Just the right amount of love is not to give hard, but to withdraw gracefully

Text丨Fish Dad Image source: Meisu Gallery

This is an article posted a few years ago, when Xiaoxiaoyu was still in kindergarten.

I can still remember the first day of sending him to kindergarten, a little nervous and nervous.

Some time ago, they engaged in quality development in their class and went to live outside for three days and two nights.

I think it's good to hear this and he's looking forward to it.

But he said that he was still a little nervous, in fact, I was a little nervous, but I still encouraged him and told him.

More is also anticipation.

Now he has a lot to do, and he is eager to get it

"Performance

The opportunity to get the affirmation of parents.

When children are young, we hold them tightly in our arms to give them a sense of security.

When they are older and start to want to be independent, can we give them enough support and trust?

When the child grows, we, as parents, must also grow up, change, and see the needs and changes of the child.

Once again, I would like to share this article with you, the love we give to our children must be giving, and we must also learn to quit gracefully.

In the WeChat group of her son's class, there is a very special mother.

Because the teachers will post some recent photos of the children in the kindergarten every day.

Once did not find a photo of their daughter.

He's going to come out and say hello, "Where's my baby?"

Again and again.

I think the teachers must be thinking about being the first to shoot this little girl.

Because there is a mother who pays attention to her children all the time!

I still remember the first day I sent Xiaoxiao Yu to kindergarten.

Because I was still a little worried, I didn't go home directly after being sent to the classroom, but watched the small picture in the surveillance in the reception room below, and looked at the small dots in it, and felt a little relieved.

After waiting for about half an hour, I made sure I didn't cry and went home.

I was afraid that we would be worried, so the teacher took a video of him at school for me.

As I lined up to raise the flag on the playground, I saw his ignorance, his small hands clutching the hem of his shirt tightly (a typical action he was nervous about), and his eyes scanning around anxiously.

Because this is completely foreign to him.

Seeing his nervous appearance, I was also a little nervous in my heart.

When I picked him up in the evening, the teacher said that he was doing well.

I asked him how he felt and if he was nervous.

The little guy was full of denials, saying that he was not nervous at all and was very happy.

"That's good, come on, come on, Dad will pick you up early tomorrow!"

It was supposed to be the first time the little one spent a day alone in an unfamiliar environment.

It is the first step from the family to the society.

I know that there will be more and more such separations.

And that's true today.

His world is constantly opening up and trying more and more things.

It's not always clinging to me like it was when I was three years old.

Sometimes I feel a little disappointed.

For example, I went back to my hometown some time ago.

I didn't see my son for three days, and I went home in a hurry.

Thought he was going to throw himself into my arms with joy and say Daddy, I miss you.

And the result!

When people come home from school, they immediately go looking for their toys.

Then when they saw me, they naturally called out to Daddy, and my bouncy ball was gone.

Then he continued to pout his ass and look around.

Leave me in that empty melancholy.

I never worry about giving my son less love.

It's that I'm afraid that the love I've given is too hard and I don't know how to quit.

A parent's love for their children always increases inadvertently.

And in the increasing number of self and child tightly tied together.

In infancy, such bonding can give the baby the best sense of security and satisfaction.

But when it's time to let go, hold on to it.

That will affect the formation of the child's independence.

Children actually need the opportunity to be independent, and no one can take away it.

The boy grows up to about 2 years old and begins his first steps towards independence.

From this point on, parents should consciously create appropriate space for him to be independent.

Boys between the ages of 2 and 5 will increasingly reveal their individuality.

At this time, the child is prone to tantrums as a way to maintain his space.

For example, some children have to eat by themselves, but they make a mess when they eat.

Moms may stop it.

Or teach the child how to do it.

The child will lose his temper, but the end result is often to give up on doing it himself.

Just let my mother feed me, I just have to open my mouth.

In fact, eating by yourself and feeding your parents seems to be a very simple thing.

It doesn't seem to matter.

But the meaning is completely different.

Because the cultivation of children's independence is not achieved overnight.

Rather, it is formed in exercise after workout.

Made up of these little things one after another.

Parents should not suppress his resistance too much, but understand him more, otherwise it may hinder the development of his inner self and destroy the formation of his independent character.

Unfortunately, there are still many parents who are reluctant to step out of their children's world.

In fact, such parents, rather than saying that they love their children, they want to have full control over their children, and this control will bring a sense of accomplishment and strength, so that they are satisfied with their bad life.

You see, I can at least control my children.

I once saw a case in a book.

A 75-year-old peasant woman whose son lives with her at the age of 50.

Both contracted pneumonia at the same time, the mother survived, but the son died.

When the mother learned of her son's death, she said sadly, "I knew I couldn't bring this child up." The mother felt that she was responsible for her child's life and never intended for him to become an independent social being.

The mother did not expand her child's connections with other people and failed to guide him to engage and cooperate with other people in his life.

A friend's family has a cousin as well.

Once, his aunt took his cousin to his unit for an interview.

Although I said it many times beforehand, it would be good if only one person came.

But when the mother is not at ease, she still goes out in person.

The results of the written test were good.

But when it came to the interview.

When answering questions, he always says "my mom said...... Or I'll have to ask my mom. ”

In the end, it was directly brushed.

The comments are that there is a lack of work experience, lack of assertiveness, and lack of independence.

When a friend told my aunt.

Unexpectedly, the old man said directly, "It's okay, not hiring my son is a loss for your company, you must know that he has taken five certificates and a master's degree." ”

These are all arranged by the mother, and they are her life's work and proud pride.

But the mother can't arrange work experience for her son.

Because these things need to be done by the children themselves.

Later, the younger brother, who got five certificates, has been unemployed at home.

Is this kind of love love or harm?

Many people may say that this child is not angry, and he has paid so much as a parent, and finally gnaws at the old at home.

But few people will see the misfortune of this child.

His misfortune was actually caused by his parents' arrangement.

When I went to the interview as an adult, I still followed it closely, but I can imagine how strictly I was controlled when I was a child.

When you love your children, you must not lose yourself.

Make your child feel that you are a whole and independent person.

It's not tied to him.

It cannot be said that you give up yourself for the sake of your children.

This is not only a source of annoyance for the child, but also irresponsible for oneself.

With a sense of boundaries, children can feel that they are also independent.

It is pitiful to lose one's self-worth and win others.

seems to love the child very much, but the child is not happy.

Instead, it will be painful.

Why?

Because the man who stands before him has no life of his own, and everything accommodates himself.

Your child will look down on you in his heart.

And it is also confused, inferior.

I have a relative.

When he met people, he would say how good his son was.

I am reluctant to eat, and I am two sets of old clothes all year round.

Hard work on the construction site.

The greatest pleasure is talking to people about their sons.

Only then will his face be flushed and his eyes will shine.

But what about his son?

Almost never with my father.

Even if they had to walk together, they would follow far behind.

When I go to school to pay tuition, as long as my mother goes, I never ask my father to go.

And he loves to play with his mobile phone, as soon as the old father says it, he will kick his eyes and yell over.

In the end, it was always the old father who smiled and said, "You go on, just don't spoil your eyes." ”

Once, he had an argument with his father.

"You know, how hard I work for you, why do you always not fight for such a little score. ”

"Look at yourself, it's always dirty and smelly, walking outside and people laughing at you, you live like this, why do you care about me?"

At that time, he was so angry that he was angry, but he was helpless.

Because the current situation is all self-inflicted.

It is in the nature of parents to love their children.

But true love for children requires wisdom.

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