Family affection in the world
Qingming, my father has a spirit
Zhang Yaoyu Wen
It is another year of Qingming Festival, the willow trees in the fields of my hometown have added a new color overnight, and in this most grand and grand ancestor worship festival in the eyes of the world, I miss my father the most.
My father's kindness is as deep as the sea, and when he writes down a sentence of longing, his eyes are already wet with tears, and no one can understand the pain in his heart. Every time I knelt down at the grave, I imagined that everything in front of me was a dream, and I had the luxury of hoping that when I looked up, I would see my father's familiar figure. People always feel precious after they are lost, but there are some things that can never be recovered. Only after experiencing it do you know that time does not fade everything. A spring rain before the Qingming Festival drenched the earth and opened the floodgates of the heart's thoughts about the deceased relatives, and this kind of strong longing will always appear suddenly, making people have a strong feeling of traveling through time and space to meet their relatives in heaven for a short time.
My father has been dead for six years, and every year during the Qingming Festival, we go to the place where he is buried to pay respects. For more than six years, I have always wanted to bury this sadness deep in my heart, let time wrap it layer by layer, condense it into a nucleus, and be careful not to touch it and not let my heart ache. But it always backfired, and when I walked into the blessed place where the mountains surrounded my father's eternal rest, tears often couldn't help but flow down my face......
Every time I wiped away the tears that flowed freely, I realized that in fact, the pain of losing my father has never really recovered, and everything in my memory of my father is always highlighted in my mind, and it has never faded because of the passage of time.
Yesterday's Qingming Festival, I originally planned to get up early and take my family to sweep my father's grave, but the second brother, who was working thousands of miles away, suddenly called and said that he would go together when he came back. This year's Qingming holiday arrangement seems to be a little unsatisfactory, after getting off work on Wednesday afternoon, the second brother began to take the train day and night, heading for his hometown. After arriving in Wuwei and changing to the bus, it was originally a three-hour drive, but because of the increase in traffic on the holiday road, it took more than four hours. Qingming Festival is to go to the homeland of the wanderer, to find the roots of the ancestors, to go on a long trip, across the mountains and seas, to the grave of the ancestors, add a handful of soil, let the thoughts follow, burn a few pieces of paper, let the wish follow, put a bouquet of flowers, let the country sound remain......
When everything was ready to go to my father's grave, it was already afternoon. The sun is particularly abundant on a spring afternoon, so when you get off the bus, you bring your offerings and start the new year's worship ceremony. In order to make up for the debt to their father, the children would go to his grave every year to bring tomatoes, snacks with clear oil, canned fruits and other foods that his father liked during his lifetime, neatly placed them on the offering table, broke them one by one and sprinkled them on the ground, and softly called his father, who was sleeping in the ground, to come and taste them......
There is a saying in my hometown that every traditional festival, the deceased loved ones will incarnate into birds, butterflies or other spiritual objects, appear in front of their relatives, and meet for a short time.
The deepest memory is the first year of my father's death, I went to the cemetery to burn paper, when the sacrificial offerings were arranged, suddenly a spiritual dog appeared in the wilderness, the dog wagged its tail in front of the earthen monument behind my father's grave, and looked at me with blazing eyes, I was at a loss, and looked at the dog in a daze, and after a while the dog took an offering in his mouth and disappeared in front of him. There are also a few Qingming festivals, when we pay tribute to our father and are ready to leave the cemetery, there will be a bird flying to land on the grave, looking around, giving people a magical feeling. Towards the end of the memorial service, a gecko about six centimeters long and the same earth-colored appearance crawled around in front of the offering table, like a miniature version of the swimming dragon, appeared in front of the eyes, sometimes stopping to look around, sometimes opening its mouth to suck the oranges and orange juice sprinkled on the ground, without the slightest fear of us.
I think this must be my father's spirit in the sky, turned into a spiritual creature and came to the world to take a look at his relatives.
My father has been in the world for seventy-three years, lost his father at an early age, lived in poverty, ate fasting and recited Buddha, and is an inconspicuous person among all living beings, but he has done a lot of great things, so that many people in ten miles and eight towns respect and respect. So much so that many years later, when my father was mentioned, some people said that he was a great and kind person, and the doll cried a lot when he was a child, but after being treated by his old man, he miraculously obeyed......
My father supported himself all his life, did not fight or be greedy, used the kindness in the Buddha nature to influence the people around him, and helped countless people who were lost to get out of the sea of suffering with the bodhisattva heart. My father has achieved true love, and he has not cared about money and money, and he is emotionally harmonious.
Before his death, my father respected and cared for his brother, sister, sister, and younger brother in his words and deeds, that is, my uncle, aunt, and uncle. In his life, he has never blushed with them because of some trivial matters, even if someone deliberately tries to sow discord and create contradictions, my father will use his compassion to smile and pass by, never care about personal gains and losses, and often teach future generations that suffering losses is a blessing!
Father will always be the mountain in the hearts of future generations, giving us strength and confidence.
A year is clear, a year is a remembrance
The breeze turns into rain, and the longing is long.
May Heaven's Father be well, and those around him be well!
Editor in charge: Rong Feng
Photo by Zhang Yaoyu