I have been doing marriage emotional counseling for more than ten years, and if I were asked what my biggest feeling was, what I would like to say is:
In fact, there has never been a couple in the world who are born with a special match, and those couples who are in love and live their lives like poetry are just scenery in the eyes of outsiders.
Because, as long as you get a little closer, you will find that marriage is actually a trip to the catastrophe together, the bottom of the pot is ash, and all the white-headed old people and accompany each other for a lifetime have to go through nine hundred and eighty-one difficulties, constantly fighting monsters and upgrading, and finally can make merits and achieve positive results.
But despite this, why do I still urge everyone to enter into marriage? There is only one reason, and that is that for the vast majority of us ordinary people, marriage is really the best dojo.
Why do I say that marriage is the best dojo? Because it encompasses all aspects of life, and it also carries almost all of life and human nature, oil, salt, sauce and vinegar, trivialities, joys and sorrows, joys and sorrows, all of which will conform to the time and humanity, and arrange them for you one by one in an ingenious way, and it is full of philosophy and deep meaning.
This reminds me of a short article I saw on the Internet some time ago - "8 Stages for Couples to Experience":
1. Passion period: newlywed Yan'er, extremely sweet;
2. Run-in period: 1-2 years, conflicts and disappointments emerge, testing the strength of the marriage;
3. Rebellious period: 3-7 years, quarrels, many couples parted ways at this stage, fulfilling the saying "seven-year itch";
4. Cooperation period: 7-13 years, couples who have gone through the rebellious period begin to learn together and work together for the family;
5. Restructuring period: about 15 years, love and marriage are transformed into family affection, and there is no substitute for each other;
6. Crisis period: about 20 years after marriage, facing challenges such as accidents, illness or death of parents, and children's work problems;
7. Perfect period: 30 years after marriage, enjoy a perfect life, and the "wife" becomes the most intimate partner;
8. Fulfillment: 50 years after marriage, celebrate the golden wedding, and the marriage is happy and harmonious.
You see how tempting the passion and sweetness of the newlywed Yan'er are, but because of this, we who were shallow at that time were not intimidated by the truth of marriage, and resolutely dared to go into marriage.
To put it in layman's terms, this is called giving you a little sweetness first, but as everyone knows, the cultivation of your life has just begun, and there are still a lot of trials and calamities waiting for you in the future.
As a result, there was a run-in period and a rebellious period later. Although these two periods are relatively difficult and have drowned thousands of troops, you must know that this is a necessary path that all couples must go through together.
Because these two periods not only allow you to see each other more authentically, but also allow you to see yourself from different angles, different identities, and different living conditions, and urge you to improve yourself, reach cooperation, grow together, and achieve higher cultivation in life through continuous reflection and communication.
After that, you will enter the cooperative period of marriage. At this time, you will find that cooperation is the greatest benefit, and acceptance is the best practice.
Therefore, it is natural for you to guard against arrogance and rashness, give up your machismo and princess temper, and you will always and everywhere, in the form of marriage, associate the other party and everything related to each other with yourself, cooperate sincerely, complement each other's strengths, and achieve better each other.
Then, after working together for a long time, you will form a habit and a stereotype mentally, emotionally, and even in the way of thinking.
You will find that you are more and more inseparable from each other, even if you listen to his nagging, even if you quarrel with him, even if he is watching you do things from the side, even if you are speechless, you feel that it is a kind of stability and steadfastness......
Then, at this time, I want to congratulate you, because you have finally completed the most crucial part of the marriage practice - the gorgeous transformation of the marriage restructuring period. That is: between you and him, it is no longer just a simple love, but there is a family relationship that blood is thicker than water, broken bones and tendons.
Still, it doesn't work out. Because, after going through the previous period of passion, running-in, rebellion, cooperation and reorganization, you have only solved your own internal problems, but from the outside, and many problems that you must experience in life, are still major issues that you must go through.
Therefore, with the gorgeous turn of the reorganization period and the foreshadowing of family affection, life will also be relatively "more assured" to arrange various tests for you in the "crisis period". During this period, you will experience unprecedented and cruel trials in terms of career, economy and health, family changes, and children's education, work and family issues.
The only and most powerful weapon you have at this time is that your husband and wife are united in their encouragement and cooperation. And only with this, your life will be less painful and more persevering, less lonely and more hopeful!
Of course, you can also understand this as a reward for marriage. Because, compared to those who have not entered into marriage, and those who have ended in marriage a long time ago, you are really much more relaxed and happy.
As for the latter period of perfection and consummation, to be honest, at my age, I have not experienced it, and even in my previous counseling cases, I have hardly seen it (because they themselves have already become a refinement, so why do they need to consult me?), so I am not qualified to say more here.
But I can be sure that at their age, their partner is their greatest wealth in life, no matter how many hardships they have experienced in life, how many quarrels they have had, they will definitely thank each other from the bottom of their hearts!