I don't know if you have ever had such an experience: the other party didn't reply to your messages for a long time, and you began to think crankily, thinking that he didn't love you anymore, that he had someone outside, and then fell into helpless, painful negative emotions, and then began to bombard him with text messages and phone calls?
Before, I had a student who was always like this, not long after entering a relationship, he became a loser, worried that the other party would leave him and betray him, and talked about several relationships because of this, and in the end the other party was impatient with her, and then ended the relationship.
Why do you always suffer from gains and losses in your relationship, and are afraid that the other person will leave you? The main reasons are as follows:
1. You take feelings too seriously
Some girls are love brains, they don't care about anything when they fall in love, they put all their time and energy on each other, regard feelings as the whole of life, and lose their original social circle, it seems that as long as there is him in the world, it will be fine.
But it's because you take your relationship too seriously, so once the other party behaves abnormally, you will unconsciously think about things in a bad direction, worrying that he will leave you.
If you take the relationship too seriously, in fact, it is equivalent to you giving the other party the lead, then you are the passive party, once there is a little trouble, for example, you have a conflict, there is a quarrel, you will easily fall into uneasiness, afraid that your behavior will make the other party leave.
You really don't need to attach too much importance to a relationship, it should be the icing on the cake in your life, even if it loses its impact, it shouldn't be much. You will live your own life, calm your mind, accept it calmly if you lose, and believe that someone will fall in love with the original you.
2. Lack of love, not believing that you are worthy of love
This is the lack of love in the process of growing up, or that she is always denied and criticized, and few people give her affirmation, so she will gradually feel that she is not worthy of love, and this mentality will also extend to the emotional model later.
For example, they don't believe in love easily, so after entering a relationship, they will look at the man with a magnifying glass, and if the other person doesn't give them the feedback they want, they will feel that the other person doesn't love them enough. Then try all kinds of methods to test the other party, hoping to prove that the other party loves you.
However, the more this is done, the results tend to be quite different from what was expected. You want the other person to prove your love, but the other person chooses to end the relationship. In fact, this is related to the "labeling effect" in psychology, the more you feel that the other person does not love you, and you label him as not loving you, the more likely he will develop in the direction you think.
Men are very realistic, in the process of getting along, if you give the other party a bad feeling, he will feel that his contribution is not accepted, then he will naturally withdraw his feelings.
The premise of being loved is to know how to love yourself, and you have to believe that you are worthy of love. When you are able to give yourself enough security, you will know what kind of relationship you want.
3. The other party is emotionally indifferent to you, and you can't feel the other party's love
What does that mean? It's that you're really a couple, but you can't feel his love for you, but you have no feelings, it seems to have some feelings, in short, it's more complicated. As an example, you might understand better.
For example, he won't take the initiative to share his life with you, but what if you send him a message and he will reply, if you ask him out, he will come, if you want him to help do something, he will do it, and even if he finds out that you are angry, he will come and coax you and ask you for forgiveness.
To put it simply, you will feel some distance between you, and you don't seem to be that close to each other. So you test him in some way, trying to prove that he loves you and make you closer. But what you seem to do is of little use, and he is still like this, and he will even get bored with you.
In the process, you will become more and more tired, and you will even doubt yourself. But I want you to understand that the problem is not with you, it is with him who is emotionally ignoring you. Why is this happening?
If that's the case, ask yourself, is he the partner you want, and if the answer is yes, then manage it so that he is attracted to you, fascinated by you, and has a long-term and stable intimate relationship.
But if you also have doubts about the current relationship, maybe calm down, separate from each other for a while, and think about where the relationship is going. Sometimes, it's a good idea to let go.
4. The wrong way for parents to get along with each other has affected you
I still remember a girl who confided in me before, she said that when she was a child, she really hated her parents quarreling, and at that time she made up her mind that she would get married and have children in the future, and never be the same as her parents, but now she has become like that unconsciously, and she often quarrels with her husband because of a little thing, and sometimes even the emotions will extend to the child.
She said: "I didn't realize that I had the same problems as my parents, until there was a big fight between the two of them, they said everything, and almost got divorced, and then I knew that I subconsciously learned the way my parents get along." ”
There should be many people in life who are like this, obviously don't like some shortcomings in their parents, but in the end they all learn from themselves, and they don't even realize it.
At this time,
The above is an analysis of the reasons why you suffer from gains and losses in your relationship, and I hope you can face up to your problems and build a good relationship.