How long has it been since you've had sex?
Although many people are ashamed to talk about it, sex has always been a very high proportion of our marriage, affecting our marriage all the time.
Be careful, you are experiencing a sexless marriage
Regarding sex in marriage, there was a survey done in the background.
It turns out that too many couples are actually experiencing sexlessness in marriage.
@玲儿:
"After giving birth, I gave up my job for the sake of my family and devoted myself to taking care of my parents at home.
I think I've fulfilled my responsibility to be a good wife, daughter-in-law, and mother.
By the end of the day, I was too tired to look good.
There were a few times when he had hints, but I rejected them, and unexpectedly, he found a woman outside. ”
@重重:
"I was busy in the company during the day, and when I went home at night, I had to tutor Dabao's homework, take care of Xiaobao's daily life, and worry about money.
Compared to the healthy and happy growth of my children and the financial pressure, sex is really not that important to me. ”
……
Such grievances and distresses, there are countless messages in the background, and behind every comment, there is a tired and helpless soul.
The results of a 2009 survey conducted by prof. Poon Suiming, an expert in sexology, showed that:
More than 28.7 per cent of married men and women have sex less than once a month, and 6.2 per cent of couples have not had sex in the past year.
Sociologists believe that:
The couple has no illness accidents, lives less than one sex in a month, and is living a sexless marriage.
This means that one out of every four couples is experiencing asexuality.
What kills sex in marriage?
There is a line in the Japanese drama "The Most Perfect Divorce":
"The worst outcome is not divorce, but becoming a mask couple, living together without love and expectations for each other, which is the greatest misfortune. ”
With the love from the mirror of you and me when you are in love, it gradually reveals its true face in marriage.
The trivial and complicated firewood, rice, oil and salt have gradually become the theme of life.
The life of many couples has become a daily programmed clock-in to work and return home from work.
Just like in "Goodbye Lover 3", the youngest post-90s couple, Zhang Shuo and Wang Sleepy, were slowly diluted by their dull and tired lives.
Wang Mianmian once said to the camera that they had not had sex for a year.
This is true for young couples, and many older middle-aged couples have long since lost interest in sex.
When the passion fades and the dullness gradually dissipates, many couples slowly lose their enthusiasm for exploring and attracting each other.
Just like when you are in a relationship with your lover, you will definitely tremble at a kiss from the other person and his touch on your body, and even have a feeling of dizziness and intoxication.
But as time goes by, you already know everything about each other, and even if you are in close contact with each other, you have long lost the excitement you had at the beginning.
And the fast pace of urbanization has exacerbated this boredom......
There is such a point in psychology:
When anxiety and depression caused by various stresses make people feel bad, people are reluctant to connect with the outside world, including sex.
When people reach middle age, when life is surrounded by firewood, rice, oil, salt, and trivial things day after day, when all energy is squeezed dry by work, life, and children.
Many times, it's not that people really don't want to, it's stress and exhaustion that kill that desire in their bones.
The question of sexuality has never been a question of sex
In 2016, Maureen McGrath gave a TED talk entitled "Sexless Marriage", which was viewed 26 million times.
Other data shows that the number of people who search for "sexless marriage" on Google is much greater than "cheating".
All of this shows that although they are ashamed to mention it to outsiders, many people are actually troubled by sexless marriages.
Professor Pan Suiming, a sexual sociologist, once said:
"The problem of sex has never been a question of sex. ”
The real problem with sexless marriage is never sex per se, but love.
is like the embarrassing 10-year sexless marriage between the famous singer Cai Qin and the director's ex-husband Yang Dechang, Yang Dechang said to Cai Qin:
"We should maintain platonic communication, not let this affection seep into any impurities, and not be subject to any blasphemy and restraint.
Because our careers are yet to be developed, we must work together to put this energy into work. ”
Cai Qin believed it, worked hard to fulfill his wife's duties during the day, fully supported Yang Dechang's career, slept in separate rooms at night, and sang the loneliness in his heart in the song.
After 10 years of marriage to Cai Qin, Yang Dechang chose to divorce.
Soon after, he quickly married pianist Peng Kaili and soon had their son.
For this reason, netizens laughed and said:
"It turns out that he doesn't want to have sex, he just doesn't want to have sex with you. ”
After all, the reason why many people are troubled by sexless marriage and are eager to find a way out is that in addition to their physical needs are not met, there are also emotional insecurities and worries.
Sex, as an intimate and sensitive topic, is often shunned.
Many people, especially women, tend to have extremely conservative views about sex, believing that it is immoral or even shameful to talk about sex.
As marriage studies scholars have noted:
Women's attitudes towards sexuality are often influenced by the social environment and passive, and they rarely take the initiative to express their sexual needs.
This kind of shyness and evasive attitude greatly limits our in-depth understanding and cognition of sexuality, and also hinders the frank communication and resolution of sexual issues between couples.
The point, however, is that problems don't go away on their own, but rather snowball.
There's a good saying:
"In marriage, love and non-love, the body is the most honest. ”
The ideal marriage must be a combination of sex and love.
Have sex well in bed, eat well at the table, and talk well face to face.
The essence of marriage is a win-win situation, love is the source, and sex is the cornerstone.
Instead of complaining alone in your marriage, you should communicate well with your partner and say what you really think and need.
I hope that every couple can change and pay for each other, tolerate and accommodate each other, and embrace sex in embracing love.
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