On that day, I took my three young daughters and married a man. It was one of the hardest decisions of my life and the one I was most reluctant to make.
The stepdad treated my daughters in his own way, and even though he seemed to be trying, he always made me feel uncomfortable.
Whenever he did, I always felt an invisible frustration and torment, but I had to hold back because I knew I had to compromise for the sake of my daughters.
And on this special day, I discovered a fact that surprised me, that is, the incomparable strength and calmness that I had always thought were actually collapsed at this moment.
But now, when I see my stepfather taking care of my daughters in every possible way, I feel an indescribable envy and helplessness.
Under this feeling of powerlessness, I began to reflect on myself. I am a mother, but I have never thought about my own needs, I have been silently giving for my daughters, but have I given them the love and care they need the most?
For a moment, I felt like a failed mother, and I felt like I had failed my daughters' expectations.
"Mom, what's wrong with you?" interrupted my thoughts in the eldest daughter's voice.
"It's nothing, Mom is just a little tired. I smiled and comforted her.
However, my heart was heavy. I understand that I need to spend more time and attention with my daughters, and I need to learn to show more love and warmth.
Just when I was determined to change myself, I encountered an unexpected thing. It was an ordinary afternoon, I was busy making dinner in the kitchen and my daughters were doing their homework in the living room.
"You're not their biological father, so why are you in charge of our business?" cried out the eldest daughter angrily.
"I didn't do anything wrong, I just wanted to mention your homework. The stepfather looked a little angry.
"You just want to show off your ingenuity, there's no need to show off in front of us!" the eldest daughter lost her mind.
I felt a headache and upset, this was not the family I wanted, I was already deeply guilty, and now the conflict between my daughters and my stepfather added to my burden.
"Calm down, y'all!" I suppressed my anger, "we need to be calm and understand each other. Stepdad just wants you to get better, and you should give him a chance too.
I felt my voice tremble a little, and I could feel the disappointment and anger in my daughters' eyes. I understand that I am still a long way from being a competent mother myself, and I need to work harder to not let my daughters down again.
I try to change myself. I began to take the initiative to communicate with my daughters and care about their lives, studies and hearts.
But gradually, they also began to take the initiative to share their thoughts with me, and even took the initiative to ask me for help. The feeling of being needed makes me feel satisfied.
However, as time went on, I discovered a phenomenon that puzzled me. As the communication between me and my daughters increased, there seemed to be some cracks in their relationship with their stepfather.
"Mom, I don't like my stepdad, he's always pointing fingers at us, I don't think he cares about us as much as you do.
I was caught in an inner struggle. I knew there was a problem between them and my stepfather, but I didn't know what to do.