I suddenly developed liver disease and was immediately discriminated against, just like the four categories of people I had back then. My friends rarely come to visit the house, and occasionally someone who doesn't know the news of my illness comes, and they come and shout for food and drink, and they sit and lie in a mess. I said, I have liver disease, and they were stunned, and then they said, "It's okay, can you infect me?" But he didn't eat the food, he didn't drink the tea, he smoked the bad cigarette in his pocket, and immediately patted his head and shouted: "Oh, look at my memory, I still have to go out of XX to do something." "
I saw them go downstairs through the window and rinse under the public faucet, over and over again. It seemed that those hands had become wolf claws, and they could not be chopped off. At the end, I got close to my nose and smelled it, can I smell the hepatitis virus? stupid thing.
There is an acquaintance who loves to entertain, and every other day and a half months he wants to invite someone with status, and every time he pulls me to accompany him, saying that it is "the humble house", this husband will ask me to go again, of course Mrs. is enthusiastic, but I can see the sorrow between her eyebrows, I also know her embarrassment, and said, give me one more plate and a pair of chopsticks. I use a pair of chopsticks to put the big pot of vegetables into my small plate, and another pair of chopsticks to clip the small dish into my mouth. When I had finished eating, I told the woman to steam and sterilize my dishes and chopsticks, and she said, "Where, where." "I'm just out the door. But I heard the sound of porcelain breaking, followed by the sound of the cat, and I understood that all the dishes and chopsticks I used were broken in the garbage basket, and the cat was greedy for my leftovers, and the cat was kicked for the safety of the cat. I couldn't stand the stimulation so much that I started not going out, not attending any meetings, not going to the cinema, not taking the bus.
Since then, I have lived a very quiet life, and my neighbors no longer have difficulty taking a lunch break because of my knock on the door, and when I meet the invisible person, I will be perfunctory with a fist a few meters away, and the leader will no longer let me write a review of the matter of not asking for leave again and again, and those long-tongued women and long-tongued men will not use their mouths to put their mouths on my ears. Whenever I encounter difficult people and difficult things, the phrase "I have hepatitis" is the best way to escape. The wife said, "Do you always preach about your illness so that the whole world knows that you are discriminating against you?" My reasoning is that if you don't embarrass others and don't embarrass yourself, the best way is to be self-inflicted. For example, if I am ugly, I never pretend to be ugly in front of women, and I say that five points of ugliness is ten points ugly, then there is another loveliness in ugliness, isn't this method used in a large number of cross talk arts? When I see people and I say that I have liver disease, they guard against my contact without hurting my peace, and I don't feel embarrassed to step down when I am guarded against contact, and everyone is happy. Moreover, others asked: How have you been mixed up all these years, why have you not published more works, why have you not been a XX chief, why have you not been able to go abroad, why are there no flowers and birds in the bird cage on the balcony, why do you only have a girl, why you can't dance, there is no lover, and not a single letter from a reader was written by a girl? "I have hepatitis!"
However, after all, people are social animals, and when I am alone, I can't help but feel infinitely lonely and lonely. Only my father and mother, wife and daughter were close to me, and they did not expel me. The closer they were to me, the more I was afraid of the virus infecting them, and I shared meals with them, and I had my washbasin, towels, dishes, and coffee tables, and each had a fixed storage place. I only sit in my chair, I open and close the door with my feet, and I aim at the lower outlet of the toilet to pee.
They couldn't bear me like this, and I said, "It's not an emotional problem." I was angry and demanded that my wife and daughter only make kisses to me, and burn two plates of mosquito coils every night, so that the mosquitoes that had bitten my blood could no longer bite my parents, but I was so sick with mosquito coils that I had a headache.
My heart was quietly weeping as I did this, and as they scalded my laundry with boiling hot water, and steamed or smoked my dishes in a pressure cooker, I seemed to feel that the hot, steamed was one of my souls. I've become a wreck, a terrible devil.
I hope that my illness will get better soon, but unfortunately I have taken several baskets of Chinese and Western medicines in the past few years, but to no avail. I laughed at my life's destiny to earn money by writing.
I don't eat meat on weekdays, I always like vegetarian dishes, but now I have been eating herbs for a few years, and I suspect that one day I will become a cow and a sheep. Maybe the previous life was changed by cattle and sheep.
I was finally admitted to an infectious disease hospital. In the hospital, we had to wear hospital gowns like prisoners, and we had to limit our movement to a very small courtyard, even though the walls of the hospital were iron fences that allowed us to see people outside. But when I saw the pedestrians walking outside dressed in colorful colors, I suddenly became miserable in another book.
We longed for freedom, and every day after the hanging needle, we watched the red sun in the yard, watched the surging clouds, and teased the birds in the trees outside the fence with our lips. But the bird flew away, and dropped one or two feathers, and we all went to grab it like a child at the New Year's Festival.
This behavior was watched by a child outside the fence, whose small eyes were full of the look of a caged animal in a zoo, and he boldly took a few steps closer. His mother, an obese woman, shouted, "Go away, that's a contagion!"
These words brought tears to my eyes, and I could only turn my back and gaze silently at a patch of roses in the courtyard and a group of black ants in the flower bed. Ah, the beautiful and kind rose is not afraid of contagion, it is still as red as blood, and the brave ant is not afraid of contagion, and is still performing a weight-bearing long-distance movement for us. We all had to wait until late to go back to sleep that night, and the moon, which was still bright, followed us into the fence, and it did not dislike it.
The last thing we like to see is the cobwebs on the corner of the fence, which are so big and shaped like a basket, which is rare in my life. We picked it up with a rod in the evening, and the next day it was intact again, like an electrified iron net, and like a radar monitoring our movements. We had no choice but to have a vicious thought, regretting why we were claiming that we were hepatitis patients, why we were going to be admitted to an infectious disease hospital.
People are discriminating against us, why don't we go to the crowd, eat a big meal, squeeze the bus, go to the theater, and even touch their hands and faces, yawn and spit on those who discriminate against us. Well, we are one of them, and they are the same people as we are!
The people in the hospital were all pale, with empty eyes and weak steps. I know what they look like when I look at them. We are taboo to use mirrors, but we are not averse to yellow.
Yellow is a symbol of the emperor in China, and it is also a popular color in the world, so we all seem to be affectionate, in the aisle, in the courtyard, who sees everyone has to nod, and the smile also blooms, as if we have fate, as if we knew each other decades ago, asking each other for names and units.
Doctors and nurses never call us by our first names, just by bed number. The only people in the world are prisons and hospitals. I was first "+235", and then the next patient number was discharged, and I officially became "235".
"235，235。 "It's buying rice, the spoon is not next to my bowl, and the hot soup is poured on my hands a few times;" 235, 235. "It's the nurses who are sending the thermometer, and they check the temperature and go to the place where we see to wash their hands. At first, I was extremely unaccustomed to this kind of calling, but then I figured it out, isn't "Jia Pingwa" also a code name? Although 235 is not the name my parents gave me, isn't it now called "Secretary Zhang", "Director Li", and "Chairman Liu" all over the society?
In the corner of the west building of the hospital, that is, next to the toilet, there is an ancient locust tree, and an owl is often seen lying on the branch of the ancient locust during the day. Every night, it barks, and when it screams, we all panic, and we must carry one out the next day.
It's not superstition, it must be that the owl is chirping at the smell of the dead. Everyone walked out and watched silently as a body wrapped in sheets came out of the morgue. He was forever at peace, free from troubles and pains. His towel and toothbrush were taken out and placed on the windowsill, and his mother or his wife was rolling on the floor crying.
At this time, there are many flies buzzing, which one of them is changed by his soul? We silently pray for his soul to be well, but we do not want any flies to fall on us.
From then on, we were all afraid of the owl, but none of us dared to curse it, let alone hit it, not even the thought of it.
When I went to the toilet several times a day and passed under the ancient acacia, I unconsciously looked at the branches, it was a panicked look, but also a look of hope, we silently prayed to it in our hearts, hoping that it could forgive itself, I now understood that everyone hated the king of Hades, but also built a temple statue for him and called him the reason for the lord of Hades.
And the owl should also be called a lord, and it should also have a temple and a statue. People are afraid of something, and they can't help it, so people think of the law to please and worship, and this is the generation of gods in the world. The owl is a god.
In this prison-like land, we patients do not discriminate against each other, and the difference between him and the prison is here, the prisoner has to supervise each other and make small reports to each other to get his sentence commuted, because he has "committed" someone before, and he has been imprisoned as a prisoner and released from prison with a prisoner's sentence commuted.
When we are sick, we are not trying to commit crimes, half of us are admitted to the hospital for ourselves, and half of them are also for not offending others, so we care for each other and are considerate.
Every time he was discharged from the hospital, we rejoiced in his recovery and rejoiced that we were cured. Every time one is admitted to the hospital, most of us are sad that he has contracted the disease. Although our welcoming ceremony was not a handshake and a hug, it reminded him how to buy a meal ticket, how to take medicine, and how not to be pessimistic. The relationship between patients and alumni is as precious as that of our fellow students, and we can still form a network of relationships in society after we are discharged from the hospital.
This network is a long-lasting friendship established on the dividing line between life and death under discrimination, and it is much purer and nobler than those official websites, love networks, and messy networks that use each other.
We have lost the so-called human meaning of society, but we have gained the true feelings of a new human being, we have gained precious compassion and miserliness, we have understood tolerance and consideration, we have loved all animals and plants, and we have experienced the warmth of the sun and the freshness of the air.
To be honest, the portfolio here only has our medical history and not political history, so there is no suspicion, no schadenfreude, no intrigue, no snobbery and betrayal. Our common enemy is only the hepatitis B virus. There is no selfish desire between men and women, and there is no generation gap between the old and the young. Don't drink or gamble, work and rest on time, abide by discipline, single bed, don't prostitute people, both the noble and the lowly take the same medicine, and no one is as addicted to medicine as the official.
The doctors are our bodhisattvas, and the laughter we give them is truly from the bottom of our hearts, without hypocrisy. The owl is our God, and we worship it in fear and without the slightest perfunctory. We watered and weed the rose in the flower bed, counted how many petals there were, and recorded how many fallen flowers were buried by us. The ants in the cave and the geckos under the eaves, although we are people with bad livers, our hearts are unusually good.
It is said that in China, one or two out of 10 people suffer from hepatitis B, and almost all of us are found to be sick during a physical examination by chance.
Therefore, when I stand in the iron fence and look out at the people who discriminate against us, I always think: don't be full of anger and think that you are clean, perhaps, you are not a patient with hepatitis B, we are a healthy person with hepatitis B!
There are so many Chinese, if you check them one by one, how big the world is here, then, you can come here to stay, and the interpersonal relationship is probably much better than outside the iron fence. We are sick, but all are sick, my owl God!