According to data from the National Health Commission, there are nearly 18 million elderly people in China, accounting for 7.2% of the country's floating population, of which 43% come to take care of the younger generation.
The phenomenon of the elderly with babies is becoming more and more common, and part of the pressure of young people is slowly transferring to the elderly.
The pressure on the elderly is increasing day by day, and they are faced with the task of "heavy responsibility and high risk".
And there is a lot of debate about the topic of "whether the elderly should help with the baby".
As a young parent, if you want to return to the workplace to earn money to support your family, you urgently need the help of the elderly;
As a retired elderly, I want to enjoy a few years of retirement in peace, but I have to choose to bring a baby.
The old man said: "It is not our obligation to take children. ”
The young man rebelled: "If you don't help take care of the children, does it mean that you don't have to be supported by anyone." ”
The elderly have limited energy, the young do not have time, and in such endless arguments, family relationships are greatly affected.
Family parenting starts from the following three points, and the natural family is harmonious and warm.
Source: Visual China
There are big risks associated with "fake babies":
Lazy cheating baby, silent baby, doting baby
Surveys show that most families with babies tend to tire the elderly's body and teach bad children.
Education is a long practice, not only with love, but also with wisdom.
Young people should shoulder their responsibilities and not leave their children to the elderly.
Bringing a baby is not a simple matter, and a little carelessness may cause harm.
The media reported a news that "the elderly help the baby and are tired of depression".
Aunt Li went to Wuhan to help her daughter take care of the child, and finally brought Dabao to kindergarten, and her daughter added two treasures.
After three years of bringing two babies, the pressure was too great, and finally Aunt Li suffered from moderate depression.
Aunt Li is not in good health, because she has to take her grandchildren, morning exercise is put aside, not only is she responsible for the children's diet and daily life every day, but also has to accompany her grandchildren to various cram schools, staring at tutoring homework, and taking her grandchildren to visit various museums and read all kinds of extracurricular books on weekends......
For a long time, Aunt Li's mental state was very poor, she often had back pain, and her memory was getting worse and worse.
Source: Visual China
The reporter randomly interviewed some elderly people over 55 years old in an elderly activity center, and many elderly people said that they were "worried" about bringing their babies.
The first is afraid that the child will not take good care of it, and the child will inevitably bump into it; the second is that the education method is different, and it is easy to have conflicts with the child; the third is that the child is too naughty and consumes physical strength.
There are also headaches for the elderly, such as "children have low immunity and are prone to colds", "children are too busy under the pretext of being too busy, and they completely leave it alone".
For this "sweet burden", many elderly people feel that their bodies are completely unbearable.
It is important to know that the energy of the child is upward, while the energy of the elderly is downward.
Taking care of children is a physical task in itself, and it is easy for the elderly to lose their strength and have an emotional breakdown with their children.
And then due to the decline in physical strength and inability to take it, there is a phenomenon of lazy cheating baby, silent baby, or overindulgent doting baby.
The old man doesn't stare for a while, and the child will make the house jump, as long as the child doesn't cry, just give what he wants, and don't get hurt.
These have nothing to do with responsibility, nor do they have anything to do with spoiling, but more of a helplessness.
Parents are their children's first teachers, so they should pay attention to every step of their children's growth and use more snacks for their children.
Don't be a shopkeeper, let alone impose subjective ideas such as "should or shouldn't" on the elderly, and respect the elderly's choice.
Raising children is a long road to self-healing, testing the cohesion of a family.
Parents should pay attention to the problem of raising a baby, don't let the wrong way to take care of a baby affect the child's life, and don't let the helpless choice drag down the body and mind of the elderly.
"Generation-skipping" requires a sense of proportion:
Responsible not responsible, love not spoiled, communication without quarrels
One is slowly aging, the other is slowly growing, this is a reincarnation of encounters.
The love between grandparents and grandchildren does not need too many words.
The old man passed on his love for his children to the next generation, and this love was like a handover ceremony of life, undisguised and unreserved.
Therefore, it is natural to "intergenerational parent", there is nothing wrong with loving children, but this kind of love must have a sense of proportion.
Love without principles and limits can ruin a child's life and turn him into a "giant baby".
The famous pedagogue Sukhomlinsky once said:
"A person who has been cultivated with a doting attitude is a person who is completely selfish. ”
I once saw a case.
The child's surname is Wu, 12 years old, his parents have been working outside since he was a child, and Xiao Wu is raised by his grandparents and is a typical left-behind child.
The grandparents gave all their love to their grandchildren, they stretched out their hands for clothes, opened their mouths for food, and their grandparents didn't have much education, and they believed everything they said, and they didn't ask what their grandson wanted to do.
The child often gets together with some gangsters, and has a lot of bad habits, every time the child makes a fuss, the grandparents are reluctant to restrain them, and the parents are not unsupervised, so Xiao Wu is even more reckless.
On the eve of the incident, when his mother came back from work, she had a conflict with her son, Xiao Wu suspected that her mother was in too much control, scolded her mother, and took out a kitchen knife during the quarrel, and the tragedy happened.
In recent years, such things are not uncommon, the parents are not there, the old people are used to children, and the children are sick.
The old man in the big picture should understand: everything should not be excessive.
Know that a child's world is a blank slate, don't fill it with a mess.
The essence of true love is to give children choice, tolerance, and appreciation, while the essence of doting is to indulge, arrange, and control.
Over-spoiling and nurturing older children are selfish, willful and incompetent, and will eventually eat the whole family.
Raising children should feel and teach slowly, and not too hard.
In the process of raising children, the elderly should keep in mind that they are responsible and not responsible, love and do not spoil, and communicate without quarrels.
Indulging a child uncontrollably is not fulfillment, but harm.
Source: Visual China
"Cooperative parenting" is quietly popular:
The elderly are often accompanied, parents know how to educate, and children should be autonomous
Walking into the community in the evening, you can always see the scene of the elderly walking around the community with their children.
The old man was either playing with his children or chatting with other old people, "My grandson had a high fever last night, which really made people anxious" and "My child has learned to write......
At this moment, it is often difficult to see the parents of children, who may still be working overtime at the company, and may be stuck in the evening rush hour.....
A combination of factors has led to the emergence of a new way of parenting – "cooperative parenting".
Parents, as the first guardians, educate patiently;
As the second guardian, the elderly accompany them carefully;
As the third guardian, he is independent and autonomous.
A TV reporter once did a street interview on "Should the elderly help with the children?".
The answer of an old man in Suzhou is eye-catching.
She said in an interview that young people choose to fight for their careers for a better life for the whole family, and at this time I should help my children solve their worries.
I usually like to dance and play mahjong, but I don't go from Monday to Friday, and I have to put my children first at this time.
The reporter asked again: "How do you view the phenomenon of children getting close to the elderly and not with their parents?"
The old man said very calmly: The child's parents come home from work, as long as the child does not sleep, let them counsel and discipline, I only take care of the child, education, as much as possible to let the parents come, this is their responsibility. ”
A seat can be called "sober in the world", the old man helps to take care of the baby, and the division of responsibilities is good, in fact, it is not difficult.
Parents take responsibility for the education of their children, and the elderly are responsible for the daily care of their children, and the pressure on the family will be reduced a lot.
If it all is handed over to the elderly, and they blame each other when they encounter problems, the old people will struggle and the children will also suffer.
"Psychological Nutrition: Dr. Lin Wencai's Parent-Child Education Class" wrote: Because of the different values and living habits of the two generations, the parenting methods are bound to be different.
Children must be taught by their parents in person, three generations live together, it is likely to cause conflicts, the elderly and the young couple should give each other space and respect each other:
When parents discipline their children, whether it is right or wrong, do not interject.
Children can explore the world on their own, and do not overdo it on their own.
Don't show your child his phone or watch TV just to be obedient.
When there is a conflict, adjust your mindset in time, and don't blindly blame.
In the process of cooperative parenting, parents, children, and the elderly all have to pay and gain, and if handled properly, the family relationship will also be sublimated.
When the pressures of work and children appear in front of young people at the same time, how fortunate it is to have the help of elders.
Life is not easy, and there will always be differences in parenting.
More understanding, less complaining, more praise, less blame.
The elderly help to take care of the baby, which is a kind of selfless dedication and sacrifice, and the children must be grateful.
Cherish the elderly who help take care of children, and communicate more and be more tolerant when there are problems, which is the attitude that should be had.
You must know that it is precisely with the burden of the old man that the young man has the courage to move forward.
Raising a child requires the joint efforts of three generations, choosing the right way of parenting, being a high-level parent, and being a big old man, in order to raise excellent children.
Source: Visual China
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Three generations are the lifting of generation after generation, not the rot of generation after generation.
Although it is difficult to bring a baby, it will always be good if you actively cooperate; although life is hard, adding sugar in time will always be sweet.
As it is written in the book:
"I love the fireworks in this world, the family sits idly, the children laugh, the lights are amiable, three generations are in the same house, leaving the figure of each generation. ”
I hope that under every lamp, there will be children and grandchildren under their knees, and the whole family will be happy.
May every family be full of laughter, lovely and amiable.
Source: Visual China
作者:三瓣橘子;来源:读书369(id:dushu369com).