Written by / First Psychology Writers
Editor / Tommy
Today, let's dive into what men consider in the mate selection process.
When it comes to the guidelines for men to choose a mate, one may be reminded of a well-known joke——。
In their youth, men may give everything for a beautiful woman, and in middle age, they may be attracted to a woman who is full of wisdom and virtue. One is a beautiful memory imprinted in the heart, and the other is a solace for the soul.
In the eyes of men, love and marriage are two different things, and when choosing a marriage partner, they will take into account the "three haves and haves", and even consider the financial situation of the parents in the woman's family background as a key factor.
The so-called "three nos" originated from an online video about the new standards for male mate selection, which sparked a fierce reaction from netizens, especially many female netizens, who criticized the concept of mate selection as "extremely deformed".
The three no's include: while the six haves cover:
In particular, whether the parents have a pension has become a relatively new criterion. This shows that family background is as important as the woman's personal circumstances.
Even when considering marriage, men still consider a woman's appearance and personality as important considerations. Many women have expressed dissatisfaction with these clear standards, believing that they belittle women and even feel that women's rights are being challenged.
Recently, the term "common man" has sparked a lot of sarcasm among women, referring to men who seem ordinary but are unusually confident.
From the perspective of evolutionary psychology, it is reasonable for men to have multiple criteria for choosing a mate, and this self-interested tendency, which is rooted in genes, was inherited from ancient ancestors.
Imagine an ancient tribe where men who lack self-confidence struggle to find mates and pass on their genes. Evolutionary psychology has also revealed that men's definition of female beauty is complex, including multiple factors such as facial features, skin texture, makeup, smiles, and micro-expressions.
People's preferences vary, and their perception of beauty varies from person to person. In addition to facial features, the overall aesthetic is equally important. For example, the perception of beauty includes not only looks and temperament, but also the sum of multiple resources such as charm and sexiness.
This is true not only for humans, but also for other creatures, such as female peacocks, who tend to choose males with gorgeous feathers. Pretty means healthy, and when a male peacock competes for a mate, he not only needs to show off his beautiful feathers, but also needs to compete with other males.
Biologically, beauty also means health, and defects can affect beauty and are not conducive to reproduction for future generations.
Therefore, whether in love or marriage, men are attracted to the visual first. In the so-called "three nos, six haves" standard, the woman's family background also occupies an important position.
Men expect as much from a woman's family as they do from their appearance, and sometimes even beautiful women can be ostracized due to poor family conditions.
Not long ago, a news story told about a man who helped him pay off the mortgage because he loved a female doctor, but when he was about to get married, he found out that the woman had a long-term sick mother, which made the man very disappointed, and finally decided to break up and tried to claim 150,000 yuan from the female doctor to repay the loan.
Men tend to be more rational in their relationships, and even if they are in love, they will not easily enter the palace of marriage if they cannot commit to the relationship.
In 1985, psychologists at Southern Illinois University in the United States defined the concept of social support:
It refers to the complex process of forming a network of support through positive interactions between individuals.
This definition covers four main areas:
First, emotional support, including compassion, care, affection and trust.
secondly, practical material help, which involves assistance in terms of time, money, and effort;
Third, evaluative support, including evaluation, measurement and feedback, in a relationship, this means continuously measuring the giving and getting of both parties;
Finally, there is information support, which involves the exchange of ideas, ideas and the sharing of information.
In fact, when choosing a partner, both men and women unconsciously evaluate according to these four dimensions to judge what they can expect from the other person, and the uncertainty in this constitutes a risk.
Women may be more emotional and less concerned about gains and losses, with a saying that "as long as he loves me", men will consider all aspects of marriage from a more holistic perspective.
On the issue of pension, because it involves huge economic costs, it accounts for an important proportion of the input and cost of a relationship, so the pension of the woman's parents has become an important consideration in the blind date.
In the process of blind date, the relationship itself involves the evaluation of risks and benefits, men usually do not waste time easily, both parties will analyze the expected benefits and risks in the relationship, if the expected benefits are higher than the risks, then both parties will feel secure and confident in the relationship.
If there is concern about the uncertain risks of a future marriage, or if there is not enough confidence, it can be difficult for both parties to commit to the marriage. Men, in particular, also set standards and systems out of a responsible attitude.
Although there are many so-called "ordinary men" in today's society, this phenomenon also reflects the power struggle between men and women. As a female perspective, here are some ways to identify the true nature of a pop-faith man on a blind date:
First of all, Puxin men tend to ignore their own shortcomings, think they are impeccable, and at the same time be too harsh on women's shortcomings.
Secondly, they often exaggerate their achievements on certain occasions, constantly boast about themselves, and are overconfident in the past and the future. They use the demeaning of women to enhance their sense of self, and even though women are better off in some ways, they still think highly of themselves and think that women are unworthy.
A simple blind date is actually a fierce competition involving both parties' intelligence, beauty, economic status and family background.
Most people's families belong to the ordinary level, and at this moment, if you want to find your own happiness, you still need to rely on personal efforts and struggles to strive for and maintain.
-The End -
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
Keywords in this article: mate selection, marriage
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