In the past few days, I haven't slept well, I can't eat, and my mind is full of the text message that my eldest brother sent me.
A few days ago, during the Qingming Festival, my daughter-in-law and I were going back to our hometown to visit the grave.
At that time, everything was already packed, and we were waiting for the eldest brother to join us and go up the mountain together.
But I didn't expect that when the eldest brother found us, he was full of alcohol!
When I smelled my eldest brother, I couldn't get angry.
Since the death of his mother, the eldest brother has always been uneducated and unskilled, and he can't even take care of his own family.
I didn't give my eldest brother a good face at all along the way, even if my daughter-in-law persuaded me from behind, I turned a deaf ear.
But I didn't expect that on my way back to the city, I suddenly received a text message from my eldest brother, and after seeing the contents, I couldn't control my tears anymore......
Contributor: Anonymous Zhang Caiyong (Disclaimer: This article is not my own experience, it is based on the narrator's words)
01
It is said that after the death of my parents, my brothers and sisters in the family will gradually drift apart, and I scoffed at this sentence at the time.
But I didn't expect that in just a few years, I was gradually separated from my eldest brother who grew up together.
I am over half a hundred years old this year, and the children in my family have grown up and started their own small families.
It stands to reason that I don't lack anything at my age now, but the matter of my eldest brother has become the biggest mustard in my heart.
My eldest brother is five years older than me, and there are only two of us in the family, and we have a very good relationship, growing up wearing a crotch.
I still remember the scene when my eldest brother took me up to the tree to touch the eggs, and he dragged me under the tree half a head taller than me, so that I could touch the eggs in the nest.
At that time, my parents had to go to work during the day, and they didn't have time to take care of my brother's life.
So my eldest brother took on the responsibility of taking care of me himself, boiling the water every morning when he got up, and then pulling me up the mountain to collect firewood.
At that time, the eldest brother was just a hairy boy, only a little taller than the stove, but he had already begun to make me breakfast like his mother.
The rice cooked by my eldest brother was very unpalatable, and he would only wash everything and throw it into the pot to cook, and I complained more than once that it was unpalatable.
But the eldest brother taught me a lesson with a straight face: "It's good to eat some, how can you be picky!"
I knew that my eldest brother was telling the truth, and at that time, food was more precious than gold in the outside house.
Not to mention an egg, even a broken sweet potato brother is reluctant to throw it away, he will only wash it and throw it into the pot to cook.
The things that came out of the cooking were simply unbearable to look at, there was rice soup left over from the night before, and a few green vegetables picked in the field, and all kinds of food were served in a bowl by the eldest brother.
Although I hate my eldest brother's cooking, it is this bland and tasteless meal that has accompanied me for all my childhood.
At that time, my eldest brother was already old enough to go to school, but he couldn't leave me alone at home, so he had to take me to school.
Fortunately, the school is not far from our house, and when my eldest brother was studying in the classroom, he let me play in an open area.
Before leaving, he repeatedly told me not to run around, and only to play in the place he planned.
At that time, my mind was full of play, and I didn't care what my eldest brother said, I only knew that when I looked up at the classroom, my eldest brother's eyes would always meet me.
I sometimes wonder if my brother's academic performance is so poor because he keeps looking up at me and not looking at the blackboard.
Later, when I became sensible, I realized that my eldest brother had sacrificed a lot of things for me, whether it was life or study.
02
"Mom can't live with you, the family's money is only enough for one person to go to school......"
At that time, I looked at my mother's sad appearance, and I didn't understand what there was to cry about, and I was naturally happy that I didn't go to school.
But the eldest brother, who was already in high school, bowed his head deeply like his mother, and the dull atmosphere at home made me uneasy.
"Let my little brother go to work, I can help the family now, and I can go out to work. ”
After hearing my eldest brother's words, I still felt unfair, why should I go to school, but my eldest brother can do whatever he wants.
But my mother touched my head and repeated over and over again: "You have to fight, the hope of our whole family is with you!"
It was at that time that the distance between me and my eldest brother became farther and farther away, and I no longer pestered him like I did when I was a child, and he was so busy with work that the sun was still nowhere to be seen when the sun set.
Although there are differences in our lives, in my heart, the eldest brother will always be my dearest eldest brother, the eldest brother who knows that I will secretly go to the chicken coop to get eggs for me to eat when I am hungry.
"My brother settles accounts" is nonsense at all for me, my eldest brother can use all my things, and my eldest brother will never be stingy with me.
But when we all got married, this truth slowly disappeared from my mind.
When I failed the college entrance examination and didn't get admitted to university, I just found an easy job in a nearby factory, but my eldest brother was laid off.
When my parents were worried about the eldest brother, their hair turned white, and they smoked one cigarette after another in their mouths, and finally the eldest brother stood up by himself.
"What's there to think, life is not unbearable! It's a big deal that I'll go to other factories!"
But how can a job be so easy to find, at that time, many workers were hit by the laid-off thing, and many people in our village alone broke up, and the eldest brother's marriage was also yellow because of this incident.
At that time, my eldest brother and I had a different life, and the job stability alone made me and my eldest brother become people on two paths.
Later, our family almost broke up because of some trivial things, and my eldest brother and I were no longer close brothers, but also became brothers who "settled accounts".
Later, we both had our own small families, my daughter-in-law and I moved to the county town for work, and my eldest brother stayed here in his hometown.
Until after my parents passed away, my eldest brother and I were like a mountain apart, and we would never see each other until we had to.
And this Qingming went back to my hometown to sweep the tomb, which was the first time my eldest brother and I met after the New Year.
During the Chinese New Year, we quarreled without two sentences, both of them were arguing with a red face and a thick neck, and he kept reprimanding me for being a bad descendant, and even forgetting the roots of the family.
I couldn't bear his arrogant and unreasonable attitude, and immediately yelled back:
"Look at how old you are, and you still don't understand your own affairs and still come to me?"
After saying this, I regretted it a little, I saw the hardships that my eldest brother suffered when he was young, how could I say such a thing.
In the end, neither of us brothers nor we wanted to bow our heads first, and a good year ended in unhappiness.
My daughter-in-law persuaded me more than once not to be angry with my eldest brother, neither of them is a child, how can there be so many bickering.
Actually, I don't want to be left with only an argument every time I see my eldest brother, but things always go in a direction that is out of my control.
03
This time, when I went back to my hometown to sweep the tomb during the Qingming Festival, my daughter-in-law told me not to be angry, and I agreed.
But when we got to my hometown, I couldn't control my anger anymore.
Before dawn, we had already packed all our things and were ready to go up the mountain, but the eldest brother was nowhere to be seen.
When I asked my sister-in-law, my sister-in-law was also confused, and just told my eldest brother to come later.
But when the sun was about to rise, the eldest brother still hadn't appeared, and I was already suppressing my anger at this time.
When it was almost nine o'clock, the eldest brother finally showed up, but he appeared in front of us drunk.
All of us stood at the foot of the mountain and waited for the eldest brother for almost three hours, but the eldest brother ran to an unknown place to drink!
"You still know how to come, you don't know what day it is!"
In the end, I still couldn't control my temper and yelled at my eldest brother, who was obviously still drunk at this time, and didn't react to what was happening.
In the end, it was the relatives and friends around us who persuaded us, and the matter was over.
I always held back a fire in my heart, and I didn't understand how the eldest brother who took me up to the tree to touch the bird's eggs when I was a child could become like this.
When I went up the mountain to sweep the grave, I never paid attention to my eldest brother, but I was busy with my own affairs.
Maybe I wasn't in a good mood, and my daughter-in-law didn't stay too long, so we went straight home when we went down the mountain after sweeping the tomb.
On the way back, my daughter-in-law kept enlightening me and persuaded me not to be angry with my brother all the time, after all, it was my own relative.
Of course, I know that my eldest brother is my only relative in the world, but I can't help but be angry when I look at his unmotivated appearance.
It was at this time that I suddenly received a text message from my eldest brother on my mobile phone.
The eldest brother is not used to using a mobile phone, let alone WeChat, and even calls have to turn on the elderly mode.
So when I saw the text message sent by my eldest brother, I thought it was my sister-in-law who was holding my eldest brother's mobile phone to operate.
"Little brother, it's my brother who did something wrong today, and I don't know how to talk to you since Mom left. ”
"You are better than the eldest brother, the eldest brother is really not as good as you, you haven't been back in the past few years except for the New Year's holiday, and my brother really doesn't know how to talk to you!"
When I read this information, my tears flowed instantly, my eldest brother has suffered a lot more than I have suffered, and the brother who dragged me under the tree when I was a child is already old, and he can't drag me anymore.
My daughter-in-law was instantly startled when she saw me, and quickly pulled out a few pieces of paper and handed them to me.
My eldest brother is my elder brother, a relative who is related to me by blood, we grew up together and were able to wear a pair of pants together, how did we become like this now?
My mood was heavy all the way, and I didn't know how to face my brother.
The eldest brother's life may not be satisfactory, but he will always remember me as a little brother, even if we have a quarrel, we are all a family.