daughter-in-law should learn to respect the experience of her mother-in-law. Even if you don't do what your mother-in-law says, don't hurt your mother-in-law's face in person.
02
Overly dependent on her husband and neglecting her mother-in-law
In marriage, there is nothing wrong with the interdependence of husband and wife.
However, if a woman is overly dependent on her husband, or even uses him as a microphone or shield between herself and her mother-in-law, then her mother-in-law is likely to feel excluded and left out, causing unnecessary conflicts.
For example, some daughters-in-law may feel that they cannot communicate with their mother-in-law, so they communicate their thoughts to their mother-in-law through their husbands.
But this practice often makes the mother-in-law feel isolated. In this family, he lost his status and sense of existence, and became a dispensable character.
When a person has this feeling, he will come to compete with you, and the same is true for the mother-in-law, if you don't do it, he will come with you to grab the "husband".
Therefore, the daughter-in-law should take the initiative to communicate with her mother-in-law, rather than indirectly conveying her thoughts through her husband. This will not only enhance the understanding between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, but also make the family relationship more harmonious.
03
Show off your mother-in-law in front of your mother-in-law
Some daughters-in-law especially like to show off in front of their mother-in-law, always talking about how rich their mother-in-law is, how they have status, etc. But this practice will only make the mother-in-law feel uncomfortable and cause contradictions and conflicts between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
The daughter-in-law may feel that by showing off her mother's family more, she can improve her status in her mother-in-law's family and make her mother-in-law look up to her, but in fact it is often counterproductive.
If you show off a lot, it is easy for your mother-in-law to have a comparative mentality, and feel that if your son marries a "high-up" daughter-in-law, her heart will be unbalanced, and it is inevitable that she will have prejudices against you.
Otherwise, she will think that you are crushing his son, and she may find fault with you everywhere. Otherwise, she will deliberately make it difficult for you, since your mother-in-law is so powerful, she will push a lot of things to you and let you solve them.
In fact, not only in front of the mother-in-law, we should not deliberately show off no matter where we are. People who love to show off will not be welcomed wherever they go, but will only be hated.
This is especially true with your mother-in-law, the relationship between your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is not easy to get right, and it will only make it worse if you show off again.
Therefore, as daughters-in-law, we must pay attention to our words and deeds when getting along with our mother-in-law, and don't do things that make our mother-in-law unbearable or even disgusted.
As long as this can be done, even if the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law cannot be as close as mother and daughter, there will not be too much friction. At least keeping the relationship in a peaceful state is also very good for our marriage.