Author: Xiao Tian, the main creative group
At the critical moment when there were two months left to take the college entrance examination, he persuaded his children to give up.
Recently, the sharing of a netizen on Weibo touched thousands of parents.
This netizen's son is in his third year of high school, and since two months ago, his state has fluctuated, and he often says that the learning atmosphere in the classroom is too volatile and depressing, which makes him dizzy and headache. In order to relax and relieve, he had to take time off once or twice a week for evening self-study.
Recently, my son's condition has become more serious, he always shouts tired when he comes home, his mood is also very irritable, sometimes he will drop things, scratch on paper with a pen, and even keep chopping vegetables with a kitchen knife, and will say extreme things.
The son's tiredness, flusterity and irritability were seen by netizens and her husband. Despite the anxiety, they did not put any pressure on their son to study.
Every time, when the boy wanted to take a leave of absence to go home, they would ask the head teacher for leave and take him home to play ball and go for a walk. Later, they calmly persuaded him that if he felt too much pressure, he might as well give up this year's college entrance examination, take a year off, and take the college entrance examination again when he was in a better mood.
They made it clear to their son that regardless of whether they took the college entrance examination this year or not, their parents supported his decision. At the same time, they also handed over their mobile phones to their children, and when they went home, they didn't talk about studying, they just ate, chatted, rested and relaxed.
In the opinion of this netizen, the most important thing for children at the moment is to adjust their mentality. If the mentality collapses, nothing can be done. If the spirit collapses, there is no point in taking the junior college, double non-undergraduate examination, and key university entrance examination.
Fortunately, with the tolerance and acceptance of his parents, the boy gradually recovered and began to take the initiative to learn. Everything is looking up.
The practices of netizens in the story have been praised by countless netizens. Among them, there is such a highly praised message that is impressive:
"Parents are not persuading their children to give up the college entrance examination, but telling them in a way that Mom and Dad love you more than your grades. ”
It is said that the psychological state of this generation of children is not good, and they are always depressed and jump off the building at every turn.
But a lot of times, it's because adults turn a blind eye when they go through the pain and stress of growing up.
In fact, the child gave us a lot of distress signals before he had a problem. If parents see and grasp these signals, the child will be saved.
The top student who took the first place in the overall exam finally suspended his studies
Not long ago, I had a small gathering with a friend who is a psychological counselor and heard her talk about such a case.
She treated a girl in her second year of junior high school. This child has been a top student since he was a child, and he was a good student every semester in elementary school, and he was sent to the best local junior high school, and he was ranked in the top 30 in the first grade of junior high school.
But after entering the second year of junior high school, the girl's learning state is getting more and more sluggish, and she no longer writes her homework as actively as she used to, but grinds and grinds, and sometimes even writes until midnight. The teachers also reported that she had difficulty concentrating in class.
In terms of personality, girls have also changed a lot. From being lively and laughing, he became taciturn, and his mood became more and more depressed.
The girl's parents were unimpressed by these anomalies. In their opinion, this is just because their daughter has become distracted when she enters puberty. Therefore, they grasped their studies more tightly, and did not hesitate to hire tutors, bent on letting their daughters improve their grades.
It wasn't until later, when the girl was seriously tired of school and had self-harming behavior, that the anxious parents took the child to a friend. She was diagnosed with moderate depression.
It is understood that from childhood to adulthood, parents always emphasize to girls that grades are the most important, and only if they do well in the exam can they be rewarded and praised. Therefore, she has been studying hard.
In elementary school and the first year of junior high school, this effort really rewarded her with beautiful scores. But in the second year of junior high school, the difficulty of her coursework increased sharply, and she found that she couldn't keep up.
After the start of the school year, the girls did not do well in several exams. In this regard, instead of comforting, her parents criticized her and further asked her to brush up on the questions and endorse them.
And this also became a catalyst for her to fall into the quagmire of depression.
Looking at the young and confident daughter in the past, but now she is full of vitality, and her parents regret not being at the beginning.
In the end, they had to take a leave of absence for their children.
This case made my friends extremely sorry and still haunted me.
She said: "After this girl has an abnormality, if her parents can pay more attention to her psychological state, the end will not end like this." ”
However, in real life, there are not a few parents who only have learning in their eyes.
Xu Haijun, an emergency physician at the First Affiliated Hospital of Tsinghua University, once treated a 16-year-old high school student.
The child had depression and was taken to the hospital for gastric lavage after taking a large amount of medication.
After washing her stomach, her mother didn't care about the child's health, but the first thing she said was to ask—can you go to school tomorrow?"
reminds me of the words of education expert Wang Renping:
"Most parents, as long as their children don't jump off buildings or cut their wrists, they will think that their children are okay and they can definitely persevere. It is not the college entrance examination that really brings pressure and fear to children, but precisely these parents who regard higher education as more important than life. ”
The most important thing on the road to parenting is to blindly focus on grades and grades, but ignore the physical and mental health of children.
It's like losing a watermelon and picking sesame seeds, it's really not worth it!
In fact, all the abnormalities of the child have long been traced
According to the National Blue Book on Depression (2022-2023), "30% of people under the age of 18 are depressed, and 50% of them are school students." The prevalence of depression in adolescents has reached 15%~20%, which is close to that of adults. ”
I have to admit that our children are facing more psychological problems than ever before. And these problems do not arise overnight.
Yang Yi, Ph.D. in Developmental Psychology from Cornell University, has worked with many families with children with mental illness. She found that in the face of the facts, these parents all had a common reaction -
"My child seems to have suddenly changed as a person. ”
Originally ranked among the best, suddenly fell off a cliff, originally well-behaved and sensible, suddenly rebellious and difficult, originally sunny and cheerful, suddenly depressed......
Did all of this really happen suddenly? Not really. You must know that the violent reaction is only a symptom, and the child's problems have actually appeared two or three years ago, but the parents are not aware of it.
In fact, no child is depressed for no reason. There must be traces of their various psychological problems.
The National Committee for Young Workers has made a list of abnormal psychological self-examinations for children and adolescents. It is important for parents to pay attention to their children's following behaviors:
1. Suddenly become less talkative and unwilling to socialize with others;
2. Frequent anxiety, irritability, worry, fear;
3. Emotional instability and impulsiveness;
4. Easily angry, hostile or tantrums;
5. Uninterested or always unpleasant;
6. Living a lazy life and not wanting to go to school;
7. Difficulty concentrating;
8. Can't sleep or don't sleep well;
9. Declining academic performance.
These abnormalities are like a distress signal from a child. When the parents see it, the child is saved.
The premise of a child's success is to pay attention and be loved
I think of a heartwarming piece of news.
There is a girl in Yueyang, Hunan Province, who did not meet the requirements of the first exam and was very depressed.
When her mother found out, instead of blaming her, she gently comforted: "It doesn't matter if you can't pass the exam, as long as you are healthy and happy." ”
These gentle words made the girl deeply encouraged and decided to unload her burden and continue to work hard.
No matter what you will become, I will always love you.
I found that the unconditional acceptance of parents is the best talisman for children, which can give them the courage and strength to face pressure and move forward bravely.
As for the specific way, the book "My Child is Depressed, but I Thought He Was Just Unhappy" mentions that in order to keep children away from depression and have a healthy and positive attitude, it is important for parents to do the following five aspects:
1. Establish a good enough relationship with your child;
2. Help children develop positive and stable emotions;
3. Help children develop positive and pragmatic cognition;
4. Help children increase behaviors that improve problems;
5. Help children improve their sense of worth.