A person, poor to the bone, often has the following characteristics. They will live a hard life, barely making ends meet. They become reticent, reluctant to communicate with others, and filled with endless anguish and despair. At the same time, they can also become stubborn and stubborn, not easily reaching out to others and not trusting others to help them.
Once upon a time, I was one such person. My name is Li Na and I come from an ordinary rural family. My parents died when I was very young, and my siblings left to work early to find a living, leaving me alone to face poverty. I learned to be patient and strong from an early age because there was no other choice.
One day, I learned about a life experiment project that allowed me to experience a different life in the city. At the time, I didn't have much hope, but I had a deep desire to sign up. After many twists and turns, I was finally selected to participate in this project.
In the days away from home, I kept imagining what life I would like to live in the city. I couldn't even believe that I would have such an opportunity to leave that place that made me desperate. When I stepped on the land of the city, I was a little overwhelmed by the hustle and bustle in front of me, and it also gave me a sense of anticipation.
I was assigned to a community cleaning job, cleaning up the garbage and sanitation of the building every day, and the income was small but enough for me to make ends meet. At first, everything felt so foreign that I even doubted whether I would be able to adapt to such a life. However, slowly, I began to find that the people here were not as cold to me as they were in my hometown, and they would take the initiative to greet me and even bring me some food and groceries on certain days.
In the process, I got acquainted with a boy named Li Ming, who worked in a supermarket near the community. Whenever I had a meal break, he would come and see me and hand me some snacks and water from time to time. We talked about our hometown, our vision for the future, and our common aspirations.
"Sister Na, you are working hard in the city alone, you can tell me if you have any difficulties, and I will try my best to help you. Li Ming always said this to me.
"It's not easy for you either, don't forget to take care of yourself. I always answered him like this, and then smiled and took the food he handed me.
Li Ming is a kind and helpful person, and his joy in helping others has also infected me, allowing me to gradually release the haze in my heart. I began to greet the world bravely, and began to understand that life can be so beautiful.
However, just as I was getting used to it, an uninvited guest broke into my life. It was a girl named Wang Li, who was also a resident of the community, and she always showed up when I was with Li Ming. I noticed that there was always a hint of resentment and jealousy in her eyes, and that when she looked at me, her eyes were full of hostility.
"Li Ming, why are you always with her, don't you know that she is a poor bastard?" Wang Li said to Li Ming.
"Lili, don't talk nonsense, Sister Na is a good person. Li Ming tried his best to defend me.
"Good person, how can a poor person be considered a good person?" Wang Li said nonchalantly.
I was hurt by her words, and I couldn't stand the slander that people had made of me. I turned away, not seeing the smugness and indifference in her eyes. At this moment, I felt myself back to that moment of despair, feeling lonely and helpless again.
"Sister Na, don't listen to her, she is not sensible. Li Ming rushed to me and said with concern.
"Li Ming, you don't have to embarrass yourself. I don't want to trouble anyone anymore. I sighed deeply.
"Sister Na, I believe in you, and I believe in your character and kindness in your heart. Don't give up on yourself for the sake of a boring person. Li Ming's words made me feel a little warm, but the shadow in my heart did not dissipate.
In the days that followed, I worked hard and tried to make my life better. However, Wang Li's words hurt my self-esteem and made me never let go. I thought that maybe I was just a poor man, destined to not fit into the life of the city, and not to be respected and understood by others.
"Perhaps, this is what I was meant to be. I smiled bitterly, "I can't change what others think of me, and I can't change my own destiny." ”
I don't know, what else will happen in the future. Perhaps, I should accept this kind of life, and also accept what others think of me. However, my heart told me that I was not reconciled, and that I wanted more than just this kind of life.
In the tidy neighborhood, my cleaning work has not been affected, but the pain in my heart is becoming more and more difficult to let go. Every time Wang Li appeared in front of me, I couldn't help but feel a trace of fear and helplessness. Her words cut open my heart like a sharp blade, and I could no longer have a trace of illusion about the world.
By chance, I met my aunt, the owner of the commissary. She is an older woman who always likes to talk to me. In my free time, she would talk to me enthusiastically. I felt a touch of warmth flood into my heart, as if there was someone willing to listen to me in such a strange city.
"Li Na, you don't seem to be in a good mood lately, do you have anything to worry about?" Auntie asked gently.
"It's nothing, it's just some trivial things in life. "I tried to tone down my mood.
"You know, sometimes the pain in my heart, if you don't say it, will only get worse and worse. Perhaps, confiding in someone else will make you feel better. "Auntie's words resonated with me a bit.
I began to tell my aunt about my troubles, and I felt powerless to Wang Li's sharp words. My aunt listened patiently to me, and then gently enlightened me, "Everyone has their own way of life, and you don't have to care about other people's opinions. You have to believe in your own worth and don't deny yourself because of the prejudices of others. ”
My aunt's words gave me a glimmer of hope, and I began to try to change myself from within. In the days that followed, I tried to keep my distance from Wang Li and no longer be easily influenced by her words. I also worked more determinedly, trying to prove my worth with my own efforts.
However, I did not expect that new contradictions would arise again. Early one morning, I received a strange phone call from a slightly trembling voice on the other end: "Hello, are you Li Na? I am your sister, I have been looking for you." ”
I was stunned, my heart full of shock and incomprehension. In my memory, my family was only my parents and me, how could I have a younger sister?
"Sister Li Na, my name is Li Lin, and I am your own sister. We were forced to separate as children for some reason and I was always looking for you. There was a choked sob.
"Li Lin, is what you said true? I don't understand...... I felt as if I had been beaten, and my heart set off a huge wave.
"I'm not kidding, sister, I've really been looking for you. Li Lin's voice was extremely sincere and longing.
I don't know how to deal with this unexpected fact. Was it my hallucination that I had always wanted to have a home? Or was it a deliberately woven lie? I couldn't believe it, but the desire in my heart made me want to know the truth.
"Li Lin, can you meet and talk?" I tried to contain the fluctuations in my heart, trying to clear my thoughts.
"Sister, I'm in XX City, can you come and see me? I'm looking forward to meeting you. Li Lin's voice revealed an incomparably heartbeat.
This unexpected news plunged my heart into contradictions and confusion. I don't know what kind of changes this encounter will bring to my life, the only thing I want to be sure of is that I may not be alone, maybe I do have a home, a home that I have been longing for for a long time.
One day, I happened to hear a memory of my deceased parents. That day, Li Ming accidentally mentioned my parents. After listening to this, an indescribable pain welled up in my heart, and memories of the past suddenly surfaced. The emptiness and helplessness left by the early death of my parents surrounded me again. I couldn't bear the sympathy from Li Ming, let alone the helplessness and frustration I had suffered. I gradually closed myself off and stopped communicating much with Li Ming.
"Sister Na, what's wrong with you? You are always so cold and don't talk to me. Li Ming observed my change and asked with concern.
"It's nothing, I just don't want to be sympathized with anymore. I spoke coldly.
"However, you have always been a strong person, and your past does not represent your whole life. No matter what you've been through, you shouldn't give up on yourself. Li Ming's words seemed to touch the softness in my heart.
"Li Ming, you don't know me. I took the garbage bag in my hand and walked straight ahead.
A few days later, I stumbled upon a familiar face. It was a man named Li Hua, who was my classmate when I was a child. After we said hello, Li Hua told me that my parents had a wish for me, but they couldn't realize it due to local difficulties. I looked at him in disbelief. He continued, "My parents had hoped that I could get a better education and get out of that poor family. With that, he handed me a letter that my parents had written to me.
When I opened the letter, tears almost blurred my eyes. In the letter, my parents told me with great concern that I would be strong in facing the challenges of life, strive for my own happiness, and not let any difficulties defeat me. The letter also wrote that they will always be proud of me, and it doesn't matter what kind of life I choose, as long as I live happily, it is enough.
This letter was like a ray of light that illuminated the confusion in my heart. I suddenly understood that my parents' expectations of me were not too much pressure, but a kind of care and encouragement. I feel like I've become extra strong and brave, and I plan to study Xi after this life experiment project. I hope to become a better person through my own efforts.
However, at the time of my decision, a new problem arose. Li Ming came to me, and he was puzzled by my recent changes.
"Sister Na, why did you suddenly change your mind? Didn't you keep saying that you didn't want to accept help from others?" asked Li Ming suspiciously.
"Yes, I used to be. But now, I understand something, and I realize that I have to change. I said firmly.
"Sister Na, there are many people here who are willing to help you, you don't have to bear everything alone. Li Ming's tone was firm.
"Li Ming, I understand your kindness. But the path I am choosing now is something that only I can take. You don't have to worry about me. I took a deep breath and tried to convince him in a calm tone.
"You don't understand, the reason why I care about you is because I ......" Li Ming suddenly stopped in the middle of speaking, and there was a trace of helplessness in his eyes.
This unexpected contradiction baffled me, and I didn't understand what he meant by his unfinished words. Li Ming's appearance made me feel a little confused and worried.
After a family reunion, I returned to the city, but my mind couldn't calm down for a long time. The ringing of the phone interrupted my musings, and I saw that it was the number from my hometown, and when I picked up the phone, it was a voice I had never expected.
"Nana, is that you?" the voice sounded hoarse, but I couldn't forget it.
"Daddy?" I could barely believe my ears.
"Yes, it's me. Dad's voice was full of apology and a little uneasy, "Nana, don't you blame me?"
I suddenly felt an indescribable emotion welling up in my heart, and my father, whom I hadn't seen for many years, actually called at this time. I replied at a loss, "Dad, what's wrong with you?"
My father was silent for a moment, and then slowly told me about the changes in the family. It turned out that there was a sudden accident at home, which led to a series of debt problems and put the family in trouble. My father begged me to come home on the phone to help, which made me feel distressed and helpless.
"Nana, Dad knows that your life in the city is not easy, but now the family really needs you. Father's voice was full of anticipation.
This sudden news made me hesitate, and it seemed to be back to the confusion I had when I was a child. I don't know what to do, and although life in the city is hard, it also gives me a kind of warmth and courage. On the other hand, the family is one's own root, and in the face of his father's request, there is always an inexplicable sense of responsibility and concern in his heart.
The journey home seemed long and short, and I was constantly thinking about my choice. Family affection and contradictions are like an intertwined painting, which makes people unable to give up or understand. I started thinking about how to balance it all.
Finally, I returned to my hometown. My father stood next to the car that greeted me, his eyes full of anticipation. Seeing my father's wrinkled face and gray hair made me feel like a knife.
"Dad, why didn't you tell me. "I can't hide the pain in my heart.
"Nana, Daddy doesn't want you to worry. It's not easy for you to be out there alone all these years. My father's words were full of apologies.
Back home, I saw the troubled family. My father dragged his tired body, and my mother's gloomy expression, and I felt an indescribable grief. The warmth and laughter of the home in the past are long gone.
However, returning to my hometown also brought me new contradictions. The debt problem at home is thorny, and the help of relatives and friends seems to be enthusiastic, but it comes with many unspeakable conditions, and my family and I often have disagreements on how to deal with family problems, which inevitably leads to conflicts. I have found that even among family members, conflicts and estrangements can deepen.
Faced with all this, I was lost in thought. I knew that it was right to go home, but I couldn't let go of all the contradictions. I tried to reconcile my family's differences and do my part for the situation at home. But the contradictions I faced seemed to be more complex than I expected, and I gradually became exhausted.
I know that no matter what kind of conflict I face, I will do my best to face it and resolve it. Family is the most precious concern in my heart, and it is also my greatest responsibility. Now, I just hope that I can calm the conflict at home as soon as possible and find a solution to the problem. Perhaps, only in the process of facing contradictions and bravely resolving them can I become more determined and mature.
The days in this city have passed quickly, and more than half a year has passed. After a period of adaptation, I slowly learned to have a cheerful smile and a positive attitude. In addition to cleaning every day, Li Ming and I will also go for a walk in the nearby park, chat, and eat some simple snacks together, which is already a luxury for me.
However, just as I was getting used to this life, a new contradiction arose.
One night, as I was getting ready to go home from work, I saw a woman standing at the door of the complex, arguing with the security guards. When I got closer, she claimed to be a property owner in the neighborhood and asked the security guard to give her an explanation because her package had been lost. This woman is Wang Li.
I couldn't help but stop, I looked at Wang Li, she looked very anxious and angry. I wanted to interject, but I hesitated and didn't speak, because I had already learned what it was like to be looked down upon on the road of life. I silently passed her and went straight back to my room.
Just when I began to think that intervening in this matter would bring unnecessary trouble to myself, I heard Li Ming's voice. He asked with a hint of puzzlement and worry: "Sister Na, why didn't you help just now?" She is the owner of our community, and there are some things that may need to be properly solved. ”
I was a little upset, but tried to keep my composure and said, "She's not our friend, and I might cause more trouble if I interfere." Moreover, we don't know much about her. ”
Li Ming was silent for a moment and did not speak. I felt uneasy in my heart, and I didn't want to be the source of conflict between Li Ming and Wang Li. This is not only because of the conflict between me and Wang Li, but also because I don't think it's something I should meddle in. However, I also felt conflicted and troubled in my heart, and I didn't know how I should deal with such a situation.
Since that night, there seems to have been a little more tension in the community. Whenever I work in the community, I can always feel the strange vision from Wang Li. And Li Ming also seemed to avoid the opportunity to be alone with me, and I even wondered if he was also respectful of me.
I felt an inexplicable sense of loss and sadness, and I was caught off guard by how things were developing. In this city, there is a lack of family warmth, and such a sudden contradiction makes me at a loss.
I began to wonder if I was a poor person at the bottom of society. I don't know if people here have some stereotypical view of me. Perhaps, in their eyes, I am not qualified to meddle in the contradictions between them.
However, the reluctance in my heart made it impossible for me to accept this fact with peace of mind. Perhaps, I should prove to them that I am not a worthless being. I live with my own hands, and I also have the right to care for others, and I also have the right to deal with conflicts between others.
However, the contradictions and troubles in my heart have not been resolved. I don't know, what will happen in the future. I couldn't help but feel anxious, and I was even a little afraid that my life would be more difficult and miserable in the future. And what kind of contradictions and entanglements will the people around me bring?
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