When his mother was eighty years old and had difficulty moving, Kobayashi took the initiative to take care of her. Every day, he pushes a wheelchair, helps his mother to get up, carries water and food, cleans up the room, and serves him meticulously.
The three younger brothers all went out to work to earn a living, and the only family situation was Xiaolin and his sick mother.
Two years have passed, and although Kobayashi has achieved success in his career, he has become increasingly emaciated. At the end of that year, the family was reunited, but Xiaolin lost the joy and laughter of the past. The younger brothers talked and laughed and were full of spirit.
Xiao Lin quietly picked up vegetables, his eyes were lonely, and his heart was full of thoughts.
"Where did all my mother's savings go?" The second brother's question poked at the most vulnerable point in Xiao Lin's heart. In the past two years, not only did he not get a penny from his mother, but he spent all his savings and couldn't even take care of his own business.
For a while, Kobayashi was speechless.
"Brother, don't be too bitter about yourself. We can share as much as we can. The eldest brother comforted. But others don't think so, and Kobayashi also understands that there is no hope.
At the same time, the parents of the netizen's girlfriend were also sick in bed. She worked during the day and rushed home to take care of her at night after a hurried meal. Although her boyfriend intends to share the burden, she has no choice but to be busy with work.
Gradually, the sweetness between the two was lost, and criticism and complaints took their place.
Coincidentally, it is not easy to bear it alone. Not only is life on your own, but the economy is also unsustainable, and physical and mental exhaustion is inevitable. What's even more sad is that this contribution cannot be exchanged for the understanding of the family, but has become the truth and suspicion of others.
Xiao Lin's speechless eyes are full of sorrow, and the tired figure of the netizen's girlfriend is sad. We need to make rules so that families can agree so that the burdens of life don't overwhelm a person.
This is the top priority to solve the problem of old-age care.
In the face of the increasing frailty of the elderly, if the children want to work with peace of mind, they must agree on clear rules for the elderly to ensure that the elderly in the family receive the care they deserve.
First of all, siblings should make their accounts public, clarify their financial ability and physical conditions, and draw up a reasonable support plan. For example, those with good economic conditions will pay their living expenses every month, and those who are healthy will take turns to go home to take care of them, and each will do his best and do what he can.
If the elderly have savings, they should also report to their children for withdrawal and use, so as not to have suspicion in the future.
Secondly, once the health of the elderly deteriorates greatly, the children must work together to quickly formulate a response plan. For example, contact the best hospital and who will lead the treatment; The child is responsible for the day-to-day care, and the other siblings provide financial and emotional support.
If conditions permit, you can ask a nanny to share the care task, but the child should not completely shirk it, and should actively care for and visit frequently.
Finally, daily life care also needs to be taken by everyone in turn or divided labor, and must not be left to be carried by one person. Family group chats can establish a pension work account, and the children can report on their care, communicate with each other, cooperate seamlessly, and always maintain a high degree of consistency.
It is also possible to let the elderly live in high-quality nursing homes, but the children still have to visit frequently and provide humanized companionship.
With these institutionalized pension rules, children do not need to work excessively, and the elderly can enjoy family fun. This is the root cause of alleviating family internal friction and making family affection long-term and strong.
In the process of supporting the elderly, sibling conflicts are inevitable, such as discord in concepts and uneven distribution of burdens. However, family affection is always above all else, and maintaining sufficient understanding and tolerance is the key to maintaining family relationships.
I have an uncle who takes care of his daughter and supports his son. At first, everyone complained about this arrangement, feeling that it was conservative and pedantic and not above board.
But after the death of my aunt, everyone understood that this was the last choice of the family. Because the second uncle trusts the young daughter the most, and the two sons have successful careers, this combination of taking advantage of the advantages of all parties makes the uncle's old age the most warm, happy and safe.
In fact, no family is perfect. Moving to a son-in-law's house for the elderly may cause conflicts between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and living in a son's house increases the pressure of care. We can't treat others as our own, and we have to make all families meet our expectations, which will only make things worse.
On the contrary, we need to broaden our horizons and think from the perspective of others. After getting to know a family, give advice and help, so that they do not hurt each other, but achieve harmony and happiness.
Just like the second uncle's family, after everyone's attitude softens, they can sincerely bless this arrangement and ensure that the elderly are healthy and happy until the last moment of their lives.
After all, blood is thicker than water, flesh and blood are connected, and family affection should not and will not be easily separated by any misunderstandings and contradictions. It is like a towering ancient tree, which is still tall and strong after the baptism of the years, and its branches are luxuriant.
Through the previous two cases, we can see that Xiaolin and his netizen girlfriend are both taking on the heavy responsibility of taking care of their sick parents alone, and as a result, they are not only physically and mentally exhausted, but also misunderstood and resented by their families.
This fully shows that leaving one person alone to take on the task of supporting the elderly will inevitably bring great pressure and internal friction to the whole family.
Shouldering it alone will increase personal energy and financial pressure, which will inevitably lead to depression, anxiety and other psychological problems in the long run. It will also crowd out the time and energy originally invested in career or family, affecting work and life.
To make matters worse, other family members complain and question their motives and behaviours, leading to a rapid deterioration in family relationships.
Therefore, we must formulate scientific and reasonable pension rules, so that everyone can form a consensus and jointly undertake this important task. For example, you can take turns to care, divide time or divide labor; Establish a family chat group to report the status of the elderly at any time; Discuss countermeasures in a timely manner when there is an emergency; And we should often express our gratitude and encourage more people to participate voluntarily, so as to prevent only one "stupid big sister" from working hard.
This can significantly reduce the burden on the individual and make the care of the elderly uninterrupted; It also enhances mutual trust between children and prevents suspicion and conflict; The relationship between the whole family will become more and more harmonious, and they will be able to stand together in the face of any difficulties.
This is the best way to support the elderly so that they can enjoy their old age.
That's the main point of this article. It is hoped that these cases and analyses will benefit more families, so that the elderly can live comfortably and their children can live well. This is also the contemporary value of the traditional filial piety culture.