1
With a ding dong, a text message came from the mobile phone, and when I looked, it was the bank urging the mortgage again. My husband didn't transfer the mortgage on time, and I was upset.
When I got home, I was lying on the sofa playing with my mobile phone, and there was a takeaway box on the table that had not been thrown away, and there were fruit peels on the ground. The windows were not opened, and there was an indescribable smell in the house.
I just felt uncomfortable for a while, and quickly walked around the garbage and opened the window. Before I could speak, my husband said indifferently: "I don't have to cook my meal for dinner, I lose weight." ”
I stared at the takeaway box on the table, hehe, it was ridiculous to eat burgers and fried chicken while shouting to lose weight.
I tried to look away from the takeaway box, and said patiently, "The bank has urged the mortgage, you should transfer the mortgage as soon as possible." ”
My husband said impatiently: "Urge, urge, urge, what do you do every day except ask me for money? Aren't you at work? Where does your money go? Won't you pay the mortgage yourself?"
My anger came out of nowhere: "I paid for the Internet you connected to at home, I bought the water you drink, and I paid for the water and electricity bills." In addition to paying the mortgage, I have to pay for all the expenses of the family. Where did you say the money went?"
When my husband saw that I was angry, he didn't answer the topic, turned around, turned his back to me and continued to look at his phone.
I looked at his fat body and looked away, forget it, I can't be angry with someone like this.
2
I put down my backpack and asked him to clean up the trash himself and go to the kitchen to make dinner. I was just angry, I wasn't in a good mood, so I simply cooked a bowl of noodles and ate it.
After eating, I cleaned up the kitchen, put away the dry clothes, swept the floor and mopped the floor. When the house was finally cleaned up, my heart was comfortable.
I like to be clean and tidy, but my husband can make a mess of the house at any time, which is one of the reasons why we often quarrel.
Sweating from doing housework, I took a shower and lay down in bed to rest. My husband is still swiping his phone, and the noise is too loud, which makes me upset.
I couldn't resist knocking on the door of his room and telling him to keep his voice down.
I am 47 years old and my husband and I have been separated for 7 years. Nominally we are husband and wife, but in fact we have already lived separately. I thought about divorce, but for various reasons, as well as taking into account the feelings of the children, I have not separated, and I have been living like this.
I lay in bed with my eyes closed but couldn't sleep, and my mind kept recalling the events of all these years.
My husband and I were college classmates, and we were a couple from campus to wedding dresses. When I first got married, my family didn't agree because his family was too poor, and my family was afraid that I would suffer if I got married.
But I only saw that he was kind to me at that time, and I didn't think about anything else. So, despite the opposition of the family, I got married.
When we got married, my husband had no money and no house, so we rented a small house to live in.
My husband was working in another city at the time, and he only came back on weekends, and every time he came home, it was the happiest time for me, but the days were short-lived.
After I became pregnant, my mother-in-law came from the countryside to take care of me, and since then, there have been more conflicts in the family. The mother-in-law has a lot of eyes and is stingy.
3
The father-in-law lived to be 40 years old and left, and the mother-in-law recruited a door-to-door son-in-law half a year after the father-in-law left, on the grounds that the family could not live without a man. Mother-in-law often reminds her husband that she should not marry her daughter-in-law and forget her mother.
After the birth of the child, I had more conflicts with my mother-in-law. But bad things come one after the other.
First, my dad was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer and passed away not long after.
While I was sad about my father's death, I was exhausted because of my mother-in-law's unreasonable trouble, and I couldn't take care of the child well.
The child developed from a cold to pneumonia and had to be hospitalized, and my psychological defense suddenly collapsed.
From that time on, I gradually felt weak and bored with anything. Even if it's sunny outside, I don't want to go out, and I even feel that the sun is dazzling, so I always want to pull up the curtains at home and hide at home by myself.
The mother-in-law scolded Sang at home and often said all kinds of provocative words. The husband who used to care for me turned into a baby who had no ability to think and no ability to resist in front of his mother-in-law. He listened to his mother-in-law for everything, and even scolded me with her mother-in-law.
Later, my relationship with my husband and mother-in-law became worse and worse, and I even regretted why I didn't listen to my family and go on a blind date. If I had married someone else, I wouldn't have the pain I have now.
But there is no regret medicine in the world, and the bitter fruit you have planted can only be swallowed by yourself.
To this day, I still don't want to remember the events of those years, I only remember that my child was sick repeatedly, and I kept taking my child back and forth to the hospital.
One time when the doctor was talking to me, I was distracted, and the doctor kindly reminded me to go to the neurologist, and she suspected that I was suffering from depression.
But I was so busy with work and taking care of my children that I didn't even have the energy to see a doctor, so I kept procrastinating.
4
Later, my mother-in-law didn't want to stay in the city and insisted on going back to the countryside, but I didn't stop me. My mom couldn't stand it and came over to help with the children, so I had some time to relax.
In those years, my husband was a transparent existence, and when I was sad and hurt, he ignored it. He sneered when I needed help.
The relationship between us has long been unrecognizable. He went from a talented young man to a greasy man who only focused on job hopping and promotion. As soon as he opened his mouth, he said all kinds of mean words.
Fortunately, the child has grown up little by little, and I am healing myself little by little. Last year, my child was admitted to university, and I finally breathed a sigh of relief.
When these things played out in my head like a movie, I just felt like an outsider, looking at that stupid self and feeling sorry for myself.
In the past 20 years, I have been so embarrassed and so tired, and now that my children have gone to college, will I continue to live like this in the future?
When I woke up the next morning, I suddenly didn't want to stay home. Simply packed a few clothes and I went out the door.
I went to the high-speed rail station and bought a high-speed rail ticket for a neighboring city, which I had wanted to go to for a long time, but I never went there for various reasons.
After the train left, I sent my husband a WeChat message and told him that I was going out for a few days and not looking for me. I sent a message in my mother's group, saying that I was going out for a walk and told them not to worry.
Finally, I sent a message to my son explaining the situation. At the company, I had already applied for leave long before I left the house.
After doing this, I turned off my phone and stared at the scenery outside the window. The night I left home was the most restful night I've had in years.
5
I don't have to look at my husband's hypocritical and mean face, I don't have to worry about what to eat for breakfast, what to eat for lunch, I don't have to clean up the pile of garbage at home, and I don't have to sweep the peels and melon seed shells on the floor. Out of sight, out of mind.
I'm in a strange city, eating alone, shopping alone, going to attractions alone, and I don't have to be stuck at home and be troubled by housework that can never be done.
In a strange city, no one knows me, and I don't know anyone else. I don't have to explain to others why I'm here alone, I don't have to please others, I don't have to pretend to be happy, I don't have to pretend to be happy, I don't have to hide the discomfort after arguing with my husband.
After a day of playing, back at the hotel, I hesitated to open WeChat.
After doing some psychological construction, I still couldn't rest assured of my family, so I turned on my phone. Sure enough, there was a bunch of unread messages on WeChat.
There are more than 70 WeChat messages on my husband, in addition to voice, there are also texts, some swearing, and some words to excuse himself.
I didn't click on those voices, and I knew exactly what he was going to say. He thinks that he is not wrong, and that it is everyone else who is wrong. He was helpless, everything he did was forced. He's so much better than the other men, at least he didn't do anything to me.
I suddenly thought that during the Chinese New Year, my husband got angry over a trivial matter, picked up a stool and smashed it at me, and even hurt my son if he stood next to me.
In his opinion, he didn't actually hit me, he cared about me, and this was how good he was to me.
My family also sent me a WeChat message, to the effect that I should not be afraid. If you really can't get by, you will leave if you leave, no one in this world can do without anyone, you must pay attention to safety when you go out, etc.
Seeing this, my anxious heart finally landed. In the past, I was afraid that my family would worry, and I always reported good news but not bad news. But I'm not happy, they don't see it, they just don't say it.
6
My son also sent me a message, saying, "Mom, as long as you feel happy, you can do whatever you want, I support you." You don't have to think about other people's feelings, because there are not many people in this world who really care about your feelings. ”
My son's words hit my tears, and I couldn't help but burst into tears. If my son can understand me, then my hard work over the years has not been in vain.
My family gave me encouragement, and my son gave me courage. I turned off my phone, planning not to go home yet, and planning to go to another city.
I remember a 50-year-old eldest sister Su Min, who drove to travel all over the world, and I envied her very much. I hate that I can't be as chic as her, and I don't have the courage to say go, let alone leave.
Now, I'm also living this kind of life in my own way, maybe when I have enough courage, I can be as courageous as her, and I will leave.
As for what will happen in the future, I don't know. If you don't have a good day, what will you talk about in the future?