Everyone will have a different answer about how to choose a partner.
In the past, the living conditions were more difficult, and most people were not strict with their partners, as long as the other person was honest and reliable, and they could live together in a stable way.
However, with the improvement of living standards, modern young people have undergone significant changes in the criteria for choosing a mate, and the requirements for partners have gradually increased.
In addition to the basic conditions such as appearance and height, the matching of financial ability and values has also become important.
In particular, the post-95 generation is a unique group, who grew up in the environment of the rapid development of the Internet and high technology, and have been exposed to various electronic products since childhood, are open-minded, and are willing to absorb and learn from international multiculturalism and concepts.
As a result, they are known as a generation with great individuality, with a strong sense of individualism and the pursuit of living life the way they like.
When it comes to marriage and childbearing, the post-95 generation shows a significantly different attitude from the previous generation, and most of them choose not to marry or have children, becoming the backbone of the so-called "Dink".
The reason why this group generally chooses not to marry and have children is mainly due to the profound influence of their parents. In fact, the impact started with their parents and can be traced back 20 years.
Many children can't understand why parents who usually seem to be loving can curse each other or even do something in a fight.
This display of family disharmony creates fear in the children about their future married life.
Satya, a well-known "family therapist" in the United States, believes that
If a person's relationship with their family of origin is complicated, the relationship can affect their entire life.
All children want their families to be harmonious and happy, and their parents to love each other sincerely.
Many children remain naïve, believing that the love between parents is only temporarily out of control due to occasional conflicts.
However, the harsh reality is that the main reason why parents did not divorce quickly was because they were worried that their children would not be able to bear the change at such a young age.
They also worry that without the company of either parent, the child may develop serious character defects or be criticized by others in life.
Therefore, after the college entrance examination every year, the divorce rate in many regions will increase slightly, and many couples who are not in a harmonious relationship choose to end their marriage at this time and start their lives again.
Psychologist Bandura argues that children learn social behaviors through observation, whether they are meaningful or not. Children who experience divorce in childhood may face difficulties in dealing with intimate relationships when they grow up, often at a loss as to how to resolve conflicts between men and women.
As adults, they will begin to realize:
People who are mentally healthy usually come from a harmonious family environment, while those with many oddities or obvious flaws tend to experience unhappy childhoods.
This observation provoked deep reflection on their minds. They become more cautious when faced with such important life issues as marriage and parenting.
Choosing a partner and deciding whether to have children or not, they take into account more factors in case there are situations in the future that are not conducive to family harmony.
This trend also reflects the way people think in the new era.
People are reluctant to compromise for the sake of apparent family harmony, and marriage is no longer seen as a necessity in life.
From the perspective of the individual's life, it is undoubtedly positive to emphasize the independence of the individual and the pursuit of personal happiness.
However, we are not isolated individuals, and there are moments when we need to consider the feelings of our children.
For children, they are not yet able to fully understand the deep meaning of living alone, and they believe that their lives can only feel complete and happy if their parents live together in harmony.
In a child's early years, parents are their only dependence. The absence of either the father or the mother can cause profound damage and blows to the child's psyche.
These children also longed for love and the beauty of marriage, but unfortunately, they often saw their parents' marriages break up, shattering their beautiful illusions.
Over time, these children grow tired of the constant quarrels between their parents and begin to have an evasive attitude towards marriage. As the child grows older,
They are also constantly shaping their worldview and outlook on life, and they will consider whether they need marriage according to their family background.
Mr. Wang, for example, is in his 60s this year, and his neighbors' grandchildren are several years old, which makes him very anxious. He dreams of holding his grandson, but his children's marriage problems have not yet been resolved.
In fact, Mr. Wang has a son and a daughter, both of whom have reached marriageable age, but have not planned to get married for a long time.
Specifically, Mr. Wang's son is 29 years old, still single, with a monthly income of 8,000 yuan, no house or car, renting a house, and his income is just enough to maintain his personal life.
The 27-year-old daughter has experienced two long periods of love, but neither of them has reached the palace of marriage, and now she has become an "unmarried", believing that living with a man is "meaningless", and does not want to fall into the chaos of married life.
No matter how much Mr. Wang tried to persuade him, his sons and daughters were very firm in their position.
The son explained that due to the limited family conditions, he could not afford to buy a house, and it was difficult to bear the responsibilities of the family and raising children after marriage, and he felt that this would make the children suffer and his life would be more difficult.
He believes that as long as he can take care of Mr. Zhang's old age, his responsibility has been completed. Mr. Wang knew that he had no savings and could not help his son with his marriage, so he could only reluctantly accept the reality.
The daughter said that she did not want to be troubled by the relationship between her mother-in-law and daughter-in-law and family trivialities, and believed that her happiness was the most important.
She also mentioned that in order not to make Mr. Wang feel lonely, she is willing to take care of him in his old age, and if she really feels lonely, she considers adopting a child.
Mr. Wang was both worried and confused, and did not understand what kind of thinking young people are like today.
In fact, according to the data of the White Paper dated August 13, 2021,
The proportion of people who choose not to marry is about 25% of the total single population, that is, 1 in 4 single people choose not to marry. In the proportion of unmarried, 29% of women and 22% of men, in first- and second-tier cities, the proportion of unmarried people is as high as 55%, and nearly 30% of those over 30 years old are unmarried.
Despite this, people's minds are always changing, and choosing not to marry or have children also means facing the strange eyes of others for a long time, and not everyone can persevere.
Over time, many young people will meet their beloved partner one day in the future, and it is natural that they will have the urge to marry and fall in love.
Russell, a well-known British philosopher, had this view:
Everyone is born lonely, and human nature is to be afraid of the outside world, because they are afraid of the strangeness and cruelty of the outside world, so they will build a barrier of "isolation from the world" in their hearts to protect themselves.
In order to dispel this loneliness, love and marriage came into being.
Therefore, the true meaning of marriage lies in dissolving loneliness – dissolving the loneliness of being unaccompanied, the loneliness of being questioned by the outside world, and the loneliness of being childless when aging.
Despite this, some post-95s have chosen an unusual path, and most of these young people hold similar views or have had similar experiences.
From an early age, they witnessed their parents busy in their marriages, and at the same time, they were also affected by their parents' parenting methods, becoming unconscious victims.
These young people are very acutely aware that they have more serious character flaws, which are inextricably linked to their families of origin.
Still others have adopted a self-respecting attitude and do not want their children to experience the same failed education.
They are not sure that they will be able to educate their children properly, and would rather not bring such an innocent life in the world than let their children experience a painful childhood like theirs.
The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords in this article: unmarriage, psychology
The picture comes from the Internet, please contact for infringement
WeChat public account: First Psychology