Those children with a strong sense of happiness often have such parents standing behind them, and it has nothing to do with whether they have money or not
Author: Xiao Tian, the main creative group
"Is it too much to buy a 700 yuan skirt for a child?"
Recently, I saw such a post on Weibo.
On her eighteenth birthday, a girl fell in love with a dress at the mall.
The skirt was particularly beautiful, but the price of 700 yuan discouraged the girl. For this reason, she was entangled, but she didn't want to tell her parents, so she went online to ask for help.
Many netizens gave the girl warm wishes, and there was a message that was particularly moving.
The respondent was a mother. She did not hesitate to say that she was willing to buy the dress and give it to the girl.
And between the lines, this mother's eloquent expression pierced everyone's heart-
She is so empathetic and knows that this dress means a lot to girls, it means confidence, and it is also a memory of youth and beauty, so adults must not easily deny this desire.
She is so open-minded and loving. In her opinion, whether a 700 yuan skirt is expensive or not is a matter of opinion, but as a mother, if she can spend 700 yuan to make her lovely daughter happy, she thinks it is worth it.
And her concept of parenting is also very positive. She doesn't want the child she loves so much, even if she wants to buy a dress, she doesn't dare to tell her parents:
"No matter how right the parents feel and how good they are for their children, if the children are unwilling to communicate with their parents and dare not confide in their parents, then the parents have completely failed. ”
She firmly believes that loving contentment will enrich a child's heart:
"We can't let our children be extravagant and wasteful, but we also don't want them to fall into a material desert. Since childhood, there has been a shortage of materials, and at some stage when I grow up, I will desperately compensate myself, but I may not be able to fill the hole of the year. ”
After reading the post, I was deeply touched. As a child, how fortunate it is to have such parents!
In this way, their needs are fully seen, their wishes are met as much as possible, and their self-esteem is cared for...... This love is destined to bless the child to grow up fearlessly and calmly.
As parents, we may do our best to ensure that our children can live a safe and happy life. But in fact, parents can do the following three sentences, so that children can embrace happiness can be very simple.
"No matter what happens, I love you unconditionally"
What kind of love is "unconditional"?
I think of the story of Kazuo Inamori, a famous Japanese entrepreneur. When he was a child, he was a particularly difficult child, "willful at home, cowardly outside, crying at every turn, timid by nature but willful."
For this, he earned the nickname "Three-Hour Slug", which worries the grown-ups.
However, his mother's attitude towards him was consistent. In the book "Mother's Teachings Changed My Life", Kazuo Inamori writes:
"If it is an ordinary mother, in the face of a child who only knows how to be spoiled in order to get her attention and care, and even kicks the door and pulls the window, she will generally reprimand or blame her fiercely. But my mother wouldn't be like that at all, she would just say 'what an annoying child' and accept me like this. ”
It was his mother's way of education that accompanied Kazuo Inamori throughout his childhood with a great sense of security, and he remains a huge spiritual pillar to this day.
He was convinced that he had grown up wrapped in a deep mother's love. And this love also became the greatest energy for him to become a talent later.
In fact, almost all parents love their children. But in this love, we may unconsciously incorporate a lot of utilitarian elements.
In real life, have you ever said something like this to your child:
"If you don't study hard, I won't like you!"
"As long as you have good grades and make your mother happy, then I will promise you everything. ”
"Disobedient children, who wants?"
……
In the book "The Art of Love", it is written:
"Love earned by hard work is often suspicious, and often painfully felt: I am loved because I make the other person happy, not out of my own volition—in the final analysis, I am not loved, but needed. ”
Over time, children will form the concept that "Mom and Dad love me not me, but my grades and honors." And the damage caused by this is also indelible.
I can't help but think of a news I saw before, a 14-year-old girl in Shanghai jumped off a building and committed suicide, leaving a thousand-word suicide note to her parents.
The words she wrote in her suicide note were heart-wrenching:
"It's not me you love, it's me who rushed into the top 10 of the class, me who ranked in the top 20 of the grade, and I got a perfect score. ”
[ Swipe left and right ]
Love, once with chips, is destined to become heavy.
It should be emphasized that the "unconditional love" of parents does not mean "love without rules", nor does it mean that they are obedient to their children and have no requirements.
"Love unconditionally, teach principledly. This is the best gift for children's growth.
"You might as well have a new dream, you don't have to have me in that dream"
When it comes to Bill Gates, in addition to the labels of "Microsoft" and "the former richest man in the world", his rebellious move of dropping out of Harvard to start a business when he was a student is also destined to be an inescapable topic.
At that time, many people did not understand his choice and were not optimistic about his career at all. Some people even questioned what this young man who had only been in college for two years could do.
However, Gates' parents were unusually generous and open-minded. After learning about their son's true thoughts, instead of opposing and hindering him, they firmly supported him. His mother, Mary, even used her savings to fund his business.
In the book "How Gates Was Raised", my father Gates Sr. wrote: "I never said to my children, 'Be like me in the future,' or 'Don't live like me,' our code has always been to do our best and pursue our dreams." ”
Children will eventually fly alone, and what parents have to do is to let go in time.
After all, children are not our replicas, and they need to have the final say in their lives.
However, in real life, too many children are expected to be obedient and obedient. They are controlled by their parents and lose the initiative in their lives.
After watching an animated short film "The Inheritor", the little boy was deprived of all hobbies and freedom by his parents, and could only study hard according to their wishes.
He passively accepted all the arrangements, and step by step ascended the passage paved with books and awards.
At this time, the camera turned, and the boy's parents appeared. I saw them pulling the string tied to their son, and a satisfied smile appeared on their faces—
It turned out that everything the boy saw was a set made by his parents, and he himself was a puppet in the hands of his parents!
I can't help but feel how suffocating such an authoritarian and powerful love is, which will eventually turn our children into puppets.
American psychologist Susan Stiefelman pointed out: "Parents should be 'captain-type parents', full of love and clarity towards their children, provide constructive advice at critical moments, and be confident and calm and responsible for their children." ”
In fact, truly wise parents are such "captain-type parents". They will guide them in the big direction and let go of the small details, and will respect their children's choices and give timely help and support.
For example, the famous Hong Kong singer Chen Meiling, who sent all three sons to Stanford University. When she shared her educational experience, she emphasized that one point in particular is not to make choices for children.
As Haysan's poem "To My Child":
"You are not my hope, you are your own hope. Why don't you have a new dream, and you don't have to have me in that dream. I love you, my child, but that's about it. ”
"On the road of growth, I am willing to accompany you to continue to get better"
I once saw such a news.
In order to stimulate his sixth-grade daughter's interest in ancient literature, a father in Ningbo, Zhejiang Province, spent more than 20 days rewriting his father's and daughter's favorite cartoon "Spirited Away" into a 7,000-word classical Chinese.
Seeing her father writing ancient Chinese, the girl was also eager to try, and she wrote a "Summer" in ancient Chinese, and her performance was quite good.
Speaking of his daughter's achievements, the father said that he mainly relies on words and deeds to educate his children. As long as the child is at home, he will try not to watch TV, and if he does, he will also watch some documentaries and classic anime works.
Since childhood, father and daughter have been "studying" together every night, and when the child is doing homework in the study, he will sit quietly by the side and read a book. In his opinion, this is not for supervision, but for companionship.
I can't help but think of a quote from the writer Tolstoy:
"All education, or 999 out of 1,000 education, is due to example, to the uprightness and perfection of the parents themselves. ”
When we do a good job ourselves, children will naturally get a positive influence in the ears and eyes.
In the book "Lifelong Growth", there is a concept called "growth mindset", the core meaning of which is that "people's abilities and intelligence are changing and can be expanded".
In terms of family education, parents with a growth mindset are more open and optimistic, willing to continuously improve themselves and accept various parenting challenges, and when faced with parenting problems, they can take the initiative to find solutions from their own perspective, and improve and grow together with their children.
In other words, this is what education is really all about – awakening one soul to another. This moisturizing is silent, but it reaches the nourishment of the soul, and will eventually benefit the child for a lifetime.