As the saying goes, there is no overnight feud between husband and wife, after all, the relationship is deep, what is it if you quarrel, and you will be together the next day.
But the reality is very skinny.
Many people will have the experience of quarreling before going to bed, and instead of getting along, they will not reconcile, but they are more likely to hold grudges.
What the other party said and did last night can be remembered firmly after a night of precipitation, and it is just right to accumulate materials for the next quarrel.
This obviously goes against the old saying, quarreling before going to bed is more grudgeful, what is the principle?
Night, a catalyst for emotions
In the old song, it is all the moon that is to blame, and this lyric actually reveals a truth: at night, people are often emotional.
Studies have shown that a person's mood fluctuates multiple times throughout the day, especially at night. In other words, people are more likely to think more at night. This is also the reason why many writers are used to writing at night.
A casual sentence of "If you want to think so, I can't help it". If it is placed in the daytime, the other party may laugh when they hear it, but at night, it may be dismantled with many different meanings. Moreover, most of the dismantled meanings are still negative, such as "Do you don't love me anymore", or "Do you want to break the can".
In fact, it's all caused by hormones in the human body. The human body has a circadian rhythm, that is, the biological clock, which will also regulate itself according to the different external environments.
During the day, the serotonin content is high, and the person's mood is relatively positive, but at night, in order to help sleep, the body will secrete melatonin, and the secretion level of serotonin will decrease, and the mood will turn relatively negative. Like many people with depression, the secretion of serotonin in the body is relatively low.
If there is a quarrel in the morning or afternoon, it is likely that both parties will talk about the matter and have the same goal to get the matter resolved. But at night, both sides instinctively think more, so this quarrel will be far from the point, and the matter of Chen Sesame and rotten grain can be pulled out and attacked each other.
It's not just a simple quarrel anymore.
Of course, there is also a bit of practical consideration. By the time the two of you are emotionally arguing, most of the people who can listen to you are already asleep or drowsy, and they can't help you solve your problems at all. I can only endure it by myself, and the more I hold it, the more uncomfortable it becomes.
Even if someone is a night owl, they will become emotional under the control of the circadian rhythm, and may not be able to rationally help you analyze the problem, but will contribute to the situation.
In short, the impact of a night quarrel on your mood is definitely much higher than that of other moments.
Sleep, let the powder keg level up
Some people will wonder, yesterday morning, your family asked you to do something important, although you agreed, but you will forget it. But why do you remember the quarrel after a sleep?
In fact, it is sleep that acts as a catalyst. Studies have shown that after a single night's sleep, short-term memory can be transformed into long-term memory.
This is similar to memorizing words before going to bed: inverted inhibition.
After arguing during the day, people often do other things, and the details of the quarrel and the mood at the time will be diluted, but after the quarrel at night and then go to bed, the memory that is not unforgettable will be strengthened, and it will continue to jump out after that.
In simple terms, later memories constantly interfere with previous memories. The closer you get to sleep, the clearer you will remember what happened.
Here's a special reminder: it's much easier to hold a grudge before going to bed than to remember anything else.
This is due to falling asleep with emotions, negative emotions can make the amygdala and striatum of the brain uncontrollably twisted, in short, make you more angry the more you sleep. This also means that if you encounter something happy, you may double the degree of memory when you sleep, and if you encounter something unhappy, the degree of memory will be doubled.
Here again leads to a cruel reality, as we said above, quarrels at night are often fruitless. You hope that the other party will coax you, otherwise you will not give up, but the other party thinks that you are quite unreasonable and wants to stop at the point. This further deepens people's "grudge" mentality.
According to a study in the Journal of Gerontology, those who had quarreled that day felt that the problem had been solved would not have a significant increase in negative emotions the next day, but those who thought that the problem had not been solved had twice as high negative emotions as that day.
Many people don't understand why the other party falls asleep after a quarrel, and it's fine the next day, only they sulk, and they can probably understand it after reading this study.
Quarreling before going to bed is very harmful
In addition to being prone to holding grudges, arguing before going to bed also has many harms on people's bodies.
Violent mood swings can cause a person's heart rate to increase and make breathing short, making it difficult to fall asleep for a short period of time.
A study by Ohio University found that couples who didn't get together before bed slept less than 6 hours and 48 minutes, and vice versa, slept more than 7 hours.
If you always quarrel before bedtime, the probability of developing arthritis, cardiovascular disease and even Alzheimer's disease will increase by 10% in the long run.
For the sake of physical and mental health, it is obviously important to regulate emotions.
Ways to avoid "bedtime fights".
Here are a few tips for reference:
1. In the hours before going to bed, try not to talk about sensitive or controversial topics.
For migrant workers, it is the greatest wish to sleep a little longer, not only to eliminate the fatigue of the day, but also to have the energy to start a new day's work.
A good night's sleep often requires a stable mood for a few hours before going to bed.
Otherwise, not only will the matters to be discussed not be resolved, but the rest and work of the two will also be affected.
2. If the problem cannot be discussed, the dispute will be put aside for the time being.
Many people discuss issues at night because they are too busy during the day to find time.
At this time, it is necessary to keep in mind that the mood swings are obvious at night, and the discussion of the problem is likely to be inconclusive for the time being, once there is a smell of gunpowder, it is necessary to stop it in time and put the topic alone, otherwise it will only intensify.
3. Always remember to talk about things and not rise to attack each other.
Quarrels are often caused by some fuse, such as an ambiguous sentence when discussing things.
In fact, for the two of them, discussing the results is the main goal, and winning or losing is not important.
If you realize that you have hurt the other person, you can choose to admit your mistake, which does not mean that you are wrong in the point of view of the problem, but only apologize for the words you just did not control.
Perhaps, when the other party sees your attitude, they will also reflect on it, so that the discussion of the matter can be resolved satisfactorily.
Of course, no matter how much you know, it may be difficult to apply it when facing practical problems.
Sometimes, it's impossible to fight without arguing.
If you have to quarrel, for the sake of the neighbor's sleep experience, but also for the physical and mental health of both parties, it is best to make an appointment with the other party now.
Avoid at night and also before bedtime.
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