Some people say that today's children are particularly difficult to discipline and discipline, for fear of hurting children's self-esteem and self-confidence, and affecting the parent-child relationship; If he is loose, he is afraid that he will not be self-disciplined, learn badly, and go astray.
As parents, they all want their children to grow up healthy and happy. But in the process of children's growth, parents will always face a variety of educational problems. So, how can we better educate children? Here I would like to share with you four bottom lines that must be adhered to when educating children, and if you do it, it will be very beneficial to your children's growth.
01. Clearly tell your child what they can and can't do
As children grow up, they will inevitably make mistakes and destructive behaviors, so parents should clearly tell their children what they can and cannot do. Because the child may not know that his behavior is wrong, and he does not know where the bottom line of the rules is.
So, what can and can't children do?
What is conducive to children's development of good conduct and Xi should be encouraged to do, such as going to bed early and getting up early, tidying up their room, consciously completing homework, taking the initiative to help parents do housework, respecting the old and loving the young, and being helpful.
Parents should give feedback whenever their children have good behavior. For example, when a child helps his mother with housework, his mother should encourage and praise him in time: "Child, you are awesome, you can help your mother wash the dishes, I am very happy, you have helped your mother reduce her burden!"
Parents' praise reinforces the child's motivation and initiative, and the child will have a sense of accomplishment and will be happy to do it.
As the saying goes, behavior determines Xi, Xi determines character, and character determines destiny. A child's good behavior Xi will affect his life and benefit him endlessly, and good behavior Xi should be cultivated from an early age.
Some behaviors that endanger his own interests or those of others, as well as those that are prohibited by law and morality, must be resolutely stopped. For example, stealing their parents' money to buy snacks, beating her sister when fighting with her sister, secretly playing with fire and water, trampling on flowers and plants in the park and destroying public property, etc.
When making a stop, parents should be firm and make it clear to their children that "no!" and do not say anything ambiguous or joking.
For example, when your child hits you with a small fist, don't dodge and say to him with a grin, "Oh, baby is going to hit someone, you can't hit mommy." "This will give the child the impression that he is joking, and the child will not be able to recognize that the adult is wrong.
You have to show your child in a serious way: "You can't hit your mother, it's wrong to hit someone, you can't hit someone!" This attitude shows that your mother is serious and that this behavior is forbidden.
Clearly telling children what they can and can't do can help them develop positive behavioural patterns, develop responsibility and self-discipline, shape the right values, build healthy relationships, and ensure their safety and well-being.
02. Limit your child's behavior, not emotions
One thing to note when parents stop their children's bad behavior is not to limit their children's emotions.
For example, when a child is angry, parents should teach the child not to attack others, smash things, or lose his temper. However, encourage your child to express his anger, for example, by asking him to express his grievances, unfair feelings, or to vent his emotions in alternative ways.
For example, when my sister messed with my brother's toys, my brother was very angry and wanted to hit my sister. Mom can say to her brother like this, "I know you're angry with your sister, but we can't hit anyone, you can hit your pillow to vent your emotions, and you can put away your toys and don't let your sister play." ”
From an early age, boys were taught, "Man, don't cry." This kind of teaching may cause them to suppress their ability to express their emotions and dare not show their true emotions in their hearts, leading to emotional depression and inner conflict. Therefore, when a child is sad, parents should teach the child not to hurt himself or others, not to fall into self-depression for a long time, but to let him talk about his sadness or find appropriate ways to vent his emotions, such as writing a diary or sharing it with close people.
When your child is anxious, teach them not to run away from difficulties or problems, and ask them to describe their worries or provide emotional relief methods, such as relaxation techniques or communicating with others.
Encouraging children to express their emotions and providing appropriate emotion management methods while limiting their behaviour can help them recognize and understand their emotions, while developing their ability to process emotions so that they can establish a healthy balance between emotional expression and behaviour.
Understanding your child's emotions, supporting your child's desires, telling them what behaviors are not allowed and what ways to vent their emotions can help your child build positive emotional connections, develop emotional intelligence, shape good codes of conduct, and provide them with healthy emotional management tools.
03. When the standard is set, don't change it overnight
Once you have set standards for your child about what can be done and what is not allowed, parents should not change their orders overnight.
For example, if a child is allowed to watch TV for only 30 minutes a night, you can't allow your child to watch TV for more than 30 minutes just because there are guests there tonight, or reward your child for 30 minutes if he or she improves on a test.
Another example is that parents do not allow their children to eat candy before going to bed, but grandparents always secretly give their children candy.
This kind of sometimes forbidden, sometimes allowed, will directly affect the child's construction of behavior patterns. They may be confused about what is the right behavior and rules because the rules seem to be changeable at any time. This can lead them to selectively follow the rules, or to give up trying to understand and follow the rules altogether.
When parents change rules frequently, children lose control and self-discipline over their actions, may perceive their actions as having no clear consequences, leading to a lack of self-discipline and self-discipline, and may even lose confidence in their parents' decision-making and guidance, believing that their parents are unstable or unreliable.
When restraining children to follow discipline, not only should our standards be stable, but also our practices should be unified, that is, family members should also have unified opinions and practices, so that children can develop good behavior Xi.
04. Adults must set standards for children, and adults must lead by example
Parents are the best role models for their children. Adults must lead by example before asking children to restrain bad behavior and be disciplined.
For example, don't restrict your child from playing games while using your mobile phone to watch videos non-stop;
Don't tell your child not to hit your brother, but try to make him obedient by hitting him.
Don't stop your child from eating junk food while smoking and drinking on the side......
When parents don't say or do things, it can lead to damage to the child's trust in the parent. They may begin to doubt their parents' honesty and reliability, and become suspicious of their parents' guidance and decision-making.
When parents double standard, children often tend to ignore their parents' words and imitate their parents. Therefore, while asking children to correct bad behavior and abide by discipline, parents must do it first. Only in this way will the child believe in us, follow our example, discipline himself, and be self-disciplined.
Raising children is the greatest practice for parents. It is the greatest merit of parents to cultivate children with noble character and self-discipline.
In the process of children's growth, clearly tell children what they can do and what they cannot do, limit children's behavior, do not limit children's emotions, do not change the standards set overnight, and adults must abide by the standards set for children. As long as you follow these four parenting principles, you can trust that your child will grow up to be what you want in the future.
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