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My name is Wang Xiaomei, I am 28 years old, and I am an ordinary office white-collar worker. Two of my good friends, one is named Li Hong, 32 years old, and has been married for several years. The other is Zhang Li, 25 years old, who is in love.
Last Friday night, the three of us met up at a small restaurant in the city center as usual. At the beginning, we talked about some interesting things about work and life, and the atmosphere was very harmonious. Unexpectedly, the topic inexplicably shifted to the relationship between the sexes.
"Xiaomei, have you been single again recently?" Li Hong asked me jokingly.
Zhang Li's eyes widened, and her face was full of confusion: "Too little, how long have you not been in touch?"
"If I don't get in touch for a week, I feel like it's been a long time. I sighed, my eyes darkened, "Once, we didn't say a word for ten days, and I felt that he didn't care about me anymore, and I felt very uncomfortable. "
I was a little emotional, and my speech became rapid: "Later, when I questioned him, he said that I was making a big fuss and that I would be overwhelmed by too frequent contact. But I just can't stand this feeling of being left out in the cold!"
Li Hong shook her head helplessly: "Hey, you young people are just too serious." When you get married, you will find that it is normal for men to ignore you for months sometimes. "
"What?" Zhang Li was obviously shocked by Li Hong's words, "How can you bear it if you haven't been in touch for a few months?"
Li Hong's expression was solemn, and she seemed to fall into memory: "I couldn't stand it at first, and I always took the initiative to chat with him." But then he gradually relieved, after all, he was too busy with work, and there was no other woman, so he didn't contact him and just needed personal space. "
Zhang Li's face was full of doubts: "But, no matter how busy you are at work, you should take the time to contact the other party, right?" If I don't talk for even a day, I will feel that he doesn't care about me anymore, and I can't sleep because of my sadness." "
"I had a boyfriend before, and he used to ignore me for a long time. "Once, we didn't say a word for a month! I was hoping that he would contact me every day, but he never did. "
I painfully recalled the grievances and helplessness at that time: "When I called him, he didn't answer, and he didn't reply to the messages. I went to his house to look for him, but no one answered the door. In the end, I could only cry alone, feeling that I was ruthlessly abandoned by him. "
Speaking of which, my eyes couldn't help but redden. The hurt that those days did to me never seemed to heal completely.
"After getting married, there have been cases like this. Li Hong's tone was tired, "Once, my husband was on a business trip for three months, and we didn't even contact each other once. "
"I called him and he said he was busy with work; When I sent a message, he just replied with a few words. During that time, I often cried alone at home, feeling that he didn't love me anymore. Li Hong shook her head helplessly.
But then he thought about it, and he did it for work, to make money to support his family. Besides, we are already married, and the relationship will not disappear because of temporary estrangement. Her expression softened a little.
Zhang Li was obviously shocked by what happened to us, her eyes widened and her face was full of confusion: "But why did this happen?
I looked at Zhang Li's helpless eyes, as if I saw myself a few years ago. I wish someone had been able to guide me through the puzzle.
"Xiaomei, you're so right! Men are so unkind that they don't take our feelings to heart at all!" Li Hong suddenly became emotional and slapped the table hard.
"What? Don't say that, maybe you're just too busy at work?" Zhang Li tried to defend the man, but we rejected it directly.
"What are you busy with? You just don't care about us so you deliberately don't get in touch! Didn't you also say that if you don't contact you for a day, you feel that he doesn't love you?" My tone became a little sharper.
"Then why do you want to stay with them? Zhang Li seemed to be a little intimidated by our momentum, and her words became incoherent.
"Hmph, you're young, you don't understand this! When you really love each other, you'll know, and you can endure any big thing!" Li Hong was obviously stimulated by Zhang Li's words, and her face turned red.
"It's just that you're too young to know what it means to be considerate and tolerant!" I echoed the words.
"You're too old!" Zhang Li's eyes suddenly turned red, and she complained with tears in her eyes, "Even if you are busy with work, you can't go without contact for so long! Have you forgotten how you fell in love in the first place?"
Li Hong and I were stopped by Zhang Li's crying and looked at each other. I saw her covering her face and tears streaming down her face, obviously touching on some psychological trauma.
Zhang Li sobbed and wiped away her tears, and the three of us gradually calmed down. There was a moment of silence that hung over us, and we were all a little afraid that our previous excitement had gone too far.
"I'm sorry, I was too impulsive. In the end, it was Li Hong who spoke first, "We seem to have overlooked some deeper reasons. "
I nodded thoughtfully: "That's right, we just judge from our own point of view, but we don't really understand each other's situation. "
Zhang Li also calmed down and nodded in agreement. It seems that we have finally found the crux of all this dispute.
"Actually, the most important thing is to communicate more. I spoke slowly, my tone becoming earnest, "If I had had a good chat with him at that time, maybe I wouldn't have come this far." "
Li Hong and Zhang Li both looked at me with focused eyes, as if waiting for me to continue. I paused before I spoke again: "You think, the most terrible thing in the relationship is not the cold war, but the desire to communicate with each other. "
"Xiaomei is so right. Li Hong nodded and sighed, "If I had taken the initiative to understand his difficulties at work, instead of blindly blaming him, maybe our relationship would not have reached an impasse." "
Zhang Li said thoughtfully: "But sometimes, no matter how much you communicate, the other party may turn a blind eye." "
"This requires us to be more empathetic and put ourselves in the other person's shoes. I looked at Zhang Li and said earnestly, "Maybe he just needs some time to be alone and quiet, and he doesn't really want to alienate you." "
Zhang Li's eyes widened, as if persuaded by my words. I continued: "Everyone has their own personality and lifestyle, and we need to respect and be inclusive, not arbitrary. "
Li Hong also agreed: "That's right, let's take my husband as an example, although he rarely takes the initiative to contact me, I know that he is loving me in his own way, not not caring about me." We need to interpret each other with empathy, not to be angry with ourselves. "
I nodded, relieved. It turns out that the reason for the disagreement is that we both lack consideration and understanding for each other.
"So, whether it's in a relationship or a marriage, communication and mutual understanding are the most important. I slowly stated our consensus, "Only by treating each other with patience and understanding can the relationship go further." "
"Yes, we shouldn't ask others to live up to our expectations 100 percent, but appreciate what makes them unique. Li Hong nodded approvingly.
Zhang Li also smiled with relief, her eyes were full of openness: "I finally understand that there is no standard answer to love overnight, and both parties need to work hard." As long as you communicate attentively, you will definitely find a balance between two people. "
In this way, the three of us finally reached a consensus through a heated discussion. Although the process was quite tortuous, I learned a lot and gained a deeper understanding of gender relations.
It was late at night, and the three of us reluctantly left the restaurant. Before parting, Li Hong suddenly hugged me and Zhang Li, her eyes full of longing.
"We're going to get together more often in the future, it's so meaningful to talk about it. She said earnestly.
I smiled and nodded, looking at Zhang Li. I saw that her eyes were firm, and she seemed to have made up her mind to cherish the feelings in front of her.
In this way, the three of us women shook out the deepest confusion and troubles in our hearts through a sincere confession.
This discussion has benefited me a lot, and I am determined to have more patience and understanding in my future relationship. After all, true love is to tolerate each other and grow together, rather than blindly asking each other to change. Only by managing with patience can love last a long time and last forever.
Back home, I was alone in bed tossing and turning. The conversation with Li Hong and Zhang Li tonight still lingers in my mind.
I think of my ex-boyfriend, and although it is true that he rarely reaches out to me, maybe he has his own troubles and struggles deep down, and he just can't tell me about them. Unfortunately, I didn't realize this at all, and in the end I was self-defeating and pushed him away completely.
If I had been more considerate and empathetic about his situation, maybe we wouldn't have ended up so regrettably.
My heart was full of mixed feelings, and the emotional wounds of the past seemed to have been torn apart again, and they ached.
I began to think back to the last time we met. That day, I took the initiative to go to his house to find him, wanting to talk about our relationship problems. But at that time, I was too opinionated, and I didn't give him a chance to explain at all, but said a lot of hurtful things to him.
Finally, he cried and said to me, "Let's break up, I don't have the courage to face your accusations and accusations anymore." "
After saying this, he left without looking back. I, on the other hand, just stood there in a daze, tears streaming down my face. It's only now that I finally realize that I was the one who ruined the relationship with my own hands.
I thought about it over and over again, tears rolling down my face. I can only secretly regret the regrets of the past, but I can't change anything.
Thankfully, tonight's conversation woke me up in time. I have learned that in order to get out of the haze of the past, we must treat feelings with a more tolerant and understanding attitude.
I told myself that in the next relationship, no matter how troublesome the other person's personality is, I will try to empathize with him and use patience and empathy to understand his inner struggles. Only in this way can we truly build a relationship of mutual trust.
At the same time, I also have to learn to take the initiative to communicate and stop blindly piling up my emotions in the depths of my heart. I will honestly tell the other person what I think and what is going on, instead of blaming the other person. After all, the most terrible thing on the emotional road is the lack of communication, which gradually accumulates in the hearts of the two.
Thinking of this, my heart suddenly brightened. I believe that as long as you treat your feelings with a more open and inclusive attitude, you will definitely be able to find your own happiness.
I flipped through my phone and sent a message to Li Hong and Zhang Li: "Thank you for sharing last night, which benefited me a lot." I am determined to treat my relationship with a more tolerant and understanding attitude, and I hope that the next relationship can go further. "
yes, I'm not alone on this path. I have these two good sisters by my side, and they will be my strength to move forward. With their support, I am not afraid of falling again, and I will definitely be able to regain hope and courage in love.
This time, I will definitely hold on to happiness and not let it slip through my fingers again.