18 years in Shanghai: I grew up here and grew old here

When I went out to walk my dog a few days ago, I met an old French lady, and our dog hit it off at first sight, and I became friends with her, to use the popular phrase, "dog partner". One day, sitting on the lawn basking in the sun, she suddenly talked about the recent return to Lyon to visit relatives, and she had not seen her for more than three years, and her family exclaimed at her, saying that her face and smell had changed, and somehow she had "become an Asian", and that there was a certain "Asianness" in her body.

I asked, what is Asian sex.

She squinted and thought, and then said, I don't understand, but there is a saying that husband and wife will get along longer and more alike, and I have been in Shanghai for 27 years, which is probably the mark we left on each other?

A few days later, I met Christopher Saint Cavish (his friends called him Chris) in the tea room on Yongfu Road, and that thoughtful look appeared on his face. I often capture similar facial features on the faces of my uncles. Chris arrived in Shanghai at the age of 24 and is about to turn 24 years old. He is part of an army of millions of "Shanghai drifters", lightly armed, young and new, squandering curiosity and time at the heart of China's economic development at the beginning of the 21st century. He is also a special one among the Hupiao people, and most of the people who set off at the same time as him lived for the planned arrival, and their youth was exchanged for savings, wedding banquets, mortgages in their hometowns, and due dates for their parents. And Chris drifted thoroughly, first as a professional chef, then as a columnist and blogger, renting an old apartment in the city center, more than 1 year of things are not considered, not much savings, buying a house and buying a car sounds like a fantasy, this is partly due to personality, partly because of identity - he is a blue-eyed foreigner.

Two months ago, Chris's new book, "Yangpan: Miami Youth and Shanghai Xiaolongbao," was published, about the life of a foreigner who has lived in Shanghai for nearly 20 years. After the release of the new book, the response from Chinese readers poured in. I retold to him the comments of media person Aunt Xiong on the Douban app: "... The author is constantly examining himself, and China is the lens through which he observes himself... And he confides in us, the Chinese readers... It's like a civilian version of BoJack's psychological counseling record in Shanghai. ”

Chris said, Oh, I'm crying.

I said, don't cry yet, why do you think we feel so close to you, like we're each other's members?

Chris说，Cause I'm not born and raised here, but to be honest, I grow up here.

作者沈恺伟,摄影Elsa Bouillot

In the "bubble circle", a year counts as a year

——

A small-town cook's self-question:

      "Why do you need me here?"

Miami certainly isn't a "small" town in terms of size. Chris was born close to the waterfront and the children always learned to swim at a young age. From having fun to surviving, people just flutter in the water and grow up. If the question is the shore of a generation of young people in a small Chinese town, for Chris, a young Miami who has been disgusted with 9-to-5 since childhood, the embankment is called the kitchen.

As a young chef, he has both the craft and the desire, and is always restlessly looking for opportunities to go out and go further. One night in the summer of 2005, he arrived in Shanghai to give him a work visa at the up-and-coming Pudong Shangri-La Hotel, a top-floor restaurant specializing in molecular cuisine.

The day in the back of the kitchen starts with the preparation of ingredients at noon, which ones need to be pre-prepared and which ones need to be thawed, all in a process at scale. When the clock rings for the opening of the market, the space becomes a battlefield, noise, high temperatures, nervousness, continuous cooking, perpetual sweat, the chef is always roaring, from direct blood greetings to monkey ancestors, standing 14 hours a day, unable to eat regularly and go to the toilet, and at the same time facing immediate and cruel feedback from guests, such as mediocre or unpalatable redo.

When the chef does six days off and one day off, the end of work every night is close to late at night, and it is midnight after tidying up. A group of young people were released from the pressure cooker into the streets, and no one was willing to go to sleep immediately, and they walked in droves through the streets of Shanghai, just like the young people who had nothing to do in other Chinese towns at the same time. New wine in old bottles, which is now known as City Walk. The day ends two or three hours before sunrise, and I sleep until noon, and then I enter another cycle.

2006, Shanghai Jing'an Villa

In 2009, I rode from Hongkou to Yangpu

They earn little, play hard, don't know anything about their surroundings, and their reckless exploration always follows the rule of "do it first, do it wrong and apologize later". After coming to Shanghai for 5 years, he did not know a word of Chinese, but gradually under the leadership of other foreign friends, he understood that there was a "foreigner's Shanghai" here, comfortable and expensive, transplanting the shadow of everything in the English-speaking world they were originally familiar with, imported supermarkets, foreign restaurants, foreign hospitals, foreign nurseries, exclusive drivers and nannies, all of which built a "bubble circle", and formed a unique social level according to income and length of stay.

The foreigners in the bubble circle are divided into 3 categories, and category A is those at the top of the pyramid, company executives, business elites, industry experts, and they are the "talents" that the country is eager to introduce. Category C is those who are called "foreign workers" who do basic work in various service industries, and they are the first group to be excluded when the state is caught in a right-wing narrative. And most working-class foreigners fall into category B, and like Chris, they are half-pushed people in this country, receiving a salary and trying to make a stable and decent life.

The turning point in his career and life came in 2013, when he quit his job as a chef and worked in the media, still focusing on food. He decided to float from the marital crisis and overthinking about his self-worth at the time, and take the initiative to do something, such as measuring xiaolongbao in a quantitative way: cutting the dough with scissors, measuring the thickness of the dough, the weight of the minced meat, the amount of soup, and the total weight of each xiaolongbao. The 18-month-long guide to Shanghai was released in April 2015 and covered more than 100 xiaolongbaos, and Chris became a hit. He remembers hiding in the hallway, crying over what he learned — for the first time in 10 years of being here, he felt a sense of local acceptance.

In 2015, Shanghai xiaolongbao was measured

The desire to find one's exact place in the environment is an indelible impulse for every wanderer. Behind the story of the tragic PUA of social animals and the envy of the post-00s rectification of the workplace, there is the need of a whole generation of ordinary people who grew up in an environment of indifference or oppression: if it wants to find a reason for its needs, it is better to be firm enough not to let itself be defeated in the face of the question of "what is the value of my existence".

Chris is no different. He always asked himself why I was needed here, "After all, why does China need foreigners?"

Visas to stay in China are granted in one-year increments, and each year is like a mini-hearing on the legitimacy of one's existence. The older the year, the more unthinkable and unbearable the other side of the coin becomes. So the signs of what he called "tomorrow syndrome" appeared, and he said that he was "not going to stay here for so long" and that "we foreigners who have been here for a while have been talking about it all the time – it would be nice to know how long we could stay." We lament: if we had known we would have stayed so long, we would have bought a house, and we would have been rich now. We lamented that we would have taken a few more Chinese lessons, and now we could speak Chinese fluently. We lament: we could have set up our own company, and now we are the big bosses. ”

But they didn't do that.

The town that raised itself is far away, but the city that raised itself always seems huge and indifferent, and we have a lot of questions and few answers in Beijing, Shanghai and Guangzhou. At this point, food is the best excuse for Chris.

In the society of ordinary people,

Be an ordinary foreigner

——Dumb Chinese, Fortune Dream,

      and constant tossing identity shifts

In his fifth year in Shanghai, Chris decided to start learning Chinese. In a small building not far from her home, she offers official language instruction by an elegant Shanghai aunt who has retired. The teaching method is straightforward, two one-on-one tutoring sessions per week, no textbooks, no English commentary, and the aunt tells him stories in Chinese. The first six months seemed to be sleepwalking, but after that, he was able to understand and gradually talk, and then now, he can distinguish between Guangdong and Sichuan accents.

What is special is that Chris inherited the characteristics of language education in this land, and he learned "dumb Chinese": he is very strong in hearing, but it is difficult to speak on his own. He gave many reasons for this: he was accustomed to listening to stories and neglecting spoken language Xi when he started, he always felt that his "Chinese personality" deviated from his own personality when expressing it in a language other than his native language, and he thought that listening was more important if he had to choose between listening and expressing.

Half of his friends are Chinese, people talk in Chinese, and then he naturally joins in English – a fluid and fun cross-cultural exchange practice that forms a perfect closed loop with people who hold "dumb English."

Leaving the high-pressure kitchen environment, he has more time to go out on the streets, observe and contact the ordinary people around him, Jiang Qin who sells avocados, Zhang Yindi who loves to drink beer, and Master Tao who makes iron pots, an ignorant but exploratory foreigner who connects the stories of Aunt Avocado, Aunt Beer and the last generation of handmade pot makers in Shanghai ten years ago. Writing became his familiar and comfortable way of expressing it, and it usually had nothing to do with taste, "I'm not interested in whether you like a certain dish or not, I'm interested in why you eat this dish, why you do it, who made it for you, their story, why you eat this dish and not that, and a thousand questions like that." ”

In 2015, Aunt Beer

In 2015, the handmade potsmith potter pottery master

Talking to the people of this land makes him feel more comfortable, and everyone assumes that he is an outsider, who knows nothing about this place, and prefers to take the initiative to tell the most basic and occasionally untold stories.

He went to Lanzhou to learn ramen, went to Yunnan to eat peacock meat, or tried camel milk in Xinjiang, where people looked at the "foreigner" in front of him with novel eyes, and then showed him the fragments of China that had been previously out of sight, which was a rare moment for him to enjoy his identity as an "outsider".

Like chefs, media jobs can only provide a meager income, so along with thousands of you and me who have dreams of making a fortune, Chris has also tried a lot of "side ways" over the years. Resell the "mango badge" with the brand of Chairman Mao's period found in the thrift store in the northwest to the circle of friends - make a small profit; find handmade soy sauce in Yunnan, plan to buy low and sell it high, and even pour the soy sauce into a glass bottle with a rubber stopper- No one cared, because he used the IV bottle as a dispenser, and no one would buy the suspicious dark liquid in the infusion bottle, and in the biggest battle recently, he and a Turkish friend were selling kofte (kofta, a traditional Turkish meat skewer) on the street, spending an afternoon mixing onions, spices and lamb on the skewers, setting up a charcoal barbecue on the side of the street to start work, the smell quickly attracted a large number of queuers, and fortunately did not attract the police- But the dream is shattered by the neighbors who are drying the quilt above the barbecue grill, and their response to the onion and lamb is a basin of water falling from the sky. The charcoal was extinguished, and so was his dream of getting rich.

图源Chris个人公众号：saintcavish

He occasionally misses his old days as a chef, but of course, only a small part of it, such as the sense of steadiness of working with his hands, the sense of accomplishment in making dishes, and the immediate feedback from customers – good or bad – can be answered on the spot. His current team includes researchers and translators who have been working together for many years, and they are always together when they need to travel to study a certain food culture. Usually Chris asks the question, and his partner translates the question into the "right way to ask the question" to the locals, and then he listens quietly to the answer.

There was no one to translate the answers for him, he listened to it on his own, understood it on his own, and then wrote it in his own voice.

In the rainforest where there are no answers,

Grow up and get old

- He needs each other with China,

      He's trying to believe it

Everyone can feel the bubble bursting. According to official data, the number of expatriates in Shanghai dropped from 200,000+ to 150,000 between 2010 and 2019. Over the past three years, the number of young people returning from Shanghai to their hometowns or to other second- and third-tier cities has been on the rise, with no exact official figures, but experts estimate them to be in the millions.

The tall building was raised, the guests were feasted, and the building collapsed. Not long ago, the back kitchen of the restaurant not far from Chris's house was almost dissolved, and all the young chefs left, saying that they could not support themselves, and that some were going back to their hometowns, while others were trying other ways to make a living. His friend who works in a big factory is laid off at home, and occasionally helps him do content research. Some people went to Dali, went to Jingdezhen, became digital nomads, or traveled to the mountains and rivers. Those foreign friends and Chinese friends who left reminded him of himself 20 years ago, carrying a bag, searching the world for meaning, starting a new life in a place that previously lacked context, or thinking of himself as a new life.

In 2012, Chris looked like when he was a DJ

Something is changing. In the early days of foreign hospitals, the order of telephone calls has changed, and the front desk wiring system will say, "Please press 1 for Chinese, for English please press 2"; in the past, they would hire foreign doctors to serve foreigners, and now they prefer Chinese doctors educated abroad—the customer base that occupies the advantage of numbers and payment ability has quietly become the local middle class.

Of course, there are relatively unchanged things, and the house prices 20 years ago were not much more beautiful than they are now. Shanghai is reminiscent of a tropical rainforest, where new things flourish and decay quickly, restaurants iterate after round, and the bistro trend has not yet passed, and natural wine is on fire again. Pre-made dishes have been sprayed so badly, and giant automatic stir-fry machines have been introduced, and if there is any wisdom in life that 20 years of experience has been exchanged, it is that "no matter what, everything will pass".

There are also heavier problems, like the "five insurances and one housing fund" that young people are keen to discuss today, ordinary foreigners do not have medical insurance, and they need to go to expensive foreign hospitals for medical treatment, so they are "afraid of being injured, hit by a car or even contracting a small disease", and we share the trouble of "not being able to get sick". Unable to adapt to the local diet, they can only choose Western food that is much higher than the price in their hometown but does not necessarily match the taste, "they don't know how to get cheap and good food, as long as they don't get out of the bubble circle, they will never know."

There is also the death that everyone avoids discussing. According to data found by Chris, 1,500 expatriates die in China each year, but since 2008, foreign residents have been unable to bury in Chinese cemeteries. "The foreigner died", "just disappeared out of thin air", the young adults in the circle continue to live as if they are forever young and immortal, death is not in the scope of discussion, and the end of life is not visible. Where did the people who left go – the founder of an international repatriation company told Chris that they would be transported from China to their hometowns by specialized business companies. Usually, their relatives will be waiting for the special transport box at their destination. The average cost of this repatriation commission service is usually 100,000 yuan, including embalming, body storage, air tickets and other miscellaneous expenses.

Here, we share the weight of going through life to death with dignity.

"I'm old, I've grown up here, I've grown old here." Now he goes to bed before ten o'clock every night and wakes up before dawn, without drawing the curtains in his room, so that he can lie down and see the first rays of light. Since I started taking medication for depression a few years ago, I don't drink alcohol anymore. The most recent pastime is a trip to the seafood market in Baoshan with friends in the evening, where you can spend a full two hours between the stalls. On the way back, I passed by Xiangyang South Road, blocked it, and found that it was no longer a foreigner's world, but now it was crowded with cool kids, listening to interesting music, wearing personalized clothes, and drinking relaxed wine. He thought it was good.

Some of Chris's friends tell him that today's expats feel like going back 15 years. The little bubbles belonging to Argentinians, Chileans, Australians, the West Coast of the United States, or North Africa have collapsed because of the drastic decline in personnel, and people have returned to a big bubble called the Outsiders, as they did when they first came to Shanghai at the beginning of the century. The Japanese would hook up with the French, the Spaniards and Canadians would have a good drink, and life would go on in a shrinking territory.

Does China need foreigners? It is time to renew his visa for the new year, but he still has not come up with an answer. In the final chapter of "The Plate," he struggles to list long monologues, "For every kid who shouts 'Foreigner!'", "For every walk on the Bund and on the West Bank", "For every chatter in taxis and ride-hailing services", or "To prove to you that we are all ordinary people". For himself, in order to be present at a moment when "everyone needs something to remind themselves that there is a world bigger than they know", even if the unspoken Chinese has blue eyes, he needs each other with China, and he is trying to believe that.

New Classic Culture "Foreign Plate: Miami Youth and Shanghai Xiaolongbao"

Chris started writing a new book about noodles, recently tweeted on his public account to solicit help from his Chinese readers, and plans to start a YouTube show at the end of the year to let more people in the non-Chinese world know about the city and the country he knows. Of course, it's still through food.

He described to me the old apartment I live in now, with high ceilings and irregular shapes of the house. He doesn't believe in feng shui, although his mother does, and there are always many taboos about placing furniture at home. But he thinks it's good now, he likes the irregularity.

---

The chat with Chris was like a calibration of a pre-established coordinate system. There are countless moments when I sigh at the qualities that are so familiar to him, his MBTI, his sensitivity and internal tendencies, his demeanor and expressions, the "dumb language" he Xi learns, everything shows a certain connection, leading to a vague "Chineseness".

But at the end of the day, what do I know about Chineseness? As Chris said, there were moments when he thought he was fully aware of what was going on here, and moments when he realized he didn't know anything about it. I think we're all the same.

Together, we are in a certain big boat assigned by history, on the surface of the sea of life, and we are foreign guests in this world. Occasionally, I see something familiar on the shoreline, such as the spices of my hometown, the accent of my family, the sycamore path that I have walked for ten years, the neighbors who only hear it in my husband's house, or just recognize each other's eyes.

于是怀疑或者挣扎的日子里，我们依然愿意相信，I'm not born and raised here, but to be honest, I grow up here.

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div.autoTypeSetting24psection > p,div.autoTypeSetting24psection > section{margin-bottom: 24px;}