#精品长文创作季#
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Preface
In marriage, when there is no affection between husband and wife, and only quarrels, fights, accusations, and resentments remain, do they let go or stick to it? This question is very complicated in the eyes of ordinary people.
It's very simple in our view, and basically the scientific approach is to let go. Of course, it is not excluded that some individual marriages should choose to stick to them. It's not my own words, it's the point of view of scientific psychology, it's science!
Understanding the characteristics of marriage and love is the first reason why we decide whether to stick to it or not
What is marriage? What is love? Everyone seems to be able to say a lot of opinions and opinions about marriage and love. However, there are very few that can elaborate on marriage and love from a scientific point of view!
Marriage is essentially the life of two people, and more attention is paid to the matching and interaction of two people. And the essence of love is mainly one-way. For example, in love, even if the other person doesn't love me, I can still love each other very much. This is still a beautiful love, but in marriage, such thinking and practice are unscientific.
For example, in love, if two people love each other, both parties can deduce passionate love, regardless of the limitations of personal financial resources, regardless of whether they have a stable job or not. I love you, and you love me. Even if I'm a temporary worker, I still love each other.
However, getting married is different. Marriage involves the life of a couple. Husbands and wives must consider whether each other's jobs are stable, whether they are loyal to themselves for life, and so on.
In short, love is full of enthusiasm and less attention to matching, tolerance and understanding, while marriage is about matching, tolerance and understanding, and less attention to passion and romance. Once we understand this, those who value romance and passion as important will not have to stick to it in a boring marriage, and if they don't feel it, they will have to divorce.
Buddha Spirit 007 Comments: Not everyone is suitable for marriage. Judging from the current situation in China, it should be that a considerable number of people are not suitable for marriage. These people are concentrated in the post-90s and post-00s. These people prefer a free, easy, and passionate life. And marriage is inherently bland and passionless.
Since some people are not suitable for marriage, after three or five years of marriage, the marriage will be dull. They can't stand it. We understand and respect their request for divorce from the perspective of human nature.
The older generation got married and didn't experience love, so why can they stay together until they are old?
Some netizens will ask the author such questions. For example, Xiaoqiang said to me: "Teacher, what you said about the transition from love to marriage is scientific. However, when my grandparents got married, they never met at all, and they got married directly, and didn't they live happily ever after?
In the past, the marriage of the older generation was more about getting married and having children. It's just a partnership. As for whether they are in love or not, and how well they match, I can't talk about that at all. It's like the three years of natural disasters in the early 60s, when people were not picky about eating. As long as you can eat enough. Nowadays, we pay attention to the combination of meat and vegetables, various nutrients, and weight loss.
Look at society now. A young boy will be exposed to several different girls. Different girls have different characteristics. Naturally, boys have to pick and choose. Some girls are good-looking but have a bad temper, while some girls are average-looking but have a good personality. Naturally, boys have to be selected. The reverse is also true. Girls also have to choose boys.
If you choose the right one, you don't have to get a divorce. Choosing the wrong one, the pain of life. In modern society, both boys and girls are working, and there are many different families. It's good to see other people's family life. And the husband I chose is really much worse. Divorce is an inevitable choice.
The Buddha said: When there is no comparison, your husband is not good, but you feel good, and after you have comparison, even if your husband is good. Just see better. We're going to be ape too. There is also the possibility of cheating and divorce.
There is no comparison among the older generation. A woman has known her husband a man all her life. They don't have the opportunity to get in touch with other people of the opposite sex, even if their husbands are not good, women don't know that their husbands are not good, and men are the same, they only have contact with their own wives and one woman in their lives, and rarely contact other women, so they naturally feel that their wives are the best.
The older generation of women does not go out of the door, and women do not go out to work. Even at home, dressing is long sleeves. Today's girls wear short clothes and short sleeves, traveling and playing everywhere. It also gives men a lot of opportunities. There is too much, too much communication between people of the opposite sex. The more you know and the more you experience, the more you spend.
It is inevitable that marriage will go to a dull marriage, and in the face of a dull marriage, I will support you if you divorce;
Marriage is a product of history. That is, when the productive forces are not developed, we must live through marriage. In ancient times, there had to be a male laborer in the family. At least we can carry water. Now, the meals are all delivered by Meituan, and women don't have to learn to cook. Even if you don't know how to cook noodles, that's not a problem! So, if it's suitable, get married, if it's not suitable, divorce, and if the marriage is dull and boring, you can choose to divorce. In the face of a dull marriage, you divorce, I support you! You persevere, I admire you!
The reason why I support your divorce in the face of a dull marriage is because the purpose of our marriage is to pursue happiness. If marriage does not bring us happiness, it only brings us boredom and blandness. We have reason to reject such a marriage.
Don't stress: if you're divorced, you won't find the right fit! This is the old yellow calendar of ancient times, and I can't see it! If there is no suitable one, there is no need to get married. It's not bad to be single. Being single does not mean that you are not accompanied by the opposite sex. There is a suitable remarriage. If it is no longer suitable, you can get a divorce again. Don't say that you are not afraid to enter the palace three times, even if you enter the palace seven times.
Some people are still in awe of marriage. When you get married, even if the marriage is dull, you have to work hard to persevere. For such people, I admire!
In general, we have a more tolerant attitude towards divorce, and we have more admiration and admiration for those who stick to marriage. The key is: If you want a good life, you can choose whatever you want! This is the scientific concept of our psychology.
The children are still young, or the children are against our divorce. Where do we go from here?
The Buddha Spirit made it clear here that there is indeed a problem in the relationship between your husband and wife, and it is indeed irreconcilable. Do you hold on or give up? The initiative is yours, and you don't want to pull your children in. It seems that the presence of children affects your respective powers to find happiness. This is crucial.
Let's talk separately, if the child is still young. After the divorce, the child can talk to the mother. The father pays the appropriate child support, and if the child grows up, the child does not agree to the divorce. You can explain to your children in detail that the divorce of the parents is a problem between the parents and the conflict cannot be reconciled. After your parents divorce, your parents' love for you will not decrease.
As a child, it is not easy to understand the difficulties of parents. Do you want to see your father and mother quarreling and having conflicts every day, and going crazy with anger? Seeing your parents in pain, you should understand your parents' difficulties and support their divorce. It's not that your parents don't love you anymore when they're divorced. You are still the child of your parents, and your parents will still love you.
The key is that some couples are miserable in their marriage, and they do not have the courage, determination and action to divorce. also said that the children were small and the children did not let them divorce. The responsibility for not daring to face the painful marriage and the failed marriage is put on the innocent children. This is the real root cause of many couples who cannot divorce. If you can't hold up the mud on the wall, don't put the blame on the innocent children.
In the face of a dull marriage and our parents oppose our divorce, what should we do?
This is a relatively complicated topic. Humanly, neither of our parents wants us to divorce. Where are the parents who support your divorce? Even if you are in too much pain to live together. Generally speaking, parents are also persuasive and do not dissuade away.
However, we need to grow in wisdom and understand what our parents really mean. Parents do not persuade you to leave, but they are not satisfied with your marriage. It's that they can't persuade you to divorce. It's hard to understand. As long as you understand what your parents mean, you should divorce boldly! Your parents essentially want you to live well. If you can live well in a divorce, your parents will also support you. It's just that they can't persuade you to divorce.
We are right to honor our parents. Some people talk about filial piety and filial piety. The so-called filial piety is obedience. This statement is false. Our psychology has made it clear. Parents aren't 100 percent right. What parents say and do. Yes, we must insist, admire, and support. We must oppose and reject what is wrong. You can't blindly be loyal and filial.
Faced with a boring marriage, I really want to get a divorce. However, when I really want to divorce, I am reluctant. Repeating the mistakes of the past over and over again
In real life, there are often such cases. Faced with a boring marriage, I really want to divorce. However, when I really want to divorce, I am reluctant. Repeating the mistakes of the past over and over again. This is the self-contradiction of the person concerned. Just like some people buy something, they want to buy something good, the quality of this thing is really good, and the style is indeed very novel! However, they don't want to pay so much money, and they want to buy high-quality products and services at an obvious low price. This is really a toad who wants to eat swan meat!
In the face of a boring marriage, you do not have the ability to adjust and change, nor do you have the ability to accept the painful marriage, and you do not have the courage and courage to leave the painful marriage. With your ultra-low intelligence and IQ, and your poor courage and courage. It is recommended that you pay 30,000 yuan for counseling and find a professional psychologist to teach you a good class for a year. Let the family scold you for a year. If you can't figure it out about this, don't get married and have children.
Words written at the back
In marriage, there is no love, no feelings. Is it a divorce or a stick? The question is not complicated. Find a professional counselor to evaluate your marriage, find out the problems, and get both partners to work on change. Adjust for half a year and see. If you can adjust it, you can continue, and if you can't adjust it, let it go.
The only problem is that both spouses or one of the spouses are unwilling to face their own problems, unwilling to adjust and change, or they know where the problems are, and are unwilling to adjust and change, and at the same time, they do not want to divorce and let go. This is called not dying without dying. This is called self-inflicted, this is called heaven does not destroy me, I am self-destruction, this is called a marriage that does not make you miserable, only self that makes you miserable.
Warning! This article is the author's original! It is not easy to be original, it is forbidden to wash the manuscript, plagiarism, copy and paste! The author has opened the whole network rights protection service, if there is plagiarism or manuscript washing, the legal responsibility of the plagiarist will be seriously investigated!