Wen \ Jiang Zuo Mei Niang
In this world, the subtleties of love and humanity are often obscured by sweeping words, and the truth is often hidden in the unspoken.
Today, we will interpret the three sentences in men's hearts that have not been directly expressed, but are extremely important, and women can understand that they can better manage their marriage.
No man will tell you that he doesn't really need you to be nice to him, that's what he needs.
01. Women don't need to be too virtuous
In feudal dogma, women are often given the role of good wives and mothers, and the discipline of the feudal era is to teach us to be proud of virtue.
Search for a question on Zhihu, what does marriage bring to a woman? You will get countless bowls of poisonous chicken soup poured into women.
For example, you have to be beautiful like a flower, virtuous and kind, you have to be filial to your in-laws, and you have to learn to pretend to be stupid about some of your husband's behaviors.
On the contrary, when searching for what marriage can bring to a man, you will get this result:
A home to belong, a free nice babysitter, one or more children.
Comparing the two, you should see whether a marriage is more beneficial to the man or the woman, if we have made the man more favorable, and we are still too virtuous, the balance of the marriage should be unbalanced.
If you ask a man, he will say, of course I want a good wife and mother, but maybe at first they will really be happy because of the woman's dedication and dedication, but if you keep doing this, he will look down on you.
If you think about it, isn't Lin Pinru in "The Temptation of Going Home" always so virtuous? Hong Shixian also married her because of this and abandoned Ellie, but when he married Lin Pinru home, did he treat her well? No.
In "Do You Know", Mrs. Sheng once said to Sheng Minglan:
"This thing of virtue is just a Bodhisattva made of yellow clay, the tablet of Confucius, and the mouth is worshipping, if you really do it, you will regret it for a lifetime. You remember, your man is at least your support for half of your life, you just don't like him, you have to hold him, don't let the woman next to you get a gap. Don't put on any tall and stinky shelves, even if the man doesn't have that mind, you have to have the ability to watch it. ”
Yes, instead of being virtuous, it is better to hold on to him, this is the right way.
02. Women don't be too loyal
How?
Of course, this disloyalty is not our understanding in the general sense, this is not really a heart, but to let women not revolve around men all day long, to have their own backbone, have their own career, hobbies, circles, and so on.
What a man really desires in his heart is actually a partner who has his own pursuits and lives, not a nanny who puts him at the center of life, takes care of him meticulously, and loses his own boundaries. Therefore, women should seek their own value and growth, rather than fully devoting themselves to serving each other's world.
Zhou Lijing said:
"Women are self-righteous and considerate, suppressing their own feelings and needs, and centering everything on men, while men are naturally focused only on things related to their goals and ignore women's inner feelings and needs. As a result, there is no communication at all times. In the eyes of men, everything in front of them is taken for granted, but in the eyes of women, they have been wronged. ”
Yes, when a woman has been getting along with a man in a wronged manner, the man will not like to be with her.
Because your excessive payment will make this love heavy as a mountain, suffocating, a man doesn't care about your mood a little, you will explode like thunder, he will never get easy and happy with you, he will not want to be with you whenever he has time.
Jiang Yunsheng once said:
"Don't put your heart on love, don't put your heart on men, put more heart on your career. ”
In "The Reader", Zhang Aijia talked about her emotional experience and said:
"Women have to learn to look at the problem this way, each of us comes alone, walks alone, people have to face the world by themselves after all, don't pin everything on another person, feel that there is happiness with this person, tragedy without this person, not like this. Your fate with another person is certain, you have gone through a certain road together, and when the fate time comes, the two people will embark on a forked road, going farther and farther, so in the end, you have to go your own way well. ”
That's right, the writer's evening love also said:
"A woman's efforts are definitely not only for the love of her husband and the attention of her in-laws. In this way, the effort is too narrow, the affirmation of society, the recognition of others, the pride of parents, and the worship of children are all the meaning of a woman's efforts. ”
Yes, as long as a woman's mind is a little more diverse, don't be too loyal to this man, and spend every day learning this and that, you will find that life is really different.
I appreciate a famous quote from Writer Twelve.
Twelve Says:
"Many years ago, when I was doing an event in Shenzhen, a reader asked me, what is the secret of running a marriage? ”
Yes, a woman with such a mentality, men will really scramble to revolve around her!
03. Women must be strong, and men are also strong.
Baby Anne Says:
"Girls, you shouldn't fantasize out of thin air that there are men who love you for no reason for a lifetime. These are all bubbles. Half of a woman should live like a man, like them, not to regard love as the only source of life, and to do more important things. ”
Yes, women must have their own abilities and strong capital, even if a man is attracted by your weakness at the beginning, and you drag him down for a long time, he will be disgusted.
What's more, if a woman is too weak, a man will bully you.
The writer said in the evening:
“每个女人都希望自己的男人 ͏ ，能一辈子恍如初见那刻对待自己。 每个女人都希望无论自己变成什么样，男人都能不不离弃。 但请是相信，这是违背基本人性的，你越变越好，他才有能可不离不弃。 但你越变越差试试？”
Yes, due to the influence of men's instincts and social structures, men tend to have a stronger sense of adventure and luck, and they dare to commit in love games, but often lack long-term commitment.
This is not to say that men are inherently unreliable, but it illustrates an important reality – in relationships, women need to establish rules and boundaries for men.
This is not through hints or euphemistic reminders, but requires a clear and firm statement of one's position and bottom line. This gesture is not control, but to establish a basis of mutual respect and understanding that makes the relationship healthier and longer-lasting.
In "The Awakening of Women", it says:
"The more we respect our voices and show our strength, the more we will be called "." Our culture doesn't like women who are powerful and speak for themselves. Calling us "shrews", "", "tigresses" is a way for culture to control powerful women. ”
But in today's era, we women really don't need to care too much about these labels, if you are a strong person, then you can be a strong person with peace of mind, and you don't have to pretend to be weak, because if you are very weak, you don't dare to talk to him about boundary issues, and we women must not be messed with, in order to set rules for men, and to ensure that after the establishment, he does not dare to violate.
Yes, in the end, women still have to be strong, and when you have a healthy body, a good income, hobbies that nourish you, and a small universe that is so powerful that you are powerful, you will make men look at you with admiration.
Of course, having these is not to become a woman who is completely dependent on himself, but to build a foundation of equality with men.
As Feng Tang said in "Fearless":
"Only when you dress warmly can you be really warm, and only when you are really warm can you be qualified to warm each other." ”
The image of men that society has long portrayed is indestructible, but in reality, men are just as vulnerable and uneasy as women. They may feel lost and helpless when their careers are not going well and their social status is low, but they often choose to hide these emotions due to society's expectations of men.
Therefore, women are strong not only for self-growth and protection, but also because true strength can attract and inspire those around her, including men.
A woman who is strong and independent at heart can be a solid backing for men in the pursuit of self-worth and achievement.
04. Mei Niang said
In "Love in the Time of Cholera", there is a sobering sentence:
"The weak will never be able to enter the kingdom of love, because it is a harsh, miserly kingdom. ”
Yes, the nature of love in the adult world is very complex. It is not only sweet and romantic, but also a process of self-growth and mutual game.
Love is not easy and requires the joint efforts of two people, especially when facing the pressures and challenges of life. It is difficult for a person to find true happiness and fulfillment in such a relationship if they do not have enough inner strength.
In the adult world, love requires us not only to be sensual participants, but also to be builders of reason. This kind of construction is not simply a provision on the material level, but a co-construction of emotions, spirits and even values.
As a result, it is easier for strong individuals to build healthy and stable relationships. They don't compromise because they're afraid of being alone, and they don't lower their standards because they're lonely.
Instead, they will choose partners who can motivate each other and grow together, with a mature and confident attitude.
The strong can enter the kingdom of love and prosper in it.
They know how to improve their core competencies to keep themselves in sync with each other, they know how to set boundaries and protect themselves from harm, and they also know how to give and receive love in relationships.
Their love is built on mutual respect, understanding and support, and this love is strong and able to withstand time and difficulties.
In conclusion, love is not a simple safe haven, but a battlefield that requires courage, wisdom and strength.
Only those who are strong in heart, emotionally rich, and able to self-reflect can truly enjoy the profound and lasting happiness that love brings.
Therefore, we women should strive to become a less virtuous and a little more attentive self, and become the truly strong self, so that we can really walk into a better future with men.