Note to parents: Infancy and early childhood are a critical period for personality development

Many parents think that their children's personality cultivation is after the child is sensible, so they ignore the psychological construction of children in the early years of infancy and toddler.

In fact, infancy and early childhood are a critical period for our personality growth, and babies have certain psychological needs and developmental tasks at each stage during this period. If these needs are not met and the development tasks are not completed, it can have a great impact on the future character.

Guangzhou heard that the children's psychological counseling will give you a detailed introduction.

Infancy and early childhood are the key period for our personality development, which is divided into 3 stages.

▍Stage 1 (0-1.5 years):

At this time, the baby is in a state of inability to survive and needs the mother's unconditional attention.

At this time, there is only the mother in the baby's world, but there are many important things for the mother, such as work, housework or entertainment. When the need for unconditional attention is not met, the baby will have deep doubts about the mother: Am I the most important thing to the mother? Am I worth existing? The baby concludes: I am not as important as your job, housework, or mahjong. Therefore, as he grows up, he has not been able to confirm that he is the most important person in the heart of another person.

▍ Influence when you grow up:

When he grows up, if he realizes that he is the center of another person's world, he will quickly fall in love.

But this state cannot last, because each adult has his own social tasks. Except for the love period, he can no longer become the other half of the NO.1, so this expectation will definitely be disappointed.

As an adult, he once again realized that "I really can't be the most important person in another person's heart", and then he will become jealous and angry about the things that occupy the other half's attention (such as work, TV, games, friends, etc.), which is actually expressing "how I want to be the most important person in your life", and the subtext is: I want to be the only important person in your life.

When a person wants to feel safe from his partner, he is unable to see his partner's real existence and ignores his partner's needs.

▍Stage 2 (1.5-3 years old):

A certain amount of respect and freedom

Around the age of one and a half, babies develop the concept of "I" for the first time and enter the first rebellious period. At this stage, if eating, sleeping, and resting are not counted by themselves, but are all decided by the caregiver, the baby will experience that any part of himself is not under his control, and he is just a "puppet".

When a baby's need to "be himself" is not met, there is confusion "Can I be myself, can I make decisions for myself?"

▍ Influence when you grow up:

Rather than suffering when there is a need, it is better to have no need at all, so the baby will give up on his needs.

However, there are some transformations in the second rebellious period: in the face of a strong sense of external control (from the caregiver), some children succeed in rebellion in the second rebellious period (adolescence) and escape from the control of the caregiver.

This type of person can become particularly assertive, independent, and stubborn.

And the other part of the rebellion in the second rebellious period also failed, did not dare to express their opinions anymore, and only carried out the task.

In intimate relationships, he will crave a lot of freedom, and he has a natural aversion to any control, because he has endured too much when he was a child, so he is not willing to bear a little more when he grows up.

In addition, this stage is also a critical period for children to internalize the rules. The rules set by the parents will make the child aware of the rules. Rule-awareness is good to a certain extent, but in moderation. People with a lot of rules will have a lot of willpower, but they will also be more stubborn and inflexible, and people with fewer rules will be more flexible and will easily let go of themselves.

Moreover, rules that are too strong or too weak can make babies feel averse to control.

If he lacks freedom when he is a child, he will desperately want freedom from others when he grows up; he has been forced by his mother since he was a child, and he has not been respected by his mother, so he needs the respect of others when he grows up, and he hates others forcing him. In intimate relationships, he will excessively demand respect and freedom from the other person, and at the same time, it will be difficult to give the other person respect and freedom, forcing the other person to compromise, and the other person will experience being controlled and disrespected.

Conversely, if the baby is given a certain amount of respect and freedom at the age of 1.5-3 years, then he will grow up to be respectful of others and can also receive moderate control from his partner.

▍Stage 3: (3-6 years old),

Recognition and praise

By the age of 3, children no longer need their mothers, and they have begun to play games and explore the world.

At this time, he would want to leave his mother, but he would not dare. So I kept confirming from my mother, hoping to be recognized. For example, he would ask his mother: Are the blocks I built good or not? Are they just beautiful?

Some mothers are very distracted by their children's compliments, and such compliments are "invalid". Babies need the mother's compliment to be embodied – a description of the details, such as what was done well and how was it done well?

Some mothers not only do not have the ability to appreciate it, but also have negative and critical attitudes towards the baby, resulting in frustration and inability to internalize part of the recognition from the mother.

The lack of recognition and praise will make children wonder: Is my essence good, and will I still be loved if I am not good?

▍ Influence when you grow up:

When he grows up, he will doubt whether he deserves to be liked,

"Am I okay?"

"Am I really okay?"

Without self-confidence, a weak sense of purpose, and the ability to praise and recognize others.

At the same time, he especially needs the recognition of others, and he can't stand the accusations and criticisms of others, but he is especially good at hitting and denying others, just like his mother did to him back then.

Conclusion of Guangzhou Psychological Counseling

Home is a harbor of happiness, a source of warmth, and a source of security. Parents can bring happiness to their children, but they can also bring pain to their children.

Proper love and scientific parenting can make children better themselves;

Improper love is a heavy harm to children, and even many injuries create unhappiness for children in the future.

▎ This article is the original article of Guangzhou Hearing Bar Psychological Counseling Center, which has been protected by the original, please indicate the source when reprinting, and the company reserves the right to pursue it according to law if it is used without permission.

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rgba(250, 81, 81, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-RED: rgba(250, 81, 81, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-ORANGE: rgba(250, 157, 59, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-ORANGE: rgba(250, 157, 59, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-GREEN: rgba(6, 174, 86, .. 6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-GREEN: rgba(6, 174, 86, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-BLUE: rgba(16, 174, 255, .6);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-BLUE: rgba(16, 174, 255, .1);--weui-TAG-TEXT-BLACK: rgba(255, 255, 255, .5);--weui-TAG-BACKGROUND-BLACK: rgba(255, 255, 255, .05)}}@media(prefers-color-scheme:dark){.wx-root:not([data-weui-theme=light]),body:not([data-weui-theme=light]){-appmsgExtra-BG: #121212}}@media(prefers-color-scheme: dark){body:not([data-weui-theme=light]) .rich_media_content img:not(.wx_img_placeholder){filter:brightness(.8)}}@media screen and (min-width:1024px){body:not(.pages_skin_pc) :root{--appmsgPageGap: 20px;--appmsgPageBottomGap: 40px}}:root{--articleFontsize: 17px}:root{--sab: env(safe-area-input-bottom)}:root{--wxBorderAvatarRatio: 3}:root{--discussPageGap: 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div.autoTypeSetting24psection > p,div.autoTypeSetting24psection > section{margin-bottom: 24px;}