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My name is Li Fang, I am 45 years old and I have been married for more than 20 years. My husband, Wang Qiang, is a Chinese teacher at a local secondary school, and since we got married, our life has been uneventful, and there have been no big ups and downs. However, I have a secret, and that is that I have been cheating for more than 10 years, and my husband has not found out to this day.
Why should I cheat? To be honest, my relationship with Wang Qiang has long faded. After many years of marriage, the Xi of life are almost the same, and they are already familiar with each other to the point that they can no longer be familiar, and there is no novelty and passion to speak of. Wang Qiang spends his days immersed in his teaching work and the parents of his students, and when he comes home, he reads the newspaper or television, and has little interest in me and his family.
"Lao Wang, let's go out for a walk on the weekend, I haven't been out for a long time. At one point, I proposed.
"Isn't it nice to go out and do something at home?" Wang Qiang said without raising his head.
My proposals were always rejected by Wang Qiang for various reasons, and over time, I was tired of this marriage. I crave passion, I crave attention and understanding, and Wang Qiang obviously can't give me that.
"Sister Fang, you are so beautiful today. As soon as he saw me, he couldn't stop complimenting.
I was a little embarrassed, but I felt a sense of being valued for a long time. This man can understand my heart and give me the attention and passion that Wang Qiang can't give. I knew it was immoral, but I decided to have sex with him anyway just once.
It was a night I will never forget. The passion and excitement that I have never felt before made me feel incredibly satisfied and relaxed. I know this is not true, but I can't control my inner desires.
When I got home, I tried to look like I always wanted to show any flaws. After Wang Qiang got up, he was ready to go to work as usual.
"I'm going to school, you have a good rest at home. Wang Qiang kissed me goodbye as usual.
"Well, you also pay attention to safety. I feigned composure and sent him out.
I tried to rekindle my love with Wang Qiang, but he was always absent-minded: "I've been very busy at work lately, so let's talk about it after the summer vacation." ”
I know he's really busy at work, but he has too little time to give to his family. I couldn't wait any longer and decided to continue secretly looking for my own happiness.
Cheating was like a drug to me, and I couldn't help myself. Every time you conquer a new man, you will feel extremely satisfied. I've also become more and more daring, from the first hotel, to the motel, to the other person's home. I used the time when Wang Qiang usually worked overtime or went on a business trip to cheat, and the calculation was seamless.
Once, I spent the night at my lover's house, and I left in a hurry to get dressed and leave at dawn.
"When will we meet again?" My lover hugged me reluctantly.
"Next week, I'll find time. I reassured him and cautiously went home.
I have mastered all kinds of lies and made up all kinds of different excuses to deceive Wang Qiang. Wang Qiang was busy with work, and he never doubted me.
In this way, my cheating journey went further and further. Every man gives me a different irritation, but when the excitement wears off, I'm looking for the next target. I felt like a poisonous snake that needed to keep feeding on my thoughts. But at the same time, the distance between me and Wang Qiang is getting farther and farther away, and I have almost forgotten what true love is.
I knew I was on a path of no return, but I just couldn't stop. My marriage is like a pool of stagnant water, and only cheating can bring me life. But I also understand what I'm going to pay for it in the end.
Just when I was caught up in an affair, I suddenly received an anonymous letter with only one sentence on it: "What you did, your husband knows." ”
I was holding the letter, my hands trembling and I was in a cold sweat. Could it be that my secret has been discovered? Wang Qiang already knows about my cheating? I quickly tore up the letter, for fear that Wang Qiang would see it.
The thought that Wang Qiang might confront me at any time made me very anxious and afraid. I tried to behave normally, but Wang Qiang didn't seem to notice my abnormality at all.
"You haven't been looking well lately, are you not feeling well?" One day at the dinner table, Wang Qiang asked me with concern.
"Then pay attention to rest, I can come back early to accompany you in the next few days. Wang Qiang said gently.
Wang Qiang's reaction was so normal that it made me even more confused. Was that letter just a prank? Or was Wang Qiang testing me? I forcibly suppressed the wild beat in my heart and secretly raised my vigilance.
Just as I was anxiously waiting for Wang Qiang to confront me, one of my best friends came to talk to me, and she said to me mysteriously: "Fang, do you know that someone has seen Lao Wang often going in and out of hotels with a young woman recently. ”
My eyes widened in surprise, "Y-Are you sure?"
"Absolutely! My message is 100% reliable. She affirmed.
My brain "buzzed", it turned out that I was not the only one who had been cheating, and Wang Qiang also had a new love outside!
I suddenly felt extremely sad. It turns out that over the years, Wang Qiang and I have been maintaining a superficial effort, and our marriage has long existed in name only. We all choose to cheat for thrills, but we don't want to face reality.
"Lao Wang, let's get a divorce. One day, I plucked up the courage to say to Wang Qiang.
Wang Qiang was silent, and after a long time, he sighed: "I was expecting you not to know." ”
I choked up and said, "Our relationship is long gone, so stop deceiving yourself." ”
"Okay, now that you know, let's get a divorce. Wang Qiang nodded, his face full of exhaustion.
We finally signed the divorce in front of a lawyer. I suddenly felt a sense of relief that we finally didn't have to do this anymore
After Wang Qiang and I officially divorced, I decided to move to another city to start a new life. I gave up everything here and was with a man I met online.
At first, I thought everything was new and exciting, and I was tired of being with this man who was more than ten years younger than me every day, and we would go shopping together, go out to eat and watch movies, and we would be happy every day.
"Baby, let's go play in the mountains in the suburbs!" He's always up with new ideas.
"Okay, as long as you're happy. I was no longer as reserved as I used to be, and I had fun with him.
But the good times didn't last long, and when the novelty wore off, I found that this man was actually very immature, and he had no plans except to play. I was no longer as easily satisfied as I was when I was younger, and I started to get bored: "When are you going to get a job? We can't always spend Dad's money, right?"
"It's okay to have you to feed me, I'm still young, I want to play for a few more years!" He said it as a matter of course.
Only then did I realize that I was just a tool for his pleasure. I think of Wang Qiang, although he is not considerate enough, but at least he can give me stability and security. Now that I have nothing, my life has become a mess after cheating and divorce.
I began to reflect on myself. Years of cheating brought me only a momentary thrill, and in the end I lost my family and didn't get true love. I understand that cheating and escapism won't solve anything, it will only make me more miserable and empty.
I finally mustered up the courage to give Wang Qiang a call.
"Hey, Fang, what's the matter?" Wang Qiang's voice sounded a little surprised.
"Lao Wang, I want to talk to you. I said.
"Say it. ”
"Over the years, I've been running away and cheating, and in the end, you and I have been hurt. I really regret it. I couldn't help but choke.
There was silence on the other end of the line. After a while, Wang Qiang said: "Actually, I am also responsible. If I had cared more about you, we wouldn't have gotten divorced. ”
"I want to go back, can you give me a chance to start over?" I asked cautiously.
"Absolutely. Wang Qiang said gently.
Wang Qiang really kept his promise and gave me a chance to start over. I returned to the familiar city, and Wang Qiang picked me up at the station.
"Welcome back. He hugged me with a smile on his face that I hadn't seen in years.
"I'm back. I hugged him tightly, tears welling up in my eyes again.
When I got home, everything was the same as before, and the familiar smell made me feel at ease. I know that it will take time to rebuild a marriage, and both Wang Qiang and I need to heal the wounds of the past.
"I made your favorite dish tonight. Wang Qiang said with a smile.
"You remember what I like to eat, it's great. I smiled for the first time in a long time.
After dinner, Wang Qiang offered to take a walk together to eat. We walked slowly in the community, chatting about what had happened over the years.
"You know, I had a bad time after the divorce. I recounted the hardships of these years.
"Me too. Wang Qiang nodded, "I live a very empty and lonely life. ”
"We missed out on too much. I sighed.
"It's okay, it's still in time. Wang Qiang held my hand.
We decided to care more about each other from now on and cherish our affection. Wang Qiang began to learn to romance me in the way I liked, and he would give me flowers from time to time and ask me to go to the show. I also learned to take care of his diet and daily life, so that he could feel the warmth of home.
We started to talk openly, Wang Qiang would tell me about his worries at work, and I would talk about my thoughts. Communication has allowed us to rebuild understanding and trust.
"I'm sorry I've ignored your feelings all these years. Wang Qiang apologized once.
"I'm sorry for you, you shouldn't have chosen to cheat. I was heartbroken, too.
"It's okay, it's still too late. Wang Qiang hugged me.
Day after day, our relationship is getting better and better. There will be occasional small quarrels, but we learn to be understanding and tolerant. Wang Qiang began to spend more time with me and my family, and I felt his love for me.
"My dear, I love you. One night, Wang Qiang suddenly said to me.
"I love you too. I hugged him excitedly.
After all these ups and downs, we rediscovered our original love. I finally understood that marriage requires both parties to manage with their hearts, and cheating cannot bring true happiness. I am glad that we still have the opportunity to do it again, and I will always cherish Wang Qiang's love.
After reconciling with Wang Qiang, I gradually realized the meaning of being a good wife. I no longer have the idea of cheating, and I put all my mind on taking care of my family.
I learned more cooking skills, and I prepared his favorite dishes for Wang Qiang every day.
"Today's dish is really delicious, is it a new dish?" Wang Qiang ate with relish.
"yes, I've been reading some recipes lately, and I've tried to make a lot of new dishes. I laughed.
"I love all the dishes you make. Wang Qiang said happily.
I also clean my room regularly to make sure my home is clean and comfortable. Once, Wang Qiang accidentally scattered documents all over the ground.
"It's terrible, the documents are all messed up. Wang Qiang said anxiously.
"Don't worry, we'll pick it up slowly. "I crouched down and helped him pick up the papers.
Through such small things, Wang Qiang felt my intentions as a wife. He would also try to come home early and accompany me for a walk to the supermarket.
Once I accidentally sprained my ankle, Wang Qiang did not hesitate to ask for leave to take care of me at home.
"The doctor said that you should rest for a few days, and I will be at home with you for the past few days. Wang Qiang said gently.
"Thank you. I looked at him with emotion.
"That's what I'm supposed to do. Wang Qiang said with a smile.
The ordinary life becomes warm and beautiful because of our company. I will also care about Wang Qiang's work, prepare supplements for him from time to time or remind him to pay attention to rest. Wang Qiang felt my intentions and communicated with me more openly.
"My dear, the school is going to organize an outdoor outward bound activity recently, and I am worried about the safety of the children. "One night, Wang Qiang confided in me.
"I feel so blessed to have you care so much about me. Wang Qiang hugged me with emotion.
After going through cheating and divorce, I cherish my life even more. I want to use my own actions to maintain this hard-won marriage. Every day when I wake up and see Wang Qiang sleeping next to me, I will be grateful. I believe that as long as we understand and trust each other, we will be able to go through the ups and downs of life.