The current situation of the first batch of Dink couples was exposed, did they all regret it?
A while ago, the Weibo topic #44-year-old female executive was asked by her husband to divorce without having children# rushed to the hot search, triggering heated discussions among netizens.
The couple were both very ambitious when they were young, and they agreed with each other to dink.
In the years that followed, the two of them lived freely.
However, suddenly one day, the husband changed his mind and proposed to his wife that "give birth or divorce".
The husband said that his friends all have children and look very warm, and he wants to experience this feeling......
The husband's change of mind puts the wife in a dilemma and suffers.
For this reason, she endured all the hardships, but even so, she failed to usher in a miracle, not only the quality of the eggs was not up to standard, but also uterine fibroids were found, and she had to wait for a year after the operation to get pregnant.
Netizens in the comment area quarreled over this.
Some people reminded "female dinks should be cautious", some people said that "when deciding on dink, they should sign an agreement and make the person who repents pay the price", and some people said "leave if you leave, you have money and a job, what are you afraid of"......
In recent years, more and more young people have chosen Dink.
When there is a conflict between "procreation" and "personal development", more and more people choose the latter.
In particular, the increase in the cost of childbirth and the pressure of raising offspring are like an invisible hand.
A while ago, Yuwa Population Research, a population and fertility research think tank, released the 2024 edition of the China Fertility Cost Report.
According to the report, the average cost of raising children aged 0~17 is 538,000 yuan; The average cost of raising children from the age of 0 to the age of college is about 680,000 yuan.
At present, there are more than 600,000 "Dink" families on the mainland.
From the 80s of the 20th century to the present, the Dink group has gradually derived a variety of sub-labels:
"Tieding" (from now until the destruction of the universe, resolutely not to live);
"White Ding" (Dink repented a few years later for various reasons, "had a Dink dream in vain");
"Dink" (inability to have children for physiological reasons);
"Ding pet" (keeping pets instead of raising children);
"Pseudo-Dink" (young and unmarried, playful, not yet capable of making decisions).
Now, decades later, are the families who chose Dink doing well?
In Shanghai, where land is at a premium, if you have a three-bedroom apartment of 135 square meters, how do you plan to live there?
Many couples may rack their brains about the design in order to separate an extra room for the elderly to stay overnight.
However, a maverick Shanghai couple gave their plan:
The walls were moved inward, doubling the size of the balcony that could have been incorporated into the living room, without sealing the windows, without drying racks, only a small sofa for two people, two small coffee tables, and the rest of the space was used for flowers.
The three-bedroom apartment was opened up only so that the wife could see her husband working at the dining table while resting on the sofa; While preparing coffee in the kitchen, the husband can chat with friends as soon as he turns around.
Why can they be so willful, thinking only about themselves and not about other family members?
The hostess gave the answer: "We are Dink, so we don't have to leave room for the children." ”
This "post-70s" couple should be the earliest batch of Dinks in China. They have been married for 17 years and have proved their persistence to everyone.
When her husband was asked, "Did you choose Dink on the spur of the moment?"
He replied earnestly: "This is our deliberate and independent choice. ”
As a staunch Dinkist, freelancer Chen Hanbin has never regretted it.
After traveling around the world for 4 years, Chen Hanbin, who returned to China, was surprised to find that his friends around him had chosen to get married and have children.
Maybe this is the only way for many people to live, but Chen Hanbin is afraid of it-
"If I choose marriage and childbearing, it means that I will be forced to give up many things that I once loved and loved, which is unacceptable to me. ”
For this reason, he firmly chose Dink, and resolutely did the ligation.
There is a Dink couple who have been together for more than 20 years on Xiaohongshu, and the homepage is all about the quiet years of the two people.
The blogger said frankly in the video:
Dink is not so good, it is unknown how the mentality changes when he is old, and it is not as difficult as he imagined, as long as he lives seriously, he is worthy of himself and his parents.
Dink itself is a kind of life attitude, such as people drinking water, cold and warm self-knowledge.
The confidence to choose Dink comes from the confidence in the current state of life.
But not all Dink couples can have this confidence.
I swiped a very suffocating video before.
A "post-90s" Dink couple, two people living under the same roof, get along like strangers.
In the morning, one person eats breakfast, one person exercises in another room, and in the evening, one person reads a book, and one person prepares for bed.
When the wife opens her mouth, the husband's face is full of impatience, inviting friends to the house for dinner, during which everyone drinks and talks, but after the friend leaves, the house falls into dead silence......
These scenes that were too depressing once made netizens question that the couple was posing for a photo.
But his wife said that although it looks outrageous, this is the real life state of the two.
In the past, they talked about everything, and the original intention of not having children was also to have more time for fitness and reading, and for each other to have better development.
But gradually, my wife's thoughts changed, and from time to time she would say, "It's good to have a child......
The husband couldn't accept this at all, and said angrily to his wife: "If you mention having a child again, go through the formalities for divorce immediately!"
In this way, in the cold war day after day, the relationship between the husband and wife is gradually drifting apart and is no longer what it used to be.
Liu Yong, a physician at Beijing Obstetrics and Gynecology Hospital, once shared a true story on the Internet.
At one visit, he received a 42-year-old pregnant woman who had her first child. When asked why she was pregnant at such an age, the pregnant woman sighed and explained the reason.
Originally, the couple had always been Dink, but one day, the nephew who came to the house as a guest exclaimed: "Auntie, your house is really big! In the future, when you and your uncle die, will this house be mine?"
The speaker has no intention, but the listener has the intention.
A chill suddenly felt in her heart: "How can a child at such a young age say such a thing?"
In an instant, she figured it out, after all, they didn't have children, and her nephew's parents must have discussed these things in private.
After consulting with their husbands, they decided to have a child of their own.
I once read a passage:
Those who have no children and no daughters suddenly find many vultures around you, staring at you with red eyes, waiting for you to die, looking for your weakness, taking the opportunity to peel off a piece of flesh.
These vultures may be relatives, nannies, caregivers, or even strangers. At that time, the world will show its cruelest side.
Most of the time, Dink, it's human nature that is tested.
Some time ago, a blogger's video of interviewing 54-year-old Uncle Dink became popular all over the Internet.
The blogger's uncle and aunt are the first batch of Dink families in China.
When the couple was young, they unanimously decided: no children, Dink to the end.
The blogger, who wanted to know what they really thought, tortured his uncle and aunt respectively: "Do you regret choosing Dink?"
She originally thought that her aunt, who had never been a mother in her life, would answer that she regretted it, but unexpectedly, her aunt said: "I don't regret it, this is the right choice." ”
On the contrary, it was the uncle on the side, whose attitude was very intriguing. He didn't respond positively, but took a sip of water from the water glass, and then said slowly: "Time flies so fast, it's old in a flash." ”
When asked "what will I do in the future", my aunt bluntly said that I would go to a nursing home, and my uncle said half-jokingly: "Isn't there still your niece?"
Finally, the blogger asked his uncle to give some advice to the young man who was preparing the dink.
Dink's lifelong uncle said to the camera earnestly: "Get married when you reach the age when you should get married, and you have to have children!"
Hearing this, the grandma and grandpa on the side couldn't sit still, and the grandpa said excitedly: "How many people persuaded you to have a child, but you just didn't listen, you didn't regret it, and even the opportunity for me to hold my grandson was delayed." ”
Quan Xihe, the UP master who graduated from Peking University, once said that before she got married, she expressed her attitude to her husband: accept Dink before getting married.
The husband who promised at the beginning regretted it after 4 years of marriage.
In order to save her marriage and husband, Quan Hee Hee decided to have a child.
By the age of 40, she said, if her husband still wants to have children, but by then she is no longer able to have children, the situation will be complicated.
She implicitly expresses that, in fact, the situation is far from subtle and may be a test of human nature.
Everything can start over, but age can't start all over again.
This may be the biggest price that the Dink couple face after repenting.
There is no answer to this question.
However, if you choose Dink, you will face more unknowns.
You have to deal with the complexities of human nature and the risks you face.
Because in essence, Dink is a big gamble on the future, betting on whether he can stick to his original intention, betting on whether his lovers trust each other, and more on complex and changeable human nature.
However, whether it is a house full of children and grandchildren, or whether it is left alone, people must eventually learn to plan and pave the way for themselves.
It may not necessarily be whether we have children or how many children we have, but whether we are healthy and financially independent.
As Zhou Guoping wrote in "Everyone is a Universe":
As we live in the world, we inevitably have to bear all kinds of responsibilities, from family and office to the country and society.
However, let's not forget that there is a fundamental responsibility to take responsibility for our own lives.
Marriage and childbirth, in the final analysis, are "private matters" that individuals freely choose.
In this world, there is no choice that can be "the best of both worlds".
It's important that no matter what decision you make, you don't let down this once-in-a-lifetime life.
Would you choose "Dink"? Or do you have "Dink" around you?