Introduction
Every parent expects their child to "repay the favor", but sometimes it seems that the child is more like he is here to "collect debts".
However, it is very heart-wrenching that whether the child is here to "repay the favor" or to "collect debts" can be seen from the time of birth!
01
The same mother gave birth to different babies, one "repays the favor" and the other "collects debts"
When the two boys in the best friend's family grew up, they showed completely different personalities, which made the parents feel the huge contrast of "one comes to repay the favor and the other comes to collect debts".
The eldest has been unusually quiet since she was pregnant, and her girlfriend even wondered many times if he was still moving. As a baby, the eldest is well-behaved and quiet, and is characterized by sleeping when he eats and eating when he sleeps. At the age of 6 months, girlfriends are able to enjoy the peace of the baby all night long.
The boss is even more worry-free after going to school, and has always existed as a top student, and almost no extra care is needed. However, such a worry-free boss ushered in the opposite second child for the family.
During pregnancy, the second child rolled in the mother's body, especially when the outside world was noisy or music was playing, the second child seemed to be in the stomach for fierce boxing training, which brought great trouble to the girlfriend.
And once the second child arrived, the shrill cry was accompanied by endless restlessness, which lasted until he was about 2 years old and began to sleep all night.
The second child's learning and behavior are even more annoying to his girlfriends. In kindergarten, the teacher raised concerns about the possibility of ADHD. After entering primary school, the second child not only had trouble fidgeting, but also had a very good skin, and his academic performance could only be maintained at a moderate level.
Whenever parents receive a call from the teacher, they dare not act rashly, for fear that the next moment they will be provoked by this "debt collection" little guy.
The girlfriend deeply regretted that she had expected to have a child who would "repay her kindness", but she unexpectedly got a headache "debt collection" son. This made them deeply aware that greedily expecting a child to be a "reciprocating kindness" may bring unforeseen troubles, and they should be more rational when giving birth to the variables of life.
02
Is there a basis for whether the child is a "revenge baby" or a "debt collection baby" when it is born?
According to medical experts, the characteristics that a child exhibits at birth are often indicative of subsequent personality development. This also partly explains why there is such a huge difference between the eldest and second in infancy.
In the case of the best friend, the frequent fetal movements and crying of the second child in infancy, as well as the later hyperactivity and lack of concentration, seem to imply a high-demand baby.
The quiet and regular life of the boss is more in line with the characteristics of low-demand babies. This makes us start to think about whether high-demand babies are more likely to become "debt collection babies", while low-demand babies are more likely to be "revenge babies".
High-needs babies vs. low-needs babies
Studies have shown that high-demand babies are often more likely to become "debt collectors". These babies can be more difficult to care for in infancy and require more parental attention and response.
In the case of best friends, the needs of the second child are indeed higher, from the frequent fetal movements during pregnancy, to the crying of the baby, and then to the later hyperactivity and learning difficulties, all seem to confirm this theory.
In contrast, the eldest is a low-demand baby, easier to meet and more able to self-regulate. His quiet and excellent academic performance are in line with the characteristics of a low-demand baby.
This leads us to wonder if parents are able to better understand and meet their children's developmental needs based on their level of needs, so as to guide them in a more positive direction.
03
The influence of the family environment on the child's personality
When discussing the factors that contribute to the formation of a child's personality, one has to take into account the influence of the family environment on the child. In the case of the best friend's family, the parents' different reactions to the two children may deepen the differences in their personalities.
For the second child, the parents may feel more anxious and frustrated, leading to further deterioration of his learning and behavior problems. For the eldest child, parents may be more inclined to praise and support to help him develop better.
This led us to recognise that the positive and negative effects of the family environment can play a crucial role in shaping a child's character. In order to avoid excessive anxiety and negative emotions adversely affecting their children, parents need to be more rational and calm about their children's personality traits in order to better guide their development.
Through case studies, we found that children's personalities are not static, but may change as they grow. This further emphasizes the importance of homeschooling.
When guiding their children's character development, parents should pay attention to education and guidance in the later stage. Overemphasizing the characteristics of a child's early performance may be an unnecessary anxiety, and parents should pay more attention to later education to better meet the child's developmental needs.
Combined with the reality of family education, we call on parents to maintain understanding, care and correct guidance in the process of children's growth. Through teaching children according to their aptitude, we provide a good family environment according to the actual situation of children, establish a positive parent-child relationship, and provide good conditions for children to grow. Understanding, caring and correct guidance are the keys to cultivating a healthy and positive personality in children's growth.
A message from Guo's mother
Whether a child is a "debt collector" or a "debt collector" is not static, but may change as he grows up. The initial signs may give parents some reference, but eventually the formation of personality is influenced by a combination of factors.
When educating their children, parents should teach them according to their actual conditions, create a good family environment, establish a positive parent-child relationship, and provide good conditions for their children's growth. Understanding, caring and correct guidance are the keys to cultivating a healthy and positive personality in children's growth.
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About author:Guo Ma, a family education instructor, focuses on sharing parenting knowledge, parent-child education experience, marriage and family insights, welcome to pay attention.