A few days ago, a student cried and asked me for an urgent consultation, saying: Mr. Lu, I followed my husband to a shopping mall and found that he was dating that. What should I do now? Do I want to go up and tear it?
I said, "You have to do what I say." Do as you are told.
First, you take 100 deep breaths to calm yourself down.
Second, you walked up to your husband, smiled, nodded to the woman, and then took her husband's hand and said, "Husband, our family has an emergency, you go back with me."
Third, your husband may go back with you when he is shocked, and it doesn't matter if he doesn't go back with you, you can just turn around and leave.
Fourth, when you go home, the first thing is not to blame, and the second is not to cry, that is, to understand your husband's mentality, what he likes about that woman, and what he is dissatisfied with you. It doesn't matter if he's acting or talking nonsense, your task is to gather information.
Fifth, based on this conversation, you write a letter to him with the goal of saving the marriage, and send it to me for the next consultation and discussion.
She then came to me and said, "Teacher Lu, I did what you said, and he really followed me obediently."
I said, do you know why I asked you to do this?
You didn't say anything, you were a man to save face.
Taking a man away is an "oath of sovereignty".
This creates a good basis for your next negotiations.
When they got home, did they talk well?
She nodded and said, it was okay, I endured not saying anything, just listened to him, and then I wrote this letter to save my feelings.
Next, let's analyze whether this letter can be effective.
Wife:
- Husband: Let me call you that one last time.
The day before yesterday, I saw her in the mall coquettish in your arms, and you kissed her affectionately.
That moment ruined our relationship for so many years.
I'll take you home and talk all night long.
I cried, I shouted, but today, I can write to you calmly.
I want to divorce, and I made a decision that was made in a completely calm and rational situation.
Mr. Lu: This passage can be scored 100 points. Point out the incident and the great damage it has done to you and your marriage. At the same time, the posture of "retreating" is used to let men experience the panic of "loss".
Wife: I mentioned the divorce because I finally woke up, and your betrayal made me see clearly your ruthlessness and indifference to me in the past 8 years.
You said that she was a graduate of 98, although she was young, but her personality was more cheerful than mine, and she could make you "like a spring breeze".
I remember that you had a similar comment about me back then, and I also married you after graduating from college and gave birth to a son and a daughter. My skin has deteriorated, my personality has deteriorated, don't you know what the reason is?
If you let this little girl wash the dirty clothes that were thrown all over the place, go to the in-laws who were paralyzed in the bed to poop and urinate for 3 months, give birth to two children, experience a day of difficult birth, cesarean section, postpartum depression, stay alone in the empty room every day, clean the room, face the cold violence of a man, and try to live for 8 years?
Have you forgotten all the vows you made to me back then? When you first got married, you said that you always couldn't get enough of me and wanted to love me for the rest of your life.
But after 2 years of marriage, you say that we are old husbands and wives, and if I want to hug you, you will push you away......
There used to be a similar plot, it happened 8 years ago, and now our relationship is only a chicken feather, you just toss, you like the new and hate the old like this, and if you reincarnate again, you will understand how ridiculous you are!
You say she is your spiritual partner, you are not feeling well, she buys you a scarf, how many clothes have I bought you over the years, when you are sick, how do you take care of you?
I've seen your phone, and you've already transferred 30w to her, and for the money, of course she's good to you!
But what have you bought me all these years? What have you done for your children all these years?
After 8 years of marriage, you don't even know the class your child attends.
You take everything so naturally that you think that things at home will be cleaned up by yourself, meals are conjured out of thin air, and your children's learning is automatic?
Everything she says is fragrant, and you feel cool even scolding you, but when I complain, you think I'm a shrew?
Before I got married, I wasn't as elegant and noble as her, and now I have become a resentful woman, a wicked woman, an abandoned woman......
You say, do you choose her or me?
Stop, stop!
For this small act, Mr. Lu's score is -100 points, and his wife successfully argues that the man is "the first scumbag in the world".
It succeeded in triggering the anger of the man, who at this point either wanted to quarrel with his wife or simply wanted to run away from home.
The purpose of the essay is actually 2 points:
1. Make men feel guilty
2. Let the man want to make it up to you from the bottom of his heart.
Many wives may feel that the above little essay is written "heartily", and this knife pierces the man's heart "blood", doesn't this trigger his guilt?
If you think so, you couldn't be more wrong.
The key to making a man guilty is not to give him a bad review, but to lead him to be a good person.
Many wives just overestimate men, in fact, most men who betray are not high in emotional intelligence.
A woman with real high emotional intelligence is "backward compatible".
That is, to guide the man and make him feel that it is easier to be a good person, then he will do what you say.
And human nature is like that, if you accuse me, my first reaction will always be to justify and fight back.
I rewrote it for the students:
You tell me?
There are a few key points in this conversation.
1. Don't talk about men's mistakes, only talk about your own cognition. Don't talk about men's mistakes, let a man let down his defense, he can naturally accept your influence, only talk about his own cognition, is to raise his own "price", so that men realize that you are completely different from the past. You are not a resentful woman, but a self-reliant woman.
2. Don't let the man choose, but you have to make the choice. The essence of marriage is the power struggle, one of the battlefields is called "the right to speak", when you let the man make the choice, you automatically come to the "low position", the real senior woman, is to use her own choice to promote the man's choice.
Your choice is free, you can be separated or combined, it depends on what the man does.
The purpose is to make the man realize that he has no other way out, because you have shown your will to fight, and not a lamb to the slaughter waiting for him to decide his fate.
In the middle of the night, I saw my husband wiping tears from his mobile phone in the light, and the next day, the husband, who had always been high, found his wife and begged her for forgiveness.
My wife smiled and asked me, Mr. Lu, I finally got back the lead.
I said that this is only the first step to redeem, and then you have to follow my "key negotiations" and let the man go through it step by step, so that your marriage can really be "settled".
Half a year later, my wife sent me a family photo, and she wrote: For the first time in 8 years, I have experienced what it means to be happy from the heart. Thank you, Mr. Lu.