I am 53 years old and I am an older sister who has remarried. My husband is seven or eight years younger than me and is a young-looking, competent man. But we had more and more marital problems because he was doing something every day that I regretted.
Before I married my husband, I was divorced and had a daughter, both of whom are now adults. Therefore, I long for a warm and happy family. But now, my husband performs some "old and young" routines in front of me every day. For example, he always asks me, "Wife, do you think I'm young and energetic?" or, "Honey, didn't you say you want to find someone young and energetic?" "I've had enough.
In my hometown, men and women get along very equally, and there is not such a big age difference. But my husband always hits me with his youth and vitality. I tried to communicate with him and told him that it made me feel uncomfortable, but he always smiled and said I was jealous. It made me feel more and more cheated.
I don't know if the family will be able to go on because I'm already feeling the pressure of marriage. If this continues, I will become more and more negative and more and more disillusioned with our relationship. I don't know if there's a big cultural difference between us, but I'd like someone to give me some advice so that I don't regret it.
One day, I made a suggestion to go with my husband to my hometown to visit my parents. I hope he will learn more about my family and culture, and I hope we can strengthen our bond through this trip. I told my husband that my parents were kind and would like him.
But my husband didn't think so, saying that he was too busy to travel. He always talked about his work and said that I didn't understand the importance of my career. I tried to communicate with him, hoping that he would understand me, but he kept repeating: "You don't understand, you're too familial." "I was disappointed and frustrated.
Our relationship is getting more and more strained, and I'm beginning to wonder if we can continue like this. I really regretted marrying him, and the conflicts between us became more and more numerous, and even affected my relationship with my daughter. Every time I see my daughter, I hide my emotions for fear that she will worry.
These contradictions kept lingering in my mind, and I realized that the differences between us were not only cultural, but also differences in personality and life concepts. I really don't know if I'll be able to continue this marriage. My friends around me have advised me to divorce, but I always hope that I can save this marriage and let it return to its former happiness. However, everything seems to be getting more and more difficult, and I don't know what to do.
Once, my husband's brother got married, and at the wedding I found out that my husband was a little drunk. When I got home that night, I quietly asked him if he was drunk, and he replied angrily, "Drinking is relaxing, you don't understand." Then he took out the previous "old and young" routine, saying that he just wanted to stay young and energetic. I felt angry and powerless, and his attitude chilled me.
I was getting more and more disappointed in this incident, and I felt lonely in my marriage. I was caught in a conflict, on the one hand, I didn't want the family to break up, and on the other hand, I couldn't stand my husband's attitude anymore. I had spoken to my daughter about this, and she reassured me that she would support my decision, but I knew she felt sorry for me. I feel that it is a difficult choice to divorce or continue this marriage. There weren't many people willing to share my experiences, and I felt helpless and didn't know where to talk.
In this family, I felt more and more lonely, and I wondered if my husband understood this, or if he cared. My heart began to waver, and I began to think about the meaning of marriage and the balance of family. This led me deeper into a deeper conflict.
Soon, another thing arose that made me feel conflicted. My husband always expects me to cook for him, especially some Cantonese or Sichuan food, because he thinks that he can be energetic when he is so "energetic". But I'm a northerner, and the dishes I cook are all specialties of my hometown, such as fried noodles, spicy tang, etc. He always said that the dishes were not light enough to suit his appetite. After every argument like this, I was conflicted: should I change my eating Xi habits, or should he accept my food culture?
One day, our contradictions reached a climax. I was tired from taking care of the housework for a day, and he actually offered me to do a few hours of work. I couldn't take it anymore, so I had a big fight with him. He began to blame me for not knowing how to take care of him and not being considerate of him. I felt very aggrieved and said angrily, "Do I have to turn myself into a different kind of person in order to get your love?"
It dawned on me that our problem was not just cultural differences, but deeper contradictions. I began to wonder if this marriage was worth holding on, and if I should re-examine my long-term happiness. This marriage left me feeling extremely tired and helpless. The accumulation of these contradictions has put our feelings in a difficult situation, and I don't know if we can break through this barrier.
Perhaps, I should find some time to calm down and think hard about our marriage and my own heart. I needed a solution to the problem, whether it was to give up or continue, which required me to think about it seriously. Perhaps, I need to listen to the outside world's advice, and maybe someone can give me some advice to find the right direction. After all, marriage is a process of continuous effort and adjustment, and I don't want my heart to hurt even more.
I feel that I can't get along with this husband anymore. In addition to being entangled in cultural differences, my husband's behavior made me feel very uncomfortable and sometimes even ashamed. After all, I've had a failed marriage, and it's frustrating to have to deal with such a struggle.
In the days that followed, her husband's behavior did not change, but became more and more frequent. He wanted me to join him at some of his young people's gatherings, or to some young people's events. I tried to adapt, but every time it made me feel uncomfortable. What annoys me even more is that my husband always deliberately behaves with me in some public places to prolong our age gap, which makes me feel very embarrassed.
Recently, I even found out that my husband is in frequent contact with a young woman, through mobile phones, social media, etc. Every time I found out about this situation, he always gave some ridiculous explanations and kept comforting me with sweet words, but I couldn't let go.
I was very confused and anxious, and I knew I needed to make a decision. I was very tired from such a marriage, but I was afraid of facing the feeling of failure again. I don't know what to do.