My name is Li Qing, and I have been in love with my boyfriend Zhang Wei for seven years, and our relationship is like the smog of this city, which I can't see clearly or understand.
Zhang Wei is a programmer, usually busy with work and doesn't talk much, but I always thought that this was all he had. Until recently, he had become mysterious, always making excuses not to see each other, and his voice on the phone was getting colder and colder.
That night, I stood downstairs at his house, looking at the closed door, and my heart was mixed.
I knew it wasn't right to sneak in like that, but I really wanted to see him, to know what was going on. The dim glow of the streetlights shone on my face, and I felt a tingling pain, and it was tears that blurred my eyes.
I dialed his phone, and there was the sound of a busy keypad tapping on the other end of the line. "Qing, I'm working overtime, is there something wrong?" his voice was as calm as water, but it made me feel a sense of distance that I had never felt before.
"I'm downstairs at your house, can I see you?" I tried to make my voice sound strong, but the tremor in my words betrayed my uneasiness.
There was silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds, and then he said, "I'm sorry, Qing, not tonight, the project is too busy." ”
Hanging up, I hugged myself tightly as the night breeze blew through and took away the last vestiges of my illusions. I don't know what the future holds for us, but I know I can't just give up on our seven-year relationship. I'm going to find out the truth, no matter what the outcome is.
Since that night, Zhang Wei has had fewer phone calls, and his messages have always been perfunctory.
I began to wonder if his busyness was real, or if it was just an excuse to avoid me. In the photos in the circle of friends, he is always with others, smiling, as if there is no existence of me in life at all.
I tried to make excuses for myself, maybe he was too busy, maybe he just needed a little space.
But a woman's instinct tells me that it's not that simple. I started asking around, asking mutual friends, and even occasionally waiting for him on his way from work, hoping to run into him.
However, every time it was in vain, it was as if he had really disappeared from this world.
One night, I was walking alone down the street, and the cold wind made me shiver. I looked up at the familiar streetscapes, every brick, every window, as if laughing at my helplessness.
I think back to the days when we used to walk here, and how big we smiled back then. Now, I'm the only one left wandering around.
I decided not to wait any longer, I was going to take action. I'm going to take a look at his company and maybe find some clues.
I took out my phone and rummaged through the names in my address book, looking for a colleague who might know Zhang Wei. Fingers slid across the screen, each name like a lifesaver, and I clung to it, hoping they would give me a glimmer of hope.
I decided to go to Zhang Wei's company, and I was both nervous and excited. I know this might upset Zhang, but I have to.
Passing through the bustling crowd, I came to the bottom of his office building. It is a modern building with a glass façade that reflects the dazzling sunlight. I took a deep breath and plucked up the courage to walk down the hall.
The receptionist at the front desk looked at me and politely asked, "Hello, is there anything I can do to help you?" and I made up an excuse that I was here to talk to Zhang Wei about work.
She smiled slightly and dialed Zhang Wei's office number. My heart began to beat wildly, and my palms were sweaty, for fear that he would actually answer the phone.
Luckily, it was his colleague's voice on the other end of the line that he was out for a meeting. I breathed a sigh of relief and said to the receptionist that it was okay, I had something urgent and would come back next time.
When I turned to leave, I had mixed feelings. I was glad that I didn't face Zhang Wei directly, and I was a little disappointed that I didn't find him.
Walking out of the building, I stood on the side of the road, watching the endless stream of traffic, and my heart was empty. I didn't know what to do, so I just walked aimlessly.
I remembered the first time we met, and how passionate and sincere he was at that time. Now, that's all changed, so strange.
I pulled out my phone and looked through his circle of friends, hoping to find some clues. However, apart from those inconsequential dynamics, nothing was found.
I felt a sense of powerlessness, could it be that our relationship ended silently? No, I couldn't accept that. I have to find out the truth, no matter what the cost.
One afternoon a few days later, I came to Zhang Wei's company again. This time, instead of going into the lobby, I went around to the small garden at the back of the office building, hoping to find out some news from another angle.
Sunlight shines through the gaps in the leaves and dappled onto the ground. I sat down on a bench and watched the employees come in and out.
Just then, a uniformed security guard came up to me, looked at me and asked, "What are you doing here, lady?" I stammered that I was here for a friend, but apparently he didn't believe it.
The security guard sighed, looked around, and whispered to me, "You're here to find Zhang Wei, right? I don't think it's the first time you've been here." I nodded, not knowing what to say.
The security guard shook his head, with a hint of sympathy in his tone: "Zhang Wei is a good young man, but he has indeed been a little wrong recently. I can't bear to see you like this. The stone in my heart fell to the ground, and I hurriedly asked, "Something is wrong, do you know what happened to him?"
The security guard looked around and lowered his voice: "I've heard that he's been absent-minded lately, and sometimes I'll see girls coming to him." "My heart was cut when I heard this, but at least I knew a little clue.
I thanked the security guard and left the garden. As I walked home, my heart was heavy. The security guard's words made me even more convinced that there must be some reason behind Zhang Wei's change.
I decided not to run away from it and to face it head-on. I need to have a good talk with Zhang Wei, and no matter what the outcome is, I want to know the truth.
Finally, I mustered up the courage to call Zhang Wei and tell him that I wanted to talk to him. There was silence on the other end of the line for a moment, then he agreed. We met at a quiet café that used to be our favorite place.
Pushing open the door, I saw that Zhang Wei was already sitting in the corner. He looked a little tired, his eyes dodging. I walked over and sat across from him. The aroma of coffee was in the air, but the atmosphere between us was icy.
I looked him straight in the eye and asked straight to the point, "What is the problem between us?" Zhang Wei lowered his head, was silent for a while, and then raised his head to look at me, with an indescribable pain in his eyes.
"Haru, I'm sorry for you. His voice was low and hoarse, "I'm in love with someone else." These words exploded in my heart like a bombshell, and I felt a wave of vertigo. I can't believe it's true, and that's how our seven years ended.
Holding back tears, I asked him, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?" and he shook his head with a wry smile: "I don't know what to say, I'm afraid of hurting you." ”
I stood up, not wanting to listen any more. I felt a sense of loneliness and hopelessness that I had never felt before. I walked out of the café and down the deserted street, my heart empty.
I knew it would take me time to digest it all and come to terms with this harsh reality. But I also knew that I had to start my life all over again. This relationship is a thing of the past, and I have to look forward.
After that painful night, I hid in my room for days, unwilling to see anyone. The messages from my friends were like wind chimes in the distance, reminding me that there was a world out there.
But that world has lost its color to me. I felt a deep sense of loss and emptiness.
The two of us have been separated for half a year, and we haven't paid attention to him deliberately in the past six months, but we just came out of it.
Zhang Wei and I were high school classmates, and I didn't know how we met when we were sophomores in high school, and then we quickly became lovers. We have experienced a lot, and our feelings have been divided and combined, and we have gone through 7 years.
I didn't expect that 7 years of getting along would end on such a day, however, things did not end with me.
One day half a year later, I received a call from Zhang Wei. He said he wanted to see me and had something to say. I hesitated for a long time, but finally agreed.
We sat down on a park bench, surrounded by the laughter of children and the sparkling waters of the lake in the distance. But none of these beautiful sights could warm my heart.
Zhang Wei looked at me, his eyes full of guilt: "Qing, I know that I have done a lot of things wrong, and I have hurt you." But I really regret it. If I could, I would like to spend my whole life making up for it. ”
I listened to his words with mixed feelings. I know he still loves me, but I'm no longer sure if I still love him. I asked myself, can I forgive him? Can we go back to the way things were?
I stood up, took a deep breath, and said slowly, "Zhang Wei, I need time to think. "He didn't hold back, just silently watched me leave.
At that moment, I knew I was faced with an important choice. I started to reflect on our relationship and think about what I really wanted. I knew that whatever my decision was, it would be a major turning point in my life.