The greatest sorrow of a family is to raise their children to be refined egoists

Author: Insight Muye

A child who knows how to be grateful is the deepest blessing of a family.

01

A few days ago, a hot post sparked public outrage.

The poster is an only child whose father had bladder cancer and has just undergone surgery and is still recovering in the hospital.

Except for the two days when her father had surgery, she took care of her father in the hospital, and the rest of the time her mother and nurses took care of her father.

So, what is she doing?

She was planning a diving trip to Raja Ampat, Indonesia.

She had already planned her dive before her father fell ill, and this was her last trip last year.

Later, my father was diagnosed with bladder cancer, and it was too late to transfer the liveaboard and change the ticket.

Between staying behind to care for her sick father and diving, she decisively chose the latter.

In her values, it is far more important to fulfill herself than to be filial by her father's side.

When her husband learned about it, he angrily scolded her for being too selfish, scolding her for being unfilial and ignorant.

But she didn't feel that her behavior was inappropriate, and she was not a doctor, so she couldn't help if she stayed, so she might as well go diving.

Full of grievances, she posted to seek comfort from netizens, but was scolded by netizens so much that she had no choice but to delete the post.

Qian Liqun, a professor at Peking University, once said: When we try our best to lift our children to climb to a higher hall, we must be wary of children becoming refined egoists with high IQ.

Parents do their best to nurture their children, hoping that their children will be able to benefit the family when they grow up, but they don't expect that children who are selfish and indifferent will be more terrible than wolves.

Coincidentally, some time ago, a girl in Shanghai sued her parents in court because of studying abroad.

Twenty-five-year-old Oda is the only child in the family.

Xiao Tian's grandparents were demolished and obtained a house in Baoshan District, and the house was later changed to be jointly owned by her parents and her.

After the death of the grandfather, the house was occupied by the grandmother.

In 2021, Oda saw that all her friends were studying abroad, and she herself wanted to study abroad.

She thought that with her current family conditions, her parents would definitely support her decision, but she didn't expect her parents to reject her proposal.

After being rejected by her parents, she quarreled with her parents and asked her parents to divide the house they shared for various reasons.

The house was sold, where did my grandmother live? She didn't care, anyway, she just wanted to study abroad by herself.

Seeing that she had been making trouble, her parents had to sign an agreement with her: the house could only be sold after her grandmother died.

But she couldn't wait, so she took her parents to court.

In real life, there are not a few children like Xiao Tian.

There is no sense of morality and a sense of right and wrong in his heart, and he is always self-centered.

Low empathy ability, unable to empathize, unable to empathize with others, and always putting personal needs first.

The greatest sorrow of a family is to raise their children into refined egoists.

02

Qian Zhiliang, a professor at Beijing Normal University, said:

"When parents are child-centered, the child naturally thinks that he is the only one in the family, his requirements must be met by his parents, and he learns to resist his parents' requests.

After a long time, he only cared about what he wanted, and he was selfish and indifferent. ”

Behind every selfish child, there is a pair of servant-like parents.

A 29-year-old man once impassionedly said that he hoped the country would introduce a law:

"Don't let your child go without it when he reaches the age of 18. If the child is not capable, the parents should keep raising it. ”

这名男叫匡正轩。

At the age when he should have started a family, he gnawed at his old age at home and asked his parents for money every day.

When his parents didn't give it, he took his parents to court: My parents are obviously more capable than me, why can't they support me?

And his parents who are "capable", his father is a construction site worker, and his mother is sick in bed and needs to be taken care of.

The family was crammed into a small house without even a decent piece of furniture.

How did such a real-life giant baby come to be?

The roots are in his parents.

Kuang Zhengxuan's mother has always doted on her children, and whenever the father wants her son to do some work, the mother will stop her.

Neighbors said that Kuang Zhengxuan has been at home since he was a child, and his parents will find a way to meet any of his needs.

Kuang Zhengxuan, who grew up in this environment, gradually developed the bad habit of being indulgent and disgusting, and became self-centered.

The more selfless the parents, the more selfish the children.

As educator Hong Lan said: Overfeeding love deprives children of the ability to care for others.

The more parents give, the easier it is to raise selfish, utilitarian children.

Professor Li Meijin took her daughter back to her hometown for the Spring Festival one year.

While watching TV, she took an orange and peeled it, and her daughter stood aside waiting to eat it.

Li Meijin peeled off a petal and asked her daughter to take it to her grandfather first.

The daughter was a little reluctant, so Li Meijin said: "If you don't give it to grandpa, I won't give it to you." ”

The daughter thought about it and handed it to her grandfather, who was very happy and praised her.

When Li Meijin asked her daughter to send the second petal to her grandmother, her daughter went happily.

Next, the third petal goes to my aunt, and the fourth petal goes to my father... It wasn't until everyone present ate it that Li Meijin handed her daughter a petal.

Unexpectedly, this time her daughter did not eat it, but put it in Li Meijin's mouth.

As a parent, don't love too much, don't be too selfless.

If you really love your child, don't be too nice to him.

In this way, he will understand the rules and respect his parents, instead of only seeing himself.

03

Seeing this, many parents may have questions, what kind of children are cultivated to be considered successful in family education?

I think there are two things.

First, raising a warm and loving child is the greatest success for parents.

A mother shared such an incident on Weibo.

Her son did well in English and was selected as the English class representative.

One day, her son complained to her sullenly:

"The head teacher always asked me to give lectures to my classmates, which not only delayed my study time, but also taught him, and his grades surpassed me. ”

Hearing this, my mother was suddenly shocked.

She suddenly realized that in her usual education, she only told her child how to learn, but forgot to tell him how to study with everyone.

In the future, he needs to connect with the people around him, and he needs to understand that "win-win" is the rule of survival in the world.

So, the mother did something unexpected - took the child to teach.

Let the child tutor those rural children with weak English foundation, and also let him go to the rural primary school to see for himself:

"Not everyone is born with food and clothing like you, and there are so many children your age in remote corners of the country who may want to learn English well, but there is no professional English teacher to teach them. ”

Later, the mother asked her son again, "What do you want to do when you grow up?"

The son replied: I speak English very well, and I want to be a diplomat. At the same time, I also want more children in rural areas to learn English well and have the opportunity to realize their dreams, just like me.

The ultimate goal of education is not to create an island.

Our children are not only our children, but also the children of society.

To love a child is to let him learn to love himself and others.

Raising a child with "love" is no less than raising a child with excellent character and learning.

Second, raising children who know how to be grateful is the greatest blessing for the family.

As a parent, having children, and working hard, all you want is to raise a child who knows how to be grateful.

Do you still remember Pang Zhongwang, who was admitted to Tsinghua University with a high score of 744 a few years ago?

When the president of Tsinghua University arrived at his home, he learned that Pang's family was poor, his mother was in a wheelchair, and his father was also suffering from mental illness.

The yard is full of all kinds of waste cardboard and bottles and cans, and there is not even a table at home, only two beds.

But when it comes to his family, Pang has never complained.

He sees the hard work of his parents, so he wants to study hard through his own efforts and repay his parents for their nurturing grace.

His parents were unable to do heavy work due to physical reasons, so every morning, he would get up early to finish the housework, prepare meals for his mother, and then leave for school.

At the age when other children were playful, he had already supported the weight of a family on his own.

When the reporter interviewed, Pang smiled at the camera and said:

"I don't feel like there's anything I can't get out of my family.

My mother is so good, my grandparents are so good, and every one of my relatives is so good, I don't think they are ashamed of me, on the contrary, I think others should envy me. ”

Raising children who know how to be grateful is the deepest blessing of a family.

A luxurious house and an expensive car are not as good as cultivating a child who knows how to repay the favor.

No matter how big the house is, it is only used to live, and no matter how expensive the car is, it is only used to travel, and raising a grateful child is better than having a lot of money.

When Qian Zhongshu and Yang Jiang returned to the Qian family's old house with their daughter Qian Ying for the first time, the other children were playing in the yard.

Only Qian Ying was intimately by her grandfather's side, helping her grandfather to fold the quilt for a while, and reading a book obediently on the side.

When Qian Zhongshu was sick, Qian Ying also followed her mother's example, gave her father warm comfort, and actively encouraged her father.

Qian Yu not only inherited the talent of her parents, but also a responsible and grateful person.

In many cases, what parents lack is not money, but the love of their children.

A child's gratitude and a reward make parents feel happy and content.

▽

Wharton professors have proposed a "pyramid of success" theory.

There are three types of people in the world: giver, taker, and matcher.

Giver dedication 大于索取,乐善好施,被称为"奉供者";

Taker only knows how to ask but does not know how to give, and is called the "spiritual poor";

Matcher sees the wind and steers, and is known as a "refined egoist".

In the short term, the latter two may take advantage of the benefits temporarily by virtue of greed and shortcuts, and are in the middle of the pyramid, while Giver can only be at the bottom.

But in the long run, of these three types of people, only the giver will achieve the highest achievement, occupying the top of the pyramid.

Our children learn not only knowledge and life skills in this world, but more importantly, a bright personality, noble character, and a grateful heart.

Don't raise your child to be a "refined egoist."

Give it a thumbs up and encourage all parents.