#头条创作挑战赛#
What I would like to share with you today is "Inferiority and Transcendence" interpreted by Mr. Fan Deng.
This is Adler's masterpiece, the pioneer of individual psychology.
A person's life is a process of "overcoming inferiority and pursuing excellence".
After reading this book, you will learn to take advantage of low self-esteem, overcome difficulties, and surpass yourself.
There is a hot topic on Zhihu: "How do you think about low self-esteem?"
One of them replied:
Low self-esteem means that a person is sensitive and aware of the self, a trait that is an advantage in itself.
Low self-esteem shows the power of negativity, but it also hides the power of positivity.
As the psychologist Adler mentioned in his book "Inferiority and Transcendence": "Inferiority complex is a normal process of development when an individual pursues a superior position. ”
Low self-esteem is the pursuit of the gap between reality and dreams, the retreat and hesitation in the entanglement of helplessness and self-help, but it is also the persistence of the expectation of a new life.
A certain inferiority complex allows us to see the root cause of change and determine the direction to adhere to.
Reading Mr. Fan Deng's interpretation of this book, you will find that inferiority may be the beginning of a person's strength.
The biggest cognitive scam is demonizing inferiority
There is a child who has been suffering from rickets and pneumonia since childhood, and is struggling to survive on the brink of death.
His tall and handsome brother made his ugly appearance even more hideous, and he fell into an inferiority complex in the midst of public criticism and self-comparison.
Despite this, he was unwilling to be controlled by inferiority all his life, counterattacked and became an honor student, was admitted to medical school, and became a decent doctor.
This person who began with low self-esteem and then became inferior is Adler.
In the past, we always exaggerated the dark side of inferiority and kept silent, for fear of being branded with inferiority and becoming an outlier in the mouth of others.
But low self-esteem is not a label for screening people, it has been with us since childhood.
Cognitive psychology has suggested that people who spend their childhood in doting, neglect and illness tend to have low self-esteem.
I once read a book about a child who was born with a disability and was trapped in low self-esteem.
He wrapped himself in a thick cocoon, refused to associate with outsiders, and gave up on studying hard, becoming an outsider to the world.
Thirty years of his life were spent in the sinking and exile of low self-esteem.
When we grow up, we rush to the future, but the gap between our background and talent still cannot be erased, and even exacerbates the internalization of low self-esteem.
Even Zeng Guofan, who turned from a rural boy to a bachelor of the Hanlin Academy, the rusticness in his bones and the narrowness of his vision also made him imprisoned in inferiority.
He doesn't want to open up contacts and interact with people, and he doesn't want to keep improving, his performance is mediocre, and he can live a good life.
This life lasted for three whole years.
However, the objective gap that makes people feel inferior and cannot be crossed can be continuously narrowed by subjective efforts.
is like Su Qin during the Warring States Period, although he worshiped under the Guiguzi Sect, he still ran into walls everywhere after leaving the school, and he was ridiculed by his relatives when he returned home.
With low self-esteem, he did not fall into the theory that hard work is useless, but studied behind closed doors for a year, regrouped, and finally inherited the seal of the six countries, bringing fifteen years of peace to the six countries.
As the book says, "Man is born limited by his surroundings and by people. ”
People who are trapped in low self-esteem will only live in a corner of their own suffering, disconnected from society, and become outsiders from society.
Shi Tiesheng wrote in "Broken Pen in the Gap of Illness", "Low self-esteem has always given the world two things: the expectation of love and the accumulation of resentment. ”
Family background, talent, and opportunities bring about the gap between people, and also bring inferiority.
Only by demonizing inferiority can it be easy to complain about others, and only by accepting the existence of inferiority can we earn future expectations through hard work.
If you are full of rejection and resentment towards inferiority, you will fall into the trap of inferiority and lose control of the future.
Inferiority complex is the beginning of getting better
The book makes a point:
Each of us has different levels of inferiority complex because we all want to make ourselves better and make ourselves better lives.
Many times, we want to climb over the mountains and mountains, and want to see a better scenery on the other side of the mountain, but the road is long and obstructive, and inferiority should arise in the climbing.
Some people, in the inferiority complex and frustration again and again, tie their hands and feet, extinguish hopes, and give up close to their dreams.
Some people become more and more courageous, taking inferiority as the driving force to move forward, and getting closer to a better self step by step.
Ronald, the "World Footballer", also struggled with low self-esteem and hard work in his early years.
Despite his talent and explosive speed, the buckteeth exposed when he ran wildly made him hesitate to choose to keep his mouth shut decently.
The coach off the pitch noticed his embarrassment and said to Ronal, "When you win, people will ignore your flaws because they see your win. ”
Originally flawed and inferior, he suddenly became enlightened, and since then he has practiced hard, unleashed his potential, and became a famous striker on the football field, allowing people to successfully focus on his strengths.
There may be some shortcomings of inferiority complex, which cannot be changed by birth, but it is inevitable that they will be haunted and criticize themselves more and more.
But as Adler notes, "If you have a hand that is immobile, the right hand doesn't become dexterous because you pay attention to the hand." ”
Instead of focusing on the inferiority complex that cannot be changed, it is better to find another way to magnify our strengths.
There is a highly praised post in Zhihu, asking: Is it bad for a person to have low self-esteem?
The landlord has been plagued by low self-esteem since she was a child due to her bloated figure and ordinary appearance, but one day, she realized that her inferiority complex is the direction in which she can get better.
She began to pay attention to her diet and keep exercising, so that she could have a healthy body.
In the past two years, she has lost 40 pounds, her steps are getting lighter and lighter, and she is becoming more and more energetic.
When she grew up, she felt inferior to the excellence of her crush, and was determined to make herself an excellent person, taking the lead in improving her academic Xi grades, and continuing to improve her overall quality.
She is kind to others, kind and polite, and has a friendship although she has no romance.
As she walked, she became strong and humble, and although she still had low self-esteem, she had a positive start and more possibilities in life.
Driven by a sense of inferiority, the landlord has corrected his position in society, learned to correctly handle the relationship between the sexes, and has a partner who advances and retreats together.
This is in line with the three cornerstones of inferiority and transcendence theory: occupation, society, and gender.
Friedrich Nietzsche once said, "Low self-esteem also has its positive value, and self-confidence also has its negative effects." ”
A certain degree of inferiority complex can allow us to find a good social position, put a correct attitude towards things, and determine the focus of progress.
And excessive inferiority, Xi requisitioning other people's standard requirements, will only put themselves in shackles and unrecognizable.
Instead of living in the evaluation of others and always being inferior and restrained, it is better to compare with yourself and let inferiority become a driving force.
Transcend inferiority complex and make your heart stronger
Helen Keller lost the ability to see and hear the world while she was still babbling.
She should have fallen into the deep sea of inferiority and despair, but with the help of her tutor, she shined a new light in writing and lit up the direction of her life.
Psychologist Stephanie Starr once said, "All weaknesses are related to low self-esteem." ”
Not limited to the darkness of inferiority, in order to bravely walk into its sunshine.
Here are three things to start with:
1. Use interest to divert the focus of low self-esteem
We tend to pay too much attention to it, but it can be related to interests in addition to talent limitations.
Things that are not of interest, hard work, and dismal results exacerbate our rejection and spiritual internal friction.
Instead of enviously watching others shine and be bleak, it is better to explore your own interests and potentials and magnify the shining points.
2. Turn your low self-esteem into an advantage
There is a treatment in psychology called "paradox intervention", which is to turn the problem into an advantage.
It's like "Be the CEO of Your Own Life" about a teacher who suffers from social phobia, but uses it to improve the effectiveness of teaching.
Whenever a new class starts, he will tell everyone that he has social phobia, and as long as he sees people playing with their phones and sleeping, he has to slow down before he can give a lecture.
Immediately, he began to be in a daze with his classmates playing with his mobile phone, others laughed, the class became focused, and the teacher's teaching effect was also improved.
When we have low self-esteem, we are always afraid of the eyes of others and are unable to look directly at the essence of our hearts.
But the more you are afraid, the more inferior you are, and only when you no longer imprison your inferiority complex can you truly grow.
3. Use love to weaken negative feelings of inferiority
Have you ever experienced:
When you come home exhausted, a greeting is gratifying, and when you are helpless in failure, a word of encouragement can be reinvigorated......
There is an explanation in psychology: after a person is Xi to producing a certain emotion, the "peptide" produced by the body will promote the production of that emotion.
In the same way, when we have low self-esteem and are helpless, the positive emotions brought by companionship make our hearts full of positive energy.
Sometimes, companionship weakens the negative emotions of low self-esteem, increases inner flexibility, and makes us stronger.
Psychologist Winnicott once said:
Everyone's ego is like an energy ball, and every energy ball wants to stretch itself.
Do not complain about deficiencies, but explore interests and strengths, activate the tenacity in the face of inferiority from oneself, let the power of companionship weaken negative emotions, and activate the courage to face inferiority from the outside.
Write at the end
I've seen a sentence like this:
The reason why people have feelings of inferiority is because they do not accept their current state.
People like to compare, compare with themselves, compare with others, and compare with the world, and finally in exchange for spiritual internal friction and endless inferiority.
Don't demonize the negative effects of inferiority, believe that inferiority can also have positive feedback, in order to transcend inferiority, and correctly understand and play your own value.
Look at inferiority with a normal heart, accept inferiority, and regard inferiority as a way to fill in the gaps in life, so that people can grow up while living in inferiority.
Click on "Attention", and I hope that everyone can not compare with others, but measure themselves with the ruler of their hearts, and go through their lives without being humble or arrogant.