Do you often encounter such confusion?
The more you tolerate others, the more you treat people with all your heart and lungs, the more people don't cherish you and look down on you?
The truth is, you can only be blamed!
Blame you for setting up a "cheap person" persona.
Because it's cheap, it's a person who can step on you, and then it won't pay any price. Think about it, who doesn't want to bully you? Take advantage of it?
In any relationship, it is two-sided, and the bad side will never be absent from your contribution. Because we have subconsciously mapped a wrong signal to the outside world, I am weak and can be bullied.
Kindness must have a scale, otherwise it will only put you in a passive situation. If there is no principle in compromise, it will wantonly encourage others to do evil to you.
The forest is full of people, and the people are unpredictable. When we walk in the world, we must not only have the heart of a bodhisattva, but also have the means of vajra.
If you don't be a cheap person, you can avoid consuming yourself to the greatest extent.
01, blindly tolerating is not a pattern, it is the first step to becoming a cheap person
孔子曰：“小不忍则乱大谋。 ”
A person, if he is calculating everywhere and does not have a little sand in his eyes, will be defined as narrow-minded, which is not a good thing.
If you tolerate everything, cater to others everywhere, don't stick to your bottom line, don't dare to refute easily, and be honest and obedient, then congratulations, it won't be long before you become a soft persimmon in the hearts of others. Any bad and difficult things will be forced on you as a matter of course, but the benefits are not you.
A little story about my friend Li Liu.
Li Liu has a friend, both of whom are trying to survive in the city, and together they have faced many challenges and difficulties in life. Li Liu thinks that such a friend should be cherished, and he will pay for the dinner between the two, and even take the bus.
As long as Li Liu is there, his friends don't have to pay a penny.
As time went by, Li Liu's friend also got married, and during the Spring Festival vacation, his friend brought his son over to meet a few brothers, and Li Liu gave 200 yuan in cash as a meeting gift, and Li Liu's salary was only more than 300 a month.
At the dinner table, my friend's face has always been not good-looking, saying that in their local area, it usually starts at a thousand, and Li Liu had to drink with a smiling face, and it was Li Liu who paid in the end.
Once his son was sick and hospitalized, he repeatedly called Li Liu to take care of him, Li Liu happened to be the head chef of a restaurant, and this time he left, the restaurant would definitely not be able to operate. After going to the hospital to take care of him for two or three days, the boss decisively settled his salary and let Li Liu leave.
During that time, Li Liu also began to reflect on the fact that as long as there were his friends involved, he was in tatters.
Friends were consuming his quality of life!
The writer Zou Jian once said: "If you can endure the dust, the other party will dare to consume all your energy unscrupulously." ”
They know that you can endure it, and even if it makes you uncomfortable, you will choose to put up with it.
Over time, your boundless kindness and tolerance will package you as a "cheap person".
02, pay without a bottom line, and can be treated equally in exchange
In life, we always think that giving is the magic weapon to pull into the relationship. As the old saying goes: wealth is scattered, people gather, wealth gathers people.
So he treats people well without a bottom line, thinking that in this way he can get an equal response from the other party. As everyone knows, there are many cute species in this world, why has the panda become a national treasure?
Most of the things that come for free are not cherished, and there is a saying in our hometown, "The children who are picked up are kicked as a ball." That's what I mean.
Not long ago, I listened to a female literary friend in the north complain and felt deep sympathy.
Under the control of his parents, Wenyou got married and had children early.
After marriage, in order to take better care of her husband and children, she put down her pen and paper, tied an apron, and became a housewife with salt, tea, rice and oil all day long.
Every day, I make breakfast early, wait for my husband, and send my children to school. Over the past few years, she has turned herself into a yellow-faced woman.
No, I just sent my child to live in high school, and I thought it was easy, but my husband was not worried about it. Her husband had an affair, and when he came home, he didn't like her horizontally and vertically, and he was clamoring for a divorce.
In order for the child to have a complete home, even if she suffered too much and was reluctant in her heart, she still chose to go against the grain. What I thought in my heart was, as long as you don't bring the woman home, you can play with it outside.
But instead of getting the prodigal son back, she was insulted by her husband even more. But even so, Wenyou still chose to endure.
couldn't stand the teasing of flowers outside, and her husband insisted on divorce. After the divorce, Wenyou changed her weak appearance in the past, and when she encountered something that hurt herself, who should she scold, who to scold, who to fight, to fight. The people of the whole world didn't dare to provoke her easily, but respected her.
Wenyou has now become a contracted writer on many websites, and his life has undergone a qualitative transformation.
Why do people always treat you inappropriately? Have you ever reflected on the fact that you have half of the credit for this, who would dare to speak to you easily if you showed your fangs at the beginning?
The cat's paws are thorny, and they are not designed to scratch anyone, but to protect themselves.
Make your attitude clear and find your bottom line, so that others will not dare to bully you easily.
03, don't be a cheap person, start from "not easy to mess with".
As a human being, you can be wholehearted and good, but you can't tolerate everything. Excessive forbearance is a "soft persimmon" that can be manipulated by others.
As a person, you can not hurt others, but you must have "edges and corners", and be a person who is not easy to mess with, so that people will not dare to hurt you easily. Take yourself seriously, and others will take you seriously.
It's not easy to mess with, it's not to make you a high-flying and invincible person, but to stick to the bottom line consciousness.
In the face of difficult things, you must know how to refuse directly, do not express them tactfully, not everyone can empathize.
For those who have gained an inch, if they are wronged, you must dare to stand up and fight back as soon as possible, so that there will be no second injury.
Don't take anything too seriously. If the earth leaves, everyone will turn, you have to believe that there is always a way for you to live in this world, what are you afraid of?
There is a sentence in "The Silent Majority", which is very pertinent: "People have two major obligations in the world, one is to be a good man, and the other is not to get used to other people's stinky problems." ”
The end of a person's life is destined to be a tragedy, and we enjoy the process of living, so learning to please ourselves is the most important thing to do in this life.
In any relationship, don't let yourself fall for the price. When you become "not easy to mess with", you will find that the whole world is pleasant......