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My name is Li Fang, I am 54 years old this year, and I am a middle-aged woman. I've been married to my husband for about 30 years, and my children are married. My husband is introverted and busy with work, and our relationship is no longer as passionate as it was at the beginning.
On this day, I went to the jewelry store where I was engaged alone, intending to pick out a pair of gifts for the thirtieth anniversary of my wedding. As I was looking carefully in front of the display case, a male clerk walked up.
"Ma'am, is there anything you need help with?" He asked, smiling.
I looked up at him and couldn't help but be a little surprised. He looked to be in his early twenties, with deep features, a tall build, and a very handsome dimple on both sides when he smiled.
"I'm looking at wedding anniversary gifts, do you have anything to recommend here?" I asked.
"Please follow me. He led me to another booth and pulled out a pair of simple platinum rings. He gushed about the design concept and craftsmanship of this pair of rings, and the appearance of his eyebrows fluttering made my heart move.
I tried on one of the rings and it just fit. "That's it, I love it. I said to him.
At the checkout, I secretly glanced at his name tag, the three words Xiao Wang, which really matched his young and handsome appearance.
One day, he asked me if I wanted to go to the new exhibition together. I wanted to refuse, but looking at his expectant eyes, I agreed.
So, we embarked on a relationship that shouldn't have started.
After the exhibition, he invited me to a nearby coffee shop. I hesitated, but I followed.
"Aunt Li, you look very stressed, do you have anything to worry about?" Xiao Wang looked at me with concern while playing with the cup.
I sighed and began to confide in him the fact that my married life had long since been in name only. My husband has been running around for his career all day and hasn't been with me for a long time; My children have their own homes, and all I face every day is the deserted and empty.
"Actually, Auntie, you are still very young, beautiful, and full of vitality. Xiao Wang said with a smile.
I couldn't help but blush, and my heart beat a little faster. After all these years with my husband, I haven't heard these words of praise for a long time.
I looked at the handsome and polite young man in front of me, and I still didn't refuse.
I knew it was out of bounds for a normal friend, but I couldn't help myself. He was like a ray of sunshine shining into my long-clouded heart.
I began to pay close attention to Xiao Wang, and found that he was a very attentive and considerate boy. When I accidentally sprained my ankle, he quickly grabbed me and carried me to the bench to check on the injury. "It's okay. He whispered, but there was a faint worry in his eyes, as calm as water.
My heart fluttered, and I reached out and stroked his cheek. He didn't resist, just looked at me quietly. I slowly leaned closer to him and finally kissed him on the lips.
After the kiss, I looked at Xiao Wang in a bit of a panic, not knowing how he would react.
But he just smiled softly, and then hugged me: "Auntie, in fact, I have long liked you." ”
Xiao Wang caught up and grabbed my wrist: "Aunt Li, you like me too, don't you? Don't think about those who don't have it, just follow your feelings." ”
I was speechless by his bold confession. The image of my husband and children came to my mind, and I knew it was wrong.
But when I looked into Xiao Wang's firm eyes again, I still couldn't bear to push him away after all.
I know that this cross-generational relationship is destined to be fruitless, and I have never thought about divorce and being with Xiao Wang. It's just that every moment with him makes me feel heartfelt happiness, and this long-lost, youthful heartbeat has become a dazzling scene in my life. I was willing to let go.
Xiao Wang also cherishes my affection for him. He would often send flowers and small gifts to accompany me shopping, so that I had the vitality and vividness of a young girl.
I would also take him to a high-end restaurant to give him a taste of food and wine. Looking at his handsome appearance in a suit and leather shoes under the lights, I will have a little woman mentality of taking her boyfriend out to show off.
But this beautiful bubble finally burst.
One day, my husband suddenly came home early, and when he opened the door, Xiao Wang was lying on top of me and kissing.
"What are you doing?!" The husband's angry roar resounded throughout the house. Xiao Wang and I hurriedly separated, our faces pale.
"What is there to explain! I have seen it with my own eyes! I have been playing tricks on my nose for so many years!" The husband slammed his fist on the table, and the teacups and fruit bowls flew all over the place, and the broken porcelain pieces mixed with the fruit rolled everywhere.
Xiao Wang stepped aside in fear, and I cried and threw myself in front of my husband to beg for mercy, but he pushed me away mercilessly and fell to the ground.
The husband pointed to the door, and his voice was as cold as ice: "Get out! Get out of here! From today on, I will no longer have a wife like you!"
I hugged my head and cried, and Xiao Wang hurriedly picked me up and ran out. We panicked and finally stopped out of breath on a park bench.
Xiao Wang silently hugged me and gently stroked my long hair.
After a long while, he said in a deep voice, "Aunt Li, it's okay, I'm here." I'll take care of it to the end. ”
When I heard this, I cried even more. I know that there is no going back.
After my husband kicked me out of the house, Xiao Wang has been with me ever since. He rented a house so I could stay temporarily. Every day, he would buy groceries, cook and take care of my daily life.
I cried all day long, and Xiao Wang could only hug me silently. I know he's blaming himself too, and he's aching inside.
"I don't regret it. Xiao Wang suddenly hugged me, "Meeting you is the happiest thing in my life." ”
I choked up, wondering if I was more moved or more guilty.
A month later, my mother became seriously ill and was hospitalized. I weighed it again and again, but decided to go and see her one last time.
Little did I know that my husband was also in the ward.
"Why are you here?" I asked in surprise.
My husband sneered and looked my dirty clothes and haggard face up and down: "The old lady still expects to see you for the last time, and I will inform you." Don't think I still think I'm still a wife!"
I lowered my head, not daring to look at him. My mother was dying, and I silently walked over to the bedside and took her withered hand.
Tears welled up in my eyes, and my mother nodded knowingly, not saying anything more. It didn't take long for her to stop breathing.
I cried on top of my mother, and my husband stood aside coldly, took the paperwork from the doctor and signed it.
"Let's go, don't come back to me in the future. He turned and strode away. I looked up at his departing back, and my heart was like a knife.
Xiao Wang waited anxiously for me at the door. Seeing me crying out, he hurriedly stepped forward.
Xiao Wang hugged me tightly and was silent for a moment before saying, "Then come with me." Go to a place where no one knows us and start over. ”
I looked at him a little confused: "What do you mean?"
Xiao Wang clenched my hand, his eyes were serious and firm: "My hometown is in the countryside of Northeast China, and although the environment is simple, it is very quiet. Let's go there, I'll take care of you for the rest of your life!"
I was dumbfounded, and my heart was mixed. The events that have taken place in just a few months have ruined my life to the fullest. Now that this young man is hell-bent on protecting me, what reason do I have to refuse?
So, I hesitated and nodded. Xiao Wang happily hugged me in a circle and kissed me deeply on the forehead.
Xiao Wang excitedly began to prepare for a trip to the northeast. He quit his job and sold his house and car. The money was not much, but he said it was enough for us to live a simple life in our hometown for a while.
I also sold some of the gold and silver jewelry I had left. Although the future is confused, watching Xiao Wang's excitement, I can't help but feel a little happy and expectant.
However, the good times were short-lived. The night before we were ready to leave, I received a call from my son, who was a little out of control.
"Mom, what's the matter with that little white face that you ran away?! Your chats and photos are revealed!"
I was shocked and said, "What chats??!"
"It's evidence that you and that kid are ambiguous and promiscuous across generations! These things have all been spread on the Internet, and they have simply disgraced our family!"
I was terrified and my mind was in turmoil. At this time, Xiao Wang opened the door and walked in, and was also startled when he saw my pale face: "Aunt Li, what's wrong with you?!"
We set off early the next morning. Xiao Wang was afraid that a reporter would intercept him, so he hurried through the alley with his suitcase. When he arrived at the station, he breathed a sigh of relief.
However, the impact of this incident was far greater than I could have imagined. Within a few days, the verbal and written criticism of public opinion reached a climax. I couldn't bear to look at those foul words anymore, so I could only let Xiao Wang confiscate my mobile phone.
Fortunately, the northeast is vast and sparsely populated, and my hometown is a small mountain village with no 100,000 people. We lived in a simple mud hut at Uncle Wang's house, and finally lived a life of isolation.
During the day, I will help the elderly at home do some rough work, and at night, Xiao Wang will come back with the corn he grew in the field, and we will talk about some family life around the kang.
When people are old, it is the most practical thing to be fed and clothed. Xiao Wang's meticulous care of me also made me feel a lot more at ease.
It's just that every year during the Spring Festival or Xiao Wang's birthday, I will vaguely think of my children and the first half of my ruined life. During these nights, Xiao Wang would put his arms around me and whisper comfort until I fell asleep again.
I know it's a great deal of guilt he's guilty about me. Young people should have a bright future, but now they are trapped in the filthy mire of the countryside.
He said he would always be with me, and I don't know if it was a blessing or a curse for him.
Time flies, and in a blink of an eye, we have been living in the countryside of Northeast China for two years.
In the past two years, Xiao Wang has made a living by farming in the fields, although his income is meager, he is hardworking and capable, and it is enough to feed us two people, one old and one young.
As usual, I helped clean up, cook, and do laundry at home. The rural life is monotonous and boring, but fortunately, with Xiao Wang, a big boy by his side, he still takes care of me in every way as he did at the beginning, and often makes me happy. I have gradually Xi the rhythm of life here, and although my children's thoughts are still worrying, they are not as worried day and night as they were at the beginning.
At this time, Xiao Wang pushed the door in, and his face turned pale after seeing the pregnancy test strip on the ground. After a long while, he squeezed out a smile and said in a trembling voice, "It's okay Auntie, it's my child, right? I'll be responsible for you!"
I looked up at Xiao Wang, and my heart was mixed. I knew it would be a shackle for the rest of our lives.
Go, I'm ready for this new life. Xiao Wang also decided to raise this child with me without hesitation, even if our identity is destined to be criticized.
The reaction after pregnancy was very serious, I was drowsy all day, and Xiao Wang could only take care of me in every detail. He worked in the fields during the day, and when he came home in the evening, he immediately began to prepare meals and hot water. I feel sorry for his already thin body, but I can't do any more of this hard work.
In this way, I spent ten months in great suffering, and finally gave birth to a baby boy weighing more than four pounds on a winter night. I hugged my son, tears welling up in my eyes. Xiao Wang was also so excited that he couldn't speak, just gently and preciously caressed his little face.
We decided to name him Wang Jinsong. Xiao Wang said that he hoped that he could grow up healthy and have deep roots and leaves like a pine tree.
But after giving birth, my body collapsed. I gradually lost the strength to do housework, so I could only lie weak in bed. Xiao Wang had to hold the child all the time and take care of all the housework.
I felt sorry for his thin shoulders and his increasingly haggard face. I knew it was all more than this young man could afford.
In this way, in the midst of pain, Xiao Wang accompanied me for two years. Wang Jinsong will follow his father and call me mom, and I have mixed feelings in my heart. I also used to fantasize about the scene of my son and daughter calling my mother around me, but I didn't expect it to come true in this way.
When Wang Jinsong was two years old, my condition deteriorated. Xiao Wang took me to the county hospital for an examination, and the doctor diagnosed me with the final stage of lung cancer, and there was only about half a year left.
I wasn't surprised, but looked at Xiao Wang beside me with a solemn face and Wang Jinsong who was huddled in his arms.
I ruined the lives of their father and son with my own hands, which is the biggest regret of my life.