Speaking of Pang Xiuyu, you may not know who she is, but her story can shock you from beginning to end.
Pang Xiuyu, a genius girl, was a smash hit girl writer in the 90s, but in the end she became a poor unmarried mother with 3 children. What's going on here?
Pang Xiuyu was born in Tianjin into a family of ordinary workers. There are few decent pieces of furniture in the house, but there are more than 12,000 books.
This is all because she has a father who has never met a talented person.
The dreams that can't be realized by yourself are pinned on the children. Therefore, his father Pang Yi has been strict with Pang Xiuyu since he was a child.
Pang Xiuyu had to memorize poems, learn words, and do arithmetic before school, and after she went to elementary school, she had to read a lot of books and write 2,000 words a day.
Once she doesn't meet the requirements, Dad will be beaten or scolded.
Under such high pressure, Pang Xiuyu did emerge, and began to publish works in various books and newspapers when she was in elementary school, won numerous awards, and also won the title of "National Top Ten Literary Teenagers".
Even the literary master Ba Jin and the educator Lei Jieqiong wrote to her to encourage her.
At the age of 14, she also became the youngest member of the Tianjin Writers Association and was known as a "genius girl".
But the story doesn't go on like a fairy tale.
Seeing Pang Xiuyu's dazzling achievements, the father pushed his daughter into the public eye.
Dad not only contacted the publishing house to publish her personal essay "Hope", but also arranged for her to give various interviews, making her "famous overnight".
Busy with fame, she gradually fell behind in her studies, and even had to drop out of school in the end.
In order to survive, she went to work as a waitress in a restaurant. Here she meets a man who is 16 years older than her.
This man greeted her with cold greetings, and said that he wanted to fulfill her college dream and her literary dream.
Pang Xiuyu, who lacked father's love, fell into it like this, and gave birth to 3 children for him.
But soon, the man left her. She also knew that the man she relied on was actually someone else's husband.
In this way, the genius girl who was once a smash hit fell into a poor unmarried mother with 3 children.
From this embarrassing "genius girl", we can see that her father's expectations for her, her education method, and his dreams and ambitions have directly or indirectly affected her growth and the final direction of life.
So, what enlightenment can this bring to our family education?
One: High expectations are high pressure
Pang Xiuyu's father didn't meet because he was pregnant, so his expectations for his daughter were higher than his expectations for himself.
In order to let his daughter realize his dreams, he made an extremely strict study plan and life norms for his daughter.
This took up almost all of Pang Xiuyu's time and energy, and it also brought her a lot of pressure.
As parents, we all have the good expectation of "hoping that our sons will become dragons and our daughters will become phoenixes". But this expectation should also be realistic and not put too much pressure on the child.
Like many parents, in order not to let their children fall behind others, let their children start learning and attending various classes from an early age. Although a child may be doing well now, it will have a profound impact on him in the future.
This is why today's children are particularly psychologically fragile and do things that hurt themselves at every turn.
We can give our children expectations, but we must also understand that behind the high expectations, there must be high pressure on the children, and we must have a balance between these expectations and pressures.
2. In the face of success and failure, parents should be calm
Once you get up, it's hard to accept the fall.
Pang Xiuyu's father was dazzled by his daughter's temporary dazzling results, and felt that his wish was about to be fulfilled by his daughter.
But he doesn't have a long-term vision, doesn't consider his daughter's long-term development, and only cares about the present.
That's why he ignored his daughter's studies, and in the end, he even caused his daughter's academic performance to be unqualified and dropped out of school.
The father was too anxious to do it and didn't think about his daughter's life. Once his daughter let him down, he immediately gave up on the child.
When we raise children, we should not be confused by the momentary success or failure in front of us, and do not dwell on that score. Instead, we should help children find problems, solve problems, and improve children's abilities.
Three: Lack of paternal love
Growing up, her father focused too much on achievement and success, but neglected her emotional needs and mental health.
Pang Xiuyu, who lacks a sense of security and paternal love, is also extremely fragile in interpersonal relationships in adulthood.
She didn't find a partner who was really suitable for her to grow up with, but was easily deceived by someone else's sweet words or two, and finally became an abandoned unmarried mother of 3 children.
If her father was when she was a child, he not only focused on achievements at the same time, but also gave her gentle care and love. That may not be how she grows up. You may be able to achieve a little while still living happily.
Four: self-worth
Under the influence of her father, Pang Xiuyu overly tied her self-worth to her achievements. When she could no longer maintain her status as a "gifted girl", she felt that she was worthless, and this sense of loss exacerbated the difficulties of her later life.
If she had been taught since she was a child that in addition to her achievements, she herself was a person worthy of love, a worthy person, then she might not have fallen into a situation of poverty and could live on her own.
The influence of fathers on children is profound, especially on girls. An excellent father does not need him to be rich and powerful, as long as he loves his children more, then the child has the strength to fight the difficulties in life.
From a genius girl to a poor unwed mother with 3 children, what do you want to say?
[The picture comes from the Internet, invaded and deleted]