I thought this unexpected reunion would be a warm family reunion, but I didn't expect it to become a torment in my heart.
My father smiled at me and said, "This reunion is really not easy, we haven't seen each other for several years." I smiled and nodded.
I always felt that the look in his eyes when he was in front of me always revealed a kind of itching that made me feel uneasy.
In this reunion, I felt this uneasiness again. My brother sat next to me as I sat down to get ready for a delicious meal.
I felt a burst of electric stimulation and my heart beat faster. His hand unexpectedly gently stroked the back of my hand and sandwiched the meat into his own bowl.
I don't know if it was my brother's kindness or a joke behind it, but I do know that I feel more and more disturbed and disgusted by his behavior.
The meal went peacefully, but I couldn't let go. For the next period of time, whenever I saw my brother, I couldn't help but deliberately avoid having too much contact with him.
I know very well that all this is a normal brother-sister relationship in the eyes of others, but in my eyes, it seems like a hot and untouchable taboo.
On the way home, I was stuck in this kind of behavior towards my brother. That night, the more I thought about it, the more I felt that something was wrong, and I felt that my whole body was in a state of emotion that I couldn't extricate myself from.
He was targeted by his brother's brother, and her heart was tickled, as if something was growing wildly.
In the days that followed, I fell into contemplation and conflict. I didn't know if I wanted to talk about it with my family, I didn't want to ruin the harmony of the family, but I couldn't stand my brother's actions.
I didn't know how to deal with this conflict, so I chose to remain silent.
One day, I received a phone call from my brother. He invited me to a remote place so that we could meet again.
I was a little panicked and didn't know what he was going to do. But because of the family relationship, I quickly responded.
"I know you're a little distant. My brother spoke. "But actually, it was all my misunderstanding.
My heart was torn and I didn't know what he meant. I asked softly, "What do you mean?"
"I mean your mood, your alienated attitude towards me. There was a hint of apology in his eyes, "I don't know why you treat me like this, but I don't think it's good, I hope we can trust and be close to each other as before."
It made me feel even worse. He even blamed it all on my alienation. Angry and helpless, I tried to explain, but he didn't seem to listen to me, and instead repeatedly emphasized that "I didn't do anything wrong".
The agonizing doubts and uneasiness seem to have been deeply implanted in my soul and I can't let go.
I walked alone in the alley, and my heart became more and more restless. Suddenly, a familiar voice sounded in my ears: "Miss, may I ask how to get there?" I looked up and saw that it was my brother's friend.
I subconsciously took a step back, but accidentally bumped into a pile of debris behind me and fell to the ground. My friend hurriedly stepped forward to help me and repeatedly asked me if I was hurt.
When I got home, I tried to calm myself, but even at home, I couldn't find peace of mind.
But at the same time, I can't escape because this is my home, this is my loved ones. It was like I was caught in a vortex from which I couldn't help myself, and I didn't know how to escape.
This ambivalence made me feel more tired and hopeless than ever. I hope to find the answer and get rid of this problem.